Suicides You Would Never Expect

I am sure everybody has been low and thought about it to a point. But to major ones have happened to people you’d never dream of doing it.


Bourdain especially… He had the best job in the history of jobs… “Here, eat amazing food, travel and talk about it.”
I don’t know much about Spade, but still sad.

Proof, that it’s not just the people who’d you think are sad or ‘Emo’. Successful, strong people who had everything going for them.

Where does that drive come from? Bourdain was on tour, in FRANCE, doing his show when he hung himself. I would have a least waited until I came home… geez.

@EmilyQ your presence and expertise are welcome…


I could honestly sit here writing about this for hours. And people have! There are books. lol

Generally speaking, people either develop the conviction that people are better off with them dead because their depression is such a burden, become so overwhelmingly exhausted that they literally want to go to sleep and never wake up, or want to punish someone(s) for hurting them.


Appearances can be very deceptive…often people with major issues are experts at pretending that they are ok…Why? Because they’ve been struggling for so long it’s second nature to hide their true feelings.

Also, wealth, material possessions doesn’t count for jack shit if you are unable to fully overcome some serious life trauma or psychosis etc.

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Also, thinking back to when I’ve been suicidal myself (in many ways it’s about options) ie: Rationally speaking suicide is a terrible option, though making that decision to do it or do it if xyz happens can actually feel really cathartic in a very paradoxical kind of way. It gives you a sense of control at a time when you feel you little to none in various other ways.

Is this an entrenched feeling despite however much love they get from the outside or is being celebrity a form of loneliness? Some deaths have shocked me, others not as much.
For instance, once I learned more details about Robin Williams I was less surprised, considering the standard deviations or people with MS for committing suicide is much higher.
It was sad, but understandable given his diagnosis.

What the fuck was Baudouin’s problem? I shit a golden statue to do what he did for a living. Love food and travel.

I don’t know much about Kate Spade, but still sad.

It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It’s not like it hand’t crossed my mind during hard times, but to do it is something else. The damage it does to others is devastating.

His apparent struggles were no secret, but he could have had something else going on too.

It’s selfish, though. You hurt so many people in the process. I don’t think people think about that.
I used to think nobody would even notice or care if I went away when I was younger. Now I realize I am the tether that holds the whole shit-house up. So it’s not an option for me no matter how I feel. People depend on me.

It is selfish…I sort of agree…that being said but most suicidal people are not exactly masters of rationality at the point at which they commit suicide.

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Article some of you might appreciate. This is by Karl Rove.

Text in the event of paywall -

I didn’t know Kate Spade or Anthony Bourdain but saw familiar threads in their suicides, as my mother took her own life at age 51.

Spade had spoken to her father the night before and was looking forward to a trip to California. Bourdain was in one of his favorite countries, France, working on his television show. My mother, struggling through her third and failing marriage, had arrived at a plan to get back on her feet, supported by friends and family.

People were shocked when Spade and Bourdain hanged themselves, she in her New York apartment, he in a hotel room in Strasbourg. No one saw it coming when—a day after expressing optimism about her future—my mother drove into the desert, connected a hose to her pickup’s exhaust pipe, strung it through the cab’s back window and died of carbon-monoxide poisoning.

Spade left a note, reportedly telling her 13-year-old daughter it wasn’t her fault. My mother wrote a letter, expressing pride in her five children, telling her grandchildren she loved them, and absolving her family for her decision.

These final messages won’t assuage the irrepressible sense of guilt and shame that family and friends feel after a suicide: I should have known. If only I had paid attention. I should have done something.

Except you aren’t responsible. Suicide is the most personal, solitary decision a human being can make. Whether the culmination of a long decline or a shock like a thunderbolt on a clear day, suicide is often driven by depression, anxiety, drug addiction or other mental disorders. Yet it is among the most preventable causes of death in the U.S. today.

Shortly after I wrote about my mother’s death in a memoir, I received a gracious email from David Axelrod. We had never met, but it turned out we had more in common than working in the White House, he for Barack Obama and I for George W. Bush. David’s father died by suicide when David was 19, and police came to his college dorm room to ask him to identify the body.

David later wrote a beautiful tribute to his father, offering the insight that his dad “was impacted by the sense, so prevalent in our society, that depression is somehow a character flaw rather than an illness.” He believes that’s what kept his father, a psychologist, from seeking help, along with many others.

Spade talked about a continuing sadness, family members said. My mother wrote in her suicide note that she was “very tired, deep inside tired.” A study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that many people resorted to suicide after problems in a relationship, or amid stress over work, physical health or finances. Substance abuse is also a major trigger. Such challenges may bring on depression or make an underlying depression worse.

The stigma surrounding mental illness keeps many with depression from seeking treatment. Who would refuse treatment for any other life-threatening disease if a physician could say: “We’ve caught it in time, we can deal with it and you don’t need to die from it”?

On the practical front, anyone who feels suicidal should ask for help before taking an action from which there is no return. The number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Veterans can then dial 1. People are available 24 hours a day. The website offers important resources. If you or someone you know feels suicidal, talk to a doctor or mental-health professional. Call family, clergy or friends. Dial 911 if necessary.

