Stuff you hear at the gym that makes you mad

Some fat ass guy walked up to me at the gym and told me that doing heavy shrugs with DB’s wont do a thing for me, and as a matter of fact DB’s will not do anything for anyone, that cables are the only way to go if you want mass. He also said that every once in awhile he can hear me make some grunting noises when I lift and asked if I would stop doing that. I told him to get the f___ away from me.

Spot-Wars

A long time ago, in a gym far far away, Luke Benchpresser, is unable to find his training partner Han Singles and is forced to go to the Darkside for a spot and so begins a battle of wills with his arch enemy, Darth Trainer over the merits of singles…

LB: I’d like to do a couple of singles now, to see how my bench is progressing.

DT: Oh, why do you want do that, you’d be far better off doing reps.

LB: Well its what I want to do…

DT: You’ll never gain muscle like that.

LB: I actually want to get strong.

DT: You’d be better doing triples.

LB: Oh, really.

DT: Yes, powerlifters do 3 rep maxes to get strong. Also, you should do about 4 or 5 sets with only 20-30 seconds rest between each…

LB: Hmmm… how does that work then?

DT: Well it stimulates more lactic acid which increases muscle hypertrophy which makes you stronger. Its far better than singles. You’ll find at first you wont be able to get 3 reps after the first couple of sets (you don’t say) but I’ll help you out (with some forced negatives by set 5 I reckon)

Anyway, this argument continues for several minutes. Luke, using The Force (that Jedi Speed Benching had paid off), finds a way out of this morass and proceeds to put his 1 rep max on the bar, this way he’ll try the single and then ask the guy to re-rack. Luke starts the rep and Darth Trainer refuses to let go of the bar.

LB (Thinks): Oh No! The Death Row, I didn’t realize it was fully operational.

Darth screams “squeeze it, push it, don’t stop - you need to get all three, Come On!!!” whilst rowing the bar up and down for 3 reps. At the end Luke, visibly shaken knows he may have 4 more sets of this and certain death at the end. Luke grabs his shoulder and grimaces, its a long shot but it works.

LB: I think that’s enough today, Darth, my shoulder feels sore…

DT: Well, you could try working through it…

LB: No, I really think I’ve had enough.

Darth Trainer skulks off…

This is what I get…“Are you a powerlifer?” And trust me I don’t come close to looking like one (I can’t lift heavy enough to even warrant that comment.I just do the lifts.) And, of course, “I’m surpised your aren’t bigger lifting that much weight…be careful before you get too bulky.” And this was from a ‘trainer’.

I used to work out at this really good gym when I lived in London. The place was full of really dedicated lifters, lots of regional bodybuilders, powerflifters and bouncers.

There was also a small group of people who were just there for the general fitness thing but they were pretty cool and didnt do any power cage curls or the like.

Anyway. The owner of the gym (5 foot 10 and 225 LEAN pounds) is showing a potential client around the gym and asking him about his fitness goals…

GYM OWNER " So what is it you
really want to achieve?"

CUSTOMER " I just want to lose a bit of weight and improve my general fitness."

G.O “Thats cool. We will get you started on a program using weights and cardio to work on your overall fitness.”

C “Oh!I dont want to get TO big or anything. Its probablty better not to do weights”

I started laughing and nearly dropped the barbell I was benching as the Gym owner started giving this terrified guy a lecture about what it would actually take for someone to get “TO big”.

It seems the general public believe that you lift. go home, eat and that muscles just spring up overnight!!

hey spiderman, i think you have greatly over estimated the intelligence of the average fat guy in the gym. they dont think you have to eat when you go home. they just think you pay for a membership, pick up a few of those weight thingys and bam your huge.

Im hearing ya!!!

Its so funny every time you hear someone say

“Be careful with those weights!! You might get too big!”

I WISH!

I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before. A couple months ago, I was working legs. I had finished squatting and had moved on to leg presses. After my first set, this little dorky guy walks up to me and asks, “Have you ever worried about the machine malfunctioning and the weight crashing down on you?” He sounded as if he were trying to scare me into using lighter weights. The obvious jealousy bothered me a bit.

You mean people use the leg press machine and DON’T think that???

Man, that is my biggest fear in the gym. Every time I used the leg press machine I had visions of my legs being in between the carriage between sets and the catches giving way, the sled fly’s down into my shins and smashes into them, snapping/cutting them in half, blood spurting everywhere and me being a cripple with stumps forever, but then I have a solid mix of imagination and paranoia.

Hyphnz - that’s funny, becuase that’s kind of what I said to the guy. I’ve never, ever worried about something going wrong WHILE I’m lifting, just before or after when it would come down and hit my shins. I would have to cry like a little school girl.

Hyphnz…great description of EXACTLY what goes through my mind every leg day…GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

Can’t wait for the Prozac to kick in…

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see”

~ Henry David Thoreau

This muppet who kept doing exercises with crap form and bought all supplements in the gym, asked my friend Rob who owns the gym how to get big.

Rob who was sick of his constant stupid questions said that you need good genetics to start with.

Muppet boy thought about it and then uttered -

“Where do I buy those?”

absolute quality, we were laughing for ages about this one…

He doesn’t train anymore…
Stubob

Man that’s AWESOME, I think you can buy genetics from Weider.com If you got enough money.

I had this guy ask me for a spot on the 45 degree leg press machine. He had about 8 plates and did about 6 good reps, good form. The humor here is when he was finished he gets up looks at me and says

“Man I’m all natural, can you believe that weight I push, I’m a genetic freak!!!”

Um…yeah…Ok…Um good set…

What the hell do you say to that?

