Stuff You Never Asked For But Got for Christmas

I had an aunt who was severely schizophrenic, but happy as fuck.

About 5 or 6 times throughout the year, she would take these big manila legal envelopes and stuff them completely full of shapes that she had cut out of magazines. When I say “shapes”, I don’t mean pictures or articles - she would cut a square out of page 2, a triangle out of page 5, etc. And when I say “stuff”, I mean to the point where the envelope started to bulge out the sides, like a deflated football. Each shape would be cut out with surgical precision and I can only imagine the hours it must have taken her.

She’d mail these to my brother and me on completely random dates. We’d come home from school on, say, May 13th and there’d be two shape-filled envelopes waiting for us on the doorstep. “Sweet. More shapes” we’d think.

Our parents made us write thank-you notes after each delivery, which literally read “Thank you for the shapes”.

[quote]PimpBot5000 wrote:
I had an aunt who was severely schizophrenic, but happy as fuck.

About 5 or 6 times throughout the year, she would take these big manila legal envelopes and stuff them completely full of shapes that she had cut out of magazines. When I say “shapes”, I don’t mean pictures or articles - she would cut a square out of page 2, a triangle out of page 5, etc. And when I say “stuff”, I mean to the point where the envelope started to bulge out the sides, like a deflated football. Each shape would be cut out with surgical precision and I can only imagine the hours it must have taken her.

She’d mail these to my brother and me on completely random dates. We’d come home from school on, say, May 13th and there’d be two shape-filled envelopes waiting for us on the doorstep. “Sweet. More shapes” we’d think.

Our parents made us write thank-you notes after each delivery, which literally read “Thank you for the shapes”. [/quote]

Out of curiosity, she didn’t have a daughter than is now working in a casino?

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
Santa hates Jews, so I’ve never gotten bumpkiss for Christmas.

Fucking fat antisemitic bastard.[/quote]

i thought all jews got pleated slacks for xmas

[quote]KrohDaddi wrote:

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
Santa hates Jews, so I’ve never gotten bumpkiss for Christmas.

Fucking fat antisemitic bastard.[/quote]

i thought all jews got pleated slacks for xmas[/quote]

Or a hammer and spikes.

Too soon?

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
Santa hates Jews, so I’ve never gotten bumpkiss for Christmas.

Fucking fat antisemitic bastard.[/quote]

Well you guys gotta quit sitting on your asses and hurry up and find a savior then kill him in front of a bunch of people then call it a holiday.

This may take some time though.

i gave my mom a brick one year. wrapped it up, put a bow on it and everything. this year my parents are getting a custom, lifesize, talking cardboard cutout of myself. theyre going to love it…

[quote]KrohDaddi wrote:

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:
Santa hates Jews, so I’ve never gotten bumpkiss for Christmas.

Fucking fat antisemitic bastard.[/quote]

i thought all jews got pleated slacks for xmas[/quote]

No, we get the good parking places in front of Chinese restaurants.

This was the actual video for which I was looking:

http://www.hulu.com/watch/1373/saturday-night-live-christmas-for-the-jews-song

That’s great!

I’m going to steal your Chinese restaurant joke OK? Very funny.