The smart woman from Kansas City with a wonderful smile created joy for many with her stylish, sophisticated handbags. The tall cook with curly gray hair and a jutting jawline introduced millions to the world’s food and drink. We know their stories, but must not forget that 863 other Americans—most of them less famous, but no less valuable as human beings—died by suicide last week too, according to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

To those who contemplate suicide, realize the world won’t be better for your absence. There will be a child, spouse or parent, a colleague or co-worker, neighbor or friend who will miss you more than you know. Despair can be overwhelming, but it is not permanent. We all need others to walk beside us in difficult moments. And remember, you are precious in the eyes of God and those who love you.


Some good advice. The young man who asked this question later went up and talked to JP after this lecture and they’ve been in contact since. Good things. “Don’t be so sure that your life is yours to take.”


Bourdain is a suicide you would never expect? He honestly always seemed sad to me.

I agree. I only watched a few episodes of his show but he didn’t seem to be enjoying himself, while I would be like “wow this is fucking awesome!” the whole time.

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Hey guys, I suffered a pretty major concussion last week.
My brain is pretty scrambled right now, I haven’t really experienced anything quite this major with my head before.

I want to respond to things but am not quite sure what I am saying, so I will probably read things but not respond for the time being.

Any ‘thoughts and prayers’ are appreciated.


Pat - I hope you’re doing okay. Wish you a speedy recovery. Pay attention to your body and report anything that lingers out of the ordinary to an MD. Good luck and keep us posted.

I had a long history of not feeling much of anything when celebrities died. It’s not that I didn’t care, I just have had many friends commit suicide/OD and celebrity deaths didnt seem like anything special or shocking to me. Until Robin Williams died. Man, that hit me so fucking hard. I just grew up watching so many of his movies, and I had a friend make some comment on social media about how ‘selfish’ RW was for doing what he did, and I just about lost it. To spend your whole life making others happy, all the while wasting away inside, until life no longer seems worth living - is there anything LESS selfish? Not that the actual act of suicide was in any way the right thing, but to pass judgement on someone in that situation seems kind of messed up.


Pat, I’m very sorry to hear it. Please let us know how you’re doing.
I hope you’re back on your game soon. I can certainly pray for you.

Healing your way.

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Especially with addiction issues. Depression is taboo enough but addiction is so rarely treated as an illness.

Take a bunch of drugs, end up in the hospital - people wonder what’s wrong with you, possible jail time.

Eat til your heart nearly bursts, repeatedly visit the hospital while people fix you up over and over.

I struggled with addiction through a good part of my life, and I’m sure I’ll always have to be vigilant. For those people who believe that addiction is a choice and a moral deficiency, nobody purposefully chooses to continue doing something that repeatedly yields disastrous consequences. It’s not an excuse to keep doing it, but not all brains work the same, and some are hardwired to seek out that type of pleasure at all cost.

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Hope you’ll be okay pat

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Thanks @flappinit (and Powerpuff and usmccds and duke and all of you well wishers). I appreciate your kind words.
As for Robin Williams, his case was a bit different. If I am not mistaken he was recently diagnosed with MS. MS sufferers have a much higher than normal tendency toward suicide. Given that and the nature of the disease I would say it really wasn’t his fault in the sense that he was not in his right mind.

As for me I am on the mend slowly. I have never hit my head this hard. I thank God it wasn’t worse. Thanks again yall, it really does mean a lot.

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Hope you’re doing better, Pat!

As for me, Robin Williams still gets to me if I think about it too hard. Especially as someone who has been in / around / near those situations throughout my life (who hasn’t, at this point?). While it’s easy to be mad or call the act ‘selfish’, it’s also a deeply personal thing and, I think, highlights what a difficult place those people were in if loved ones, success - or success as society deems it - and wealth / freedom weren’t enough to keep them around. Depression is tough, and its physical impact / changes to your brain are very much real. Reach out. And if you can’t - or you know someone who is doing it tough - do it for them. Small acts of kindness can go a long way.


The so-called ‘psychotically depressed’ person who tries to kill herself doesn’t do so out of quote ‘hopelessness’ or any abstract conviction that life’s assets and debits do not square. And surely not because death seems suddenly appealing. The person in whom Its invisible agony reaches a certain unendurable level will kill herself the same way a trapped person will eventually jump from the window of a burning high-rise. Make no mistake about people who leap from burning windows. Their terror of falling from a great height is still just as great as it would be for you or me standing speculatively at the same window just checking out the view; i.e. the fear of falling remains a constant. The variable here is the other terror, the fire’s flames: when the flames get close enough, falling to death becomes the slightly less terrible of two terrors. It’s not desiring the fall; it’s terror of the flames. And yet nobody down on the sidewalk, looking up and yelling ‘Don’t!’ and ‘Hang on!’, can understand the jump. Not really. You’d have to have personally been trapped and felt flames to really understand a terror way beyond falling

-David Foster Wallace

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