Heard it yet again yesterday. I’m sitting in the desk area at the fitness center I work at reading about eating disorders in male athletes in this months ACSM journal, when two guys walk up to me and ask…“is it possible to build upper body strength working your legs?” The reason they asked, was because one of them stated that he NEVER works his legs cause he doesnt have to. His friend has been trying to persuade him otherwise, but this other dude just refuses to work legs. So, I asked him why he never works legs? Why would you only work HALF your body? His reply, “well to be honest, I enjoy working upper body…working legs isnt enjoyable…it hurts too much.” I felt like drop kicking him in the head to knock some sense into him! He said that he runs alot, so that is how he works his legs. I was just so pissed, that I didnt have a comment. What I really felt like doing, was laughing at him and teling him to get out of my face…but I would more than likely get fired if I did that…haha. Anyways, his friend has been trying to convince him to start working legs…and I explained to him that doing things such as squats and deadlifts will most certainly help with “upper body” stength, but will be more beneficial for OVERALL strength. Anyways, that comment just royally pissed me off. Come on!! "I dont do legs cause it isnt enjoyable…it hurts too much! Please…let me go get my violin and play a sad tune for you!

Wow, ladies and gents, my hats go off to you. This has been the funniest post ever. I am very fortunate enough to workout at a hardcore gym. IF anyone here happens to live in Bloomington, IN or is ever in town there, look up Iron Pit Gym. This stuff is priceless!!!

I got told again last night that I really need to start doing laterals to build my shoulders. I was in the middle of doing push presses. Ok, I admit it, I do laterals, but never at the expense of the meat and potato lifts. The day I start working every single muscle in isolation and give up on money exercises is the day I start staying home and playing show tunes with my armpits.

I did not hear this at a gym, but rather in a Vitamin store I work at part time. A lady probably in her mid 40s asked if we sold ephedrine. I responded with a “yes, its one of our best sellers.” She then proceeded to unleash the fury on me. " How can you sell death? What does it feel like to know you are killing people?" She was dead seriouse, and stormed out of the store.

Tony – LOL. I thought the whole point of leg day is to be in pain and curse the person who wrote the routine and the person who convinced you to do the routine (if that happened to be you, you may hate yourself).

One of the stupidest things I’ve seen this week –

A skinny-fat gym staff member was showing this chick how to do use a hack squat machine. The girl was chubby, and apparently never worked out before. The gym staff explained how the machine works. When the girl asked for demo, the gym staff couldn’t do it cuz she didn’t know how to disengage the safety pin! rolling eyes I just chuckled and left the gym since I was done w/ my routine. (I also had a distinct feeling that the gym staff won’t appreciate my offer to help… )

Stella,
No crap!!! The whole point of leg days are to be in pain!!! Shit, I feel like I am going to puke sometimes when I work legs (I have puked before actually). In any case, this guy is a lost cause I think. He seems pretty set on his rationale. How is goin fightin off all the studs at your gym with their lame come-on lines, “hey there purday lady…do ya need a spot?”…HAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry, couldnt resist! See ya…Tony G

Tony G,

I try to avoid the busy time by working out late at night and remove ALL my make up before I go and wear baggy clothes. Or sometimes I just have a very evil mean look when they say things like “Hey”. That tends to leave them alone. Or I pretend that I can’t hear them if I have my mp3 player with me altho ONE GUY WAS SO F****** PERSISTENT AND REFUSED TO GO AWAY UNTIL I ACKNOWELDGED HIS “CAN YOU HEAR ME? HEY! CAN YOU HEAR ME? HEY, HEY, THERE!” rolling eyes

well here are a few

“How can ou take epehdrine, when it kills people, I just take a few sudafed for a lift.”

Now, I live in canada where epehdrine supplemenst are being abnned (they are only allowed to be sold in 8mg pills now, which will do nothing cuz people will just atke 3 ata time, plus we get plenty of shipmenst from the US)because it ahs kileld “10 people in the area.” let’s not 4get it “killed” that baseball player who worked out in 100 degree weather, having not worked out all teh offseason and showing up a fat slob, but of course it was all teh ephedrine’s fault. oh yeah, for thsoe of you who don’t know, i will give u one guess what ingredient in suda-FED gives you the high? The same ingredient used in many childrens’ cough syrups. That’s right, our good friend (and yous too) ephedrine

“Look, I have a masters in nutrition, so i already know what to eat, just tell me how to work out to lose this gut.The nutrition si eeasy anyways”

This man was severely obese, so he obviously didn’t know that nutrition is everything, and his nutrition obviously sucked anyways, but he kept giving me the run aroudn, is eriosuly doubt he had any degree

“I just wanna lose this gut/butt, everything else is fine, what exercise do i do?”

and the skinny people always tell me “You’ll never put on size with your short workouts, you gotta be here for 2 hours like ME.”—i do 30-40 mins so they are not exactly “short”

Girls:“I don’t want to lift weights, i don’t wnat bulk to look like a man.”–I wish i could just touch a weight and blow up. Think of all the men who workout and are still skinny, i guess women will just blow up

“I don’t want to take protein, i don’t wnat to be bulky” (see above)

“Why do you eat so much protein, don’t you know thay will destory your kidneys.” (The same goes for steroids destroying your liver…when this always comes from some dude who drinks like a madman…thus doing way more dmagae to his kindeys and liver than i am, and smokes several cancer sticks a day."

the other thing…vegetarians like my family. “How can i get protein without meat??? I don’t wnat to take powders.”
–to be honest they don’t even workout so they don’t even need it but it annoys me all these people who are “vegetarians” and think they eat healthy. vegetarins implies eating VEGETABLES. not potato chips, french fries, all other kidns of greasy fried food, which they feel is ok as long as it isn’t meat

Thank you, just needed to get that off my chest. Stella, you shouldd have told that guy “Oh sorry, i thought my boyfriend was calling me, if you see some huge mean looking dude, tell him i’m right here!”