T Nation

Stupid Things You Thought & Said as a Kid

Hi Gang

I was just sitting here thinking of stupid things i thought as a kid.feel free to add your own.

1.thought that if i dug a hole deep enough id end up in China.

2.that girls had baby’s through their belly button :confused:

3.That to be huge i had to train 6 hours per day ,7 days per week.

4.that people with really big fat asses needed to do a big shit “lol” i thought the ass cheeks contained shit :confused:

5.thought that wind came from trees moving.

6.that people actually sung in video clips,didnt realise they were just miming(spelling) haha

7.that wrestling (wwf)(e) was real

8.If i didn’t eat the crust on my bread,my hair wouldnt grow curly.

9.When i was pulling a face,if the wind changed it would stay that way.

Thats all i can think of at the moment.

Cheers

HHH

when i was four or five i had a hard on for a chick in a soap commercial. i remember thinking the next time the commercial was on i was gonna stand up on the chair so i could check out her snacks down lower in the tv. good thing it didn’t work 'cause if it did i prolly wouldn’t have asked my neighbor courtney if i could see hers.

[quote]swivel wrote:
when i was four or five i had a hard on for a chick in a soap commercial. i remember thinking the next time the commercial was on i was gonna stand up on the chair so i could check out her snacks down lower in the tv. good thing it didn’t work 'cause if it did i prolly wouldn’t have asked my neighbor courtney if i could see hers.[/quote]

Cheeze and rice, man, you must be a fount of testosterone! The only memory I have of being five is running full-steam into a rocking chair. Had a black eye for a week!

My oldest stupid memory was that if I started walking laps around the house, at the age of 12, I’d no longer be a fat-ass.

Woops.

I lost weight, but not from walking – I had to run to escape the gang-banging 13-year-olds that populated my ghetto.

[quote]swivel wrote:
when i was four or five i had a hard on for a chick in a soap commercial. i remember thinking the next time the commercial was on i was gonna stand up on the chair so i could check out her snacks down lower in the tv. good thing it didn’t work 'cause if it did i prolly wouldn’t have asked my neighbor courtney if i could see hers.[/quote]

that’s beautiful

I wrote letter’s (ok basically just drew us having dinner) to vanna white expecting to get a date when i was about 4.

I really thought my parents were going to mail them to her. The pricks.

When I was about three or four My Dad would leave to work and a short while after he left Mr. Rogers would come on T.V.

Well my dad all those years ago bore a slight resemblence to Mr. Rogers and I thought that was my Dad when he would walk into his T.V. house and take his sweater off.

I also thought summer break was a year long until I was in about the 5th grade. I remember telling another kid, at my new school, after he told me their summer break there was three months, that at my old school it was a year. He probably thought I was crazy.

Dumbest thing I did as a kid was when I was around 7 or 8, I climbed to the top of our mango tree while all the neighborhood kids watched, hung from my ankles and hands upside down on a branch saying, “I’m a monkey, I’m a monkey!”, then suddenly I heard, CRACK and felt pain shooting through my entire body. The branch apparently broke and I fell flat on my back onto the rock garden below.

Another stunt was at the beach jumping from a small cliff in order to land face down with arms and legs sprawled out, like I saw someone do on TV in the soft snow. Only thing I didn’t realize, the sand isn’t compliant as is soft snow, so it was like landing on the hard ground and SPLAT, then intense pain shot through my entire body.

One time I was trying to glide down the concrete stairs at school stomach-first, much like diving into a pool, like I had seen on TV. Yep, massive abrasions on my stomach and front of my thighs.

Then jumping off my parents’ roof, landing feet first, with the idea that if I allowed my body to land with grace and recoil with the jump, I’d survive. I did. Not a single broken bone. Eat your heart out Jackass.

We made a “bike ramp” with stacked-up loose bricks and pieces of plywood. Of course, I had to be the first to try the jump. It of course fell apart while I was attempting to jump, and I ate it all over the road.

Four of us tied ropes to the handlebars and backs of our banana bikes. When it was my turn to be the “leader”, I decided to do all kinds of cool stuff, like zig-zags, speeding up and slowing down, etc., and those behind me had no choice but to follow. Finally, I sped up and decided to make a hard u-turn around a stop sign pole. You can imagine what happened next.

At 9 years old, took a huge drag of my mom’s cigarette. Got very sick and puked a lot.

New Year’s Eve, I got the idea to make a shoo-shoo bomb. I took out all the gunpowder from many firecrackers and because it was windy, sat with my legs crossed and made a pile of the gunpowder between my legs. I took one fuse and laid it atop the pile of gunpowder. It was intended to make a shooing type of flash, but instead I was surprised when I lit the fuse it was a loud explosion right there in between my legs, and I was temporarily deaf for a day and a half afterward.

Can you tell we didn’t have a lot of supervision growing up? Wonder if we ate many lead paint chips when we were little. It’s a wonder my siblings and I made it to age 18.

Wow, Chinadoll, that is an impressive list of stupidity. I don’t think I did anything nearly as retarded as that. But I’m gonna try:

I’m sure every boy has destroyed at least one wasp’s nest. Count me among them. (it was frickin huge too, about the size of a basketball) I didn’t destroy it because it was bothering us or anything, in fact it was out in the woods. Just random destruction.

Me and my brother took croquet mallets and smashed all the screen windows in the guesthouse in our backyard. Man my dad was ticked. I have no idea why we did this.

