T Nation

Stuck in My Parents' House at 23


#1

Long time T-Nation user; just registered a diffrent name for this post because I'm embarrassed to talk about this.

Basically, I'm turning 23 in 70 days, I'm still living at home with my parents, and I can't seem to get the fuck out despite the fact that I've been planning to do so for two years. I'm stuck.

The problem is that I have wasted pretty much all of my time since high school, not knowing what to do. I attended community college for three years (while living at home), and did not work during that period even though I was only going to school part-time. After graduating last spring, I was finally ready to transfer to a four-year school and get the fuck outta here, but my parents' financial recent financial burdens ultimately precluded that possibility.

I tried to make a fast $10-20K by growing marijuana. I've actually never used any drug before, but my brother knew some people I could sell to, so I decided to go for it. This was stupid because I didn't know what I was doing, and I got myself busted two months into the grow operation. So now I'm not only broke, but ineligble for federal student financial aid for a period of one year due to having a drug-related offense. Fan-goddamn-tastic.

So, it was decided that I would have to work for a year instead of going to school. I tried to get a decent job, but unfortunately my Associate's degree is good for JACK SHIT and I haven't been able to do any better than two shitty low-wage jobs. And, now that it's the winter season, the hours at my current job have dried up and I'm getting about 10 hrs. a week.

I could get another lousy job, but... I fucking hate this shit. It's a waste of my existance. I feel like I'm selling a year of my life for $12K - it just isn't worth my fucking time. Especially after I went to school for three years!

I'm not really making enough money to send myself to school next year, and it's uncertain as to whether my parents will be able to send me. So I really don't know what the fuck to do right now.

One this is for sure, and that is that I CAN'T STAND TO SPEND ANOTHER TEN MINUTES LIVING WITH MY PARENTS! I'm just not my own man as long as I'm living here. I have to live by their rules and be totally suboordinate to them. It sucks to be doing this shit at 23. I have to get out, and soon. Within the next 3-6 months for sure.

But, if I move out, I won't be able to save any money, and I defintely won't be able to go to school. So, I ask you, WHAT THE FUCK AM I GONNA DO? What the fuck is the point of working all day for minimum wage just to go back to my carboard box in the evening? Not much, as