Suicide?

hey ~karma~ that is a realy a sad story but with a good ending! i’m glad that even through all of that, you STILL pulled through to better your life… you truley are an inspiration to me and many many others! GREAT JOB!!!

Jolly: There are many, many other stories I could tell about that period of my life and more recent ones as well. It’s the crap I’ve been through that’s made me who I am today - and I’m rather damn happy with who that is! It’s given me an insight to that darker side of life that (luckily) most don’t have. And it’s given me a level on which to reach kids that are in similar circumstances. No kid is going to listen to an adult that’s not lived the hell they’re going through and most adults just want to put this warm, protective bubble around kids and blow sunshine up their asses. That is soo not the way to reach “at-risk” youth. Anyway, taking on those kids that no one else wants to deal with, reaching them, having breakthroughs in how they see life and their role in it, and then seeing them succeed is such a rewarding thing for me…and I couldn’t do it if I hadn’t been there.

Call it Karma… Balance… Purpose… There are no coincidences…


I still think about it, but it’s a mixed bag of wanting to do it, then not.


I was at the Pentagon on Sept. 11th and even though I wasn’t in the wedge that was hit, it’s left a scar. It’s been almost 2 years, but still feels like yesterday sometimes.


Initially, I had a lot of people checking to see if I had gotten out ok, but as the shock wore off and the trauma set in, they faded away. My e-mails and calls went unanswered and I was even ignored in public once. For whatever reason, most of the people I once knew won’t talk to me anymore.

Then there’s the politicalization of what happened. Everyone and their mom has an opinion, but it seems to boil down to “I’m right/You’re wrong” vs any actual concern for the victims. I’ve been spit on by “peace” protestors and told I should have been killed that day, then they lecture me about the value of human life. Whatever.


Oddly enough, what’s soured me on the human condition isn’t the terrorists, but everyday people. I didn’t realize how hypocritical and ignorant many people can be. I was a pessimist before the attack, and I should have much more to be pessimistic about, but I’m fighting to be an optimist instead. It’s hard, though. It’s tough when I read online opinion boards in the U.S. and other countries that say what happened to me and others was deserved because of my government’s policies/I’m an American. The hate in their comments can hit like a bat sometimes.


What keeps me going? Some days I’d like to know myself. LOL! Back in my darkest days, I’d tell myself if I had no hope for that day, then the next day I’d find a reason to be alive. Most times I would. The times I couldn’t though…those were really bad days.


Sometimes I’ll hear a song from a musician on the corner on a Saturday night, see a beautiful woman, smell coffee, talk to someone, or just be aware of my surroundings and I realize that I’m alive and how amazing that is and I’ll try to soak up as much around me as I can.


Other days, I wonder if I’ll be able to climb out of this pit I’m in, if I’ll ever find a group of friends who truly care, or if I hear about another bombing like in Jakarta, Indonesia a few days ago and all the memories of the 11th come flooding back…what’s the point of going on when there’s so much pain?


Then some part of me gets curious about what’ll happen the next day.

I think that's what I'll miss when I finally do die. All the new music I won't hear, the movies and sights I won't see, and all the new experiences I won't be a part of.

So I try to hang on for a little more. =)

I seriously thought about it in college. It was one of those things where I hung out with a lot of people, yet I wasn’t really friends with them. It always felt like I was on the perimeter and observing instead of in the mix with everyone. Then I did what most people do when they get depressed…I would stay home alone and think. Worst thing you can do is to think when you are that depressed. I thought it out and had decided on the way to do it and like most people pussed out. I just felt like nothing I did ever worked out for me and nothing good could happen. Then one day, while snowboarding, I was sitting at the top of the mountain and said fuck it, I’m not living like this anymore. Pretty much just changed everything in my life and never looked back. Now here I am 5 years later and I’ve never been happier. But I can tell you I was real close. Man I don’t miss those days.

-Mani

Just a tangent on depression. Every time I have a downer, I realize its always aggression turned inwards. As soon as you find options, or isolate the <i>real</i> source of the problem (sometimes its just trying to solve a problem when there premises are not even good at start), gears change and everything goes back in an instant.

Sometimes the processing part is long, though. Most of the time, its a priming the pump thing, or in retrospect a building block for a wont take it anymore future decision. Not a straight-line process. But that`s the price to pay to get out of a rut. Put things back in perspective also helps.

Anyway. Sure nice to see people mature enough to open their dark side here and not being bashed for it. A most welcome sign of a healthy populace in the forum. Keep it so.