The metal sliding part of one of the floppy disks we had came partly off, so I decided it would be a good idea to hold it on and just shove it in the drive. Of course, it got stuck there. I don’t remember how or if we got it out.

I used to stand atop a wooden fence in the yard with one of those plastic narrow wiffle ball bats in my hand, spin that fucker over my head really fast and jump off. Assuming of course that if I spun the bat fast enough I would take flight.

Mom said she I would let me do that for an hour at a time before she’d tell me to stop.

Gainer.

When I was 5, I used to wonder why women had to sit down to take a piss so I figured they must have had penises coming out of their asses.

[quote]chinadoll wrote:
Dumbest thing I did as a kid was when I was around 7 or 8, I climbed to the top of our mango tree while all the neighborhood kids watched, hung from my ankles and hands upside down on a branch saying, “I’m a monkey, I’m a monkey!”, then suddenly I heard, CRACK and felt pain shooting through my entire body. The branch apparently broke and I fell flat on my back onto the rock garden below.

Another stunt was at the beach jumping from a small cliff in order to land face down with arms and legs sprawled out, like I saw someone do on TV in the soft snow. Only thing I didn’t realize, the sand isn’t compliant as is soft snow, so it was like landing on the hard ground and SPLAT, then intense pain shot through my entire body.

One time I was trying to glide down the concrete stairs at school stomach-first, much like diving into a pool, like I had seen on TV. Yep, massive abrasions on my stomach and front of my thighs.

Then jumping off my parents’ roof, landing feet first, with the idea that if I allowed my body to land with grace and recoil with the jump, I’d survive. I did. Not a single broken bone. Eat your heart out Jackass.

We made a “bike ramp” with stacked-up loose bricks and pieces of plywood. Of course, I had to be the first to try the jump. It of course fell apart while I was attempting to jump, and I ate it all over the road.

Four of us tied ropes to the handlebars and backs of our banana bikes. When it was my turn to be the “leader”, I decided to do all kinds of cool stuff, like zig-zags, speeding up and slowing down, etc., and those behind me had no choice but to follow. Finally, I sped up and decided to make a hard u-turn around a stop sign pole. You can imagine what happened next.

At 9 years old, took a huge drag of my mom’s cigarette. Got very sick and puked a lot.

New Year’s Eve, I got the idea to make a shoo-shoo bomb. I took out all the gunpowder from many firecrackers and because it was windy, sat with my legs crossed and made a pile of the gunpowder between my legs. I took one fuse and laid it atop the pile of gunpowder. It was intended to make a shooing type of flash, but instead I was surprised when I lit the fuse it was a loud explosion right there in between my legs, and I was temporarily deaf for a day and a half afterward.

Can you tell we didn’t have a lot of supervision growing up? Wonder if we ate many lead paint chips when we were little. It’s a wonder my siblings and I made it to age 18.[/quote]

Chinadoll hon-that explosing between your legs really got me to reply-is there any way you can feel a mere mortal if he or she is trying to work their mojo there? Are there any scars on your body from all of the mayhem? I have about as many or more stories than you-but baby you have been T-mag since birth-as always you rock!

I used to think that if you hold your breath long enough under water, you would eventualy get good at it and not have to breath anymore.

I also thought that skydivers used parachutes because they just weren’t that good at it.

If you hit the brakes on the way down, you would stop falling.(thanks bugs!)

If you hit a jump on your bike and bunnyhopped over and over, you would just keep going higher and higher.

That stuff was fun.

When I was in preschool one day they gave each kid an egg(for what reason I can’t remember but it was fresh). I decided that I was going to hatch my egg, so I sat on it. Imagine my surprise. Also when I was in kindergarten I was deathly afraid of bees and wasps. So I used to walk to school and talk to them like I was their friend. I must have sounded crazy, never been stung though.

“I’ll tell you when you’re older”

Now that I am 20, I STILL haven’t been told any of those things…

But when they used this line, I remember thinking “I’ll remember this, so if they forget I can remind them to tell me once I am old” - of course I don’t remember any of them…

I’m sure I’ve learned them all and then some anyway.

For some reason I thought a TORNADO was actually TOMATO and a huge tomato would come rolling over everything.

This thread was a great idea, funny stuff…

I remember being fucking fearless as long as I had on my Detroit Tigers helmet. You know, the cheap little plastic one’s you picked up from the ball park? I would go over bike jumps, climb trees, swing from the rope in the barn, climb up in the silos. It was all good as long as I had that helmet on.

I used to think that firemen and policeman didn’t eat or sleep. Not sure how I thought they lived

After all, how could they save lives if they were busy doing things like fulfilling the basic needs of sustaining life.
-MAtt

Agreed, Gainer, agreed, a good thread indeed.

Here’s another memory from childhood lane. When I was in preschool for lunch they always included vegetables which I hated at that age and the teachers would make sure you cleaned your plate.

Well my Mummsy told me when she would do laundry she would find my pockets stuffed with said veggies.

Another time after a family fishing trip they said they found a fish in my pocket after a few days of ripening in the dirty laundry.

I used to believe that the government put camera’s in all TV sets and that if you made a threat against the president in about one minute you’d get taken down by 10 g men. I used to turn my back to the TV when I walked past it.

I was anti-government even back then…

[quote]lostinthought wrote:
I used to believe that the government put camera’s in all TV sets [/quote]

That’s takes all of the fun out of watching porn.