T Nation

Stuff You Never Asked For But Got for Christmas


one year i got one of those original giant Darth Vader dolls
they were relatively expensive compared to some of the stuff i asked for but didn't get
and i was already a little old for this sort of thing
(i hadn't even seen the movie)

i had Planet of the Apes and Johnny West and G.I.Joe stuff when i was younger
but a big doll that didn`t even do anything was kind of out-of-the-blue

did you ever get something unexpected for christmas?




When I was really little, I loved carousel horses. I got several of them for holidays, up to about age nine. Then things petered out as I got older.

Christmas of my 15th year, my mother gave me a beautiful, huge, handmade, cross-stitched framed carousel horse, based on a pattern I'd tried to do when I was about seven.

She put in so much hard work, so much love, so much time, and of course I was a bratty 15 year old who really was not at all into carousel horses anymore...


A buckmaster knife. I did ask for it but never thought I would get one. This is back during the Rambo First Blood big ass knife rage. When my dad gave me the gift I thought he had wrapped up a couple of bricks. When I opened it I think my mom thought I would never make it a year. Once I found a belt that would hold it up I tied the sheath up so it would not rubbed against my knee. Love that knife, have had quite a few adventures with it. Only had it stuck in my leg once. I sleep with it by my bed.



I love rock music.

My dad loves country.

Bruce Springstiens "Born in the USA" was THE album to get that particular Christmas.

My Dad got me "Live from Asbury Park."

Swing and a miss. He never tried to buy me music again after that. Poor dude, I did my best to be pumped about it until my older brother noted it was the wrong album.


underwear. more specifically, tighty whiteys.

every year till I moved out.

honestly, who gets underwear for Christmas?

now I don't wear any undies. ever.

is that tmi?


My first guitar. I had been totally into Rock Band and Guitar Hero but had never actually tried playing the real thing. My gf (now my wife) took the next step and bought me a Squier Strat with a 5W amp and a few instructional DVDs. Haven't looked back since.


I'm happy you all got the upgrades, but on a darker note...

I never asked for clothes, but sure as hell, once I saw that perfectly rectangular box all the xmas cheer just drained out of my lifeless face. Admit it, you've done the same damn thing. Six pair of socks, oh praise Jesus!!!!! (fakes thank you to Aunt I only see once a year).


every single year from my grandparents (God bless em)

usually a sweater or a button up shirt or something lol


my aunt (who I only saw on Christmas) crocheted me a beenie. it was green and yellow. that was a real hard 'thank you' to fake.


Guess it would take a special kind of Packers fan to appreciate such a thing.


My brother was so pumped that he was getting a baseball bat for xmas but my dad and older brother boxed up a exhaust pipe from work lol.

All I got.


Yeah, getting underwear for Christmas was tradition in our house too.


One year, I really wanted a stereo for my room. I had stero catalogs all over the place, talked about it nonstop. Christmas morning, there is a brand new stereo under the tree..... for my brother! Parents got me one of those Weider weight sets because they thought I was too fat. FML



Santa once hid all my presents and left me with nothing but a lump of coal. After years of teasing and joking about it, they finally did it. Somehow, it's a lot funnier in theory than in practice.


When I was 12, my grandma got me bugs bunny doll that said things when you pulled the string. I politely said thank you, but couldn't hide the look of immense disgust on my face when I opened it.


Santa hates Jews, so I've never gotten bumpkiss for Christmas.

Fucking fat antisemitic bastard.






Oh, it was a banner fucking year at the old 1492 family. I got a carton of cigarettes. The old man grabbed me and said, "Hey, smoke up Al."