Hey All,
No I have not thought about suicide. I work in an ER as an RN and have seen my fair share of people who have attempted suicide. It got me too wondering since it knows no boundaries, “what would make somebody want to do this?” The conclusion I came to was whether it was a cry for help or a legitimate attempt, they felt they had no value to themselves or others (yah sometimes it’s just acting out). Interesting to hear this was the case for some of you.
What was the turning point for you? What helped you “snap out of it”? Sometimes my time is limited and not always is there adequate follow-up. What can I do or say that may have an impact? Or is there absolutely nothing to do but listen? And not force the issues?
Peace,
T-Ren

Silles - quit posting pictures. That is getting fucking obnoxious. This has turned to be a serious thread, then an asshole like you comes in and ruins it. Wake the fuck up.

People around here care. We wouldn’t be sharing stories of such sorrow and woe if we thought no one cared. We all care about each other. Apparently you haven’t felt the “T-community” bonding that the other have felt. If you did, you would actually contribute in a positive way.

Back to the thread…

I’ve thought about suicide, but never seriously. I’ve seen families members pass, homocidal car accidents and the such, and the agony on the families’s faces is just unbearable. The first thought on my mind as soon as I thought about suicide was my fiancee and my parents. I would be lost without them, and I know life would be dreadful for them without me. It’s a mutual thing - I need them, and they need me.

I don’t think suicide is selfish. It’s a cry for help. If a person survives a suicide attempt, they will get the help, and realize that they are loved and cared for. People they haven’t seen or heard from in ages will come see them, and talk to them. I’ve known a few people who attempted suicide, and the outpouring for them was unbelievable.

What a shitty, boring way to commit suicide…

I always tried to think of interesting ways to do it anyway. Aaahh, high school. Those were the days… ahem

Yeah. I thought about it. It went something like this, “Why the fuck would someone kill themselves”. I tried as hard as I might to put myself in their place and just couldn’t do it.

I’ve known a couple of people that did it. One was just this last March. I’ve never understood it fully and I guess I really hope I don’t get too familiar with the idea.

Ill get flamed, but having talked to coroner related guys and cops, heres a bit of advice: If you are going to do it, do it well.

If you have any doubts, go see sites like www.rotten.com (and similar ones). They usually have a section for suicides dropouts.

Maybe just that will keep you going instead. Ultimately, you make the choice.

The thought of suicide was a daily occurrence troughout my teenager and early adulthood years. The thought that, if I wished to do so, I could end it all the next day always provided a reasonable dosage of relief when looked really dark.

I never counsciously attempted suicide, though I had suicidal behaviours many, many times. From shooting intravenous drugs with water taken from a stolen car engine, taking alcohol, hax, benzodiazepines, heroin, cocaine, ecstasy and lsd all in a 12 hour period, or stealing 2 whole boxes of sleeping pills and taking it all in one sitting. I wasn’t trying to kill myself in this last one but instead felt like after 8 days with no sleep that it probably would help. I slept quite well for 3 whole days. I did some very dumb shit and it’s nothing short of amazing I survided my adolescence.

On a side note, I once read that 80% of the missed suicide attempts are made by women. The real suicidal rarely misses and most of these are men.

Was Kobe fucking her?

T-Ren - It’s hard to say what you should do in your position. The only thing that’ll work for most people is for you to be as kind and caring to them as possible. Just try to show them that they are valued.

As stated previously on this thread, one’s self-worth can be a major cause for depression. I came from a loving family, with my other siblings turning out with much better mental health, but I ended up being the one that felt that I had absolutely no worth as a person, or anything else. It doesn’t matter what kind of background you come from; you’re still susceptible.

The bad thing is that it may not be easy to spot depression at all. It was painfully obvious to identify late in its progression, even for me, but it grew out of feelings that I had before I could read (I found/figured out later). Growing up, when I would get depressed, I would just think that everybody felt that way sometimes, and I would imagine that’s pretty much true. (There are some of you Ray of Sunshine mother fuckers who probably never felt that way, but you have your own problems. :slight_smile: What I didn’t know is that those feelings were slowly taking over. I still have to keep them in check. I’ll never be free of it, but I never want to be a slave to it again, either.

Since we have people confiding some difficult times here, a couple questions come to mind:

Is there anybody here who’s currently thinking about suicide that isn’t talking to a real live person about those feelings?

Do the people who’ve been serious about it in the past have any mental “failsafes” in place to help straighten themselves out if they get in that situation again?

Too bad a few insensitive pieces of garbage here have nothing better to do that display their ignorance by using this thread to talk shit.

I was moved by a lot of the stories, and though I never tried suicide I pondered it for many of my high school years. I won’t tell you the details but bottom line is I didn’t do it because while I felt like I had nothing to lose and my life had no value, I knew what it would done to my parents.

It’s not selfish in the mind of the person in question if he feels like his or her life has no value. I thought about it every day and every day I thought about my mother at the funeral. I could never have put her though that. I’m glad she helped me get through that without even knowing how bad off I really was.

After all, us Italian kids are nothing but mama’s boys. And that’s okay.

What a bunch of whiny pussies.

Just kidding. Nothing to kill yourself over.

No one ever lost money underestimating the intelligence of a fucktard.

Fucktard or hucktard?