T Nation

Suggestions for Surviving the End of the World


#1


Not sure where to put this in the forums, but since this is my first post after months of lurking I figure Beginner seems to fit the bill.

Some background.
I'm a thirty year old who began lifting seriously about a year ago. I'm about 6'2 and had spent some time long distance running in my 20s. I've always been a bit lanky, but with wide hip bones so I figured it'd be nice to broaden those shoulders some. The first photograph shows me this past September at around 170 when I was just beginning things (I'll post updates below). Following the excellent information on this site and these forums I managed to get up to 210 this March before deciding to cut down on the bulking. Was even planning to do a half-marathon with my sister for the good old days and was managing to keep on some muscle while picking up the speed. All seemed well and I was happy with my progress.

Then the shit hit the fan. Two weeks ago my fiancee and partner of ten years told me that she couldn't marry me and that she was leaving me. It has been an absolutely devastating experience, because I've been madly in love with her throughout and came upon me totally unexpected. We'd been living apart as she started grad school and I started a new job, but blind fool that I was I had thought that all was grand. Now she's off in another city and ready to start dating and I'm still trying to find the ground underneath my feet.

Didn't really eat for about a week and lost about 8 pounds since. I'm finding it hard to feel motivated, even though I feel like I've made great progress this year and would hate to waste what I've worked hard to gain.

So, I guess I'm asking for some suggestions from those of you who've found yourselves in a similar place and perhaps some ideas on how to rediscover some motivation. I'll add two current pictures below to give a sense of where I am and it would probably help me just to hear some concrete ideas of next steps for development. I'm not interested in being huge, but trying to balance out my structure and, in the interests of some seriously-depleted self-esteem, look as good as I can at this point (ie attractive to other women).

Which brings me to the next point: having been in a committed relationship for a decade, I've completely forgotten how to date or even meet other women. Any suggestions from those who've spent some time on the circuit? I'm not there yet, but I'd like to find a distraction or three to get my mind off of her.

Cheers all and apologies for the pity-fest.


#2


Here's a picture from today. Same room, same get-up. Post-collapse. About 190 lbs.


#3

...And one more. Back. Also today.


#4

First off, that sucks bro.

Motivation to go to the gym - maybe there's some cute chicks there. And it'll make you feel better - get angry about the situation and take it out on the weights. It's a great way to let go of crappy emotions.

As for dating, you never know where you're going to find someone. Best bet is to do the things you like to do and keep your eyes open and don't be shy. That way you'll find someone with similar interests. You NEED to get out of the house into social situations.

Also, there are a lot of internet dating sites. I've never tried one, but one of my buddies met her now wife through one of them. That's probably the fastest sure way to get a date.


#5

You're better of without her.

Make that your mantra.

She screwed you over. It happens. It likely would have happened anyhow (and will happen to the next guy). You had ten years of good times. Remember that. Plan for more.

On the lifting/fitness side: you've made some really nice, solid progress. Lost a lot of fat and gained, including on those delts which is a Good Thing[tm].

I got back in the game when a batshit crazy chick (she ended up calling the cops on me when I blew off a movie date this past weekend) basically moved in on me to grab me out of my funk. Sometimes batshit crazy is just what a guy needs. So, yeah, three years ago after I got raked over hard, she showed up.

I'm in my 40s, been lifting for 5 years (you can make a hell of a lot of progress, even in your "later years", and there's plenty of women out there. Some good, some bad, some sane (though I've yet to see one), a bunch who're crazy. Go out there, play safe, but don't be afraid of picking up a few more bruises either (just don't go seeking 'em out, unless that's your kink).

Online: yeah, there's chicks out there, and some sites are better than others. I find the whole "well, we know what we're here for" mode of it a bit off-putting, prefer real life myself, though I'm willing to try either way. Keep all your channels open, and realize you'll never know when love walks in (and it can be at the worst damn time, but still, that's OK too).


#6

Women are evil, tough luck, amigo.

Focusing on work (school) and lifting and eating right has always worked for me.

Try a new program, or switch things up a little (to make you more interested). Try some shit you've never tried before, or stuff you haven't done in ages (I realized I hadn't done flat dumbbell presses in FOREVER a few days ago).


#7

sorry to hear that man but my best advice would be to find a hobby. You should fill your free time with activities that make you happy. Go out with your guy friends, hit the gym, go to some sporting events.

Remember... your girl breaking up with you IS NOT the end of the world. It sure as hell sucks bad right now but life will go on.

Sorry about that though man. hang in there and surround yourself with a good support system.


#8

Todays pics look good.

I agree with getting in the gym and getting seriously angry with some weights.

Also getting a nice big hammer and knocking seven shades of shit out of a nice big tire might just hit the ticket.

Next up--you are young, build up your self esteem by concentrating on your body your fitnes and your diet, enjoy good food-get outside into the tgo and get some air.

Plenty of time for god things to come along, when you feel good about yourself you will be more relaxed and more confident.

(nurse has been there !!)


#9

Thanks for the support and suggestions. You're all right: I deserve better than the shit she's put me through.

Just got back from my first day lifting since the catastrophe and decided to do the half-marathon this Sunday, even though I'm way behind on training. I feel like garbage most of the time, but am going to try and make this an opportunity to realize what I want to do with myself, try new things and meet new people, use it as motivation to work even harder in the weight room. A year from now I want to be able to look back at this and say it was exactly what I needed.


#10

LISTEN TO ME!!!

Have you ever tried "affirmations?" They work. Tell yourself everyday, three times consecutive: "I am going to the gym to train for my goals." FEEL the words.

The way it works is simple. The more you feed your subconscious-mind beliefs (whether they are 100% true or not), the more it'll give you PROMPTS to make the belief a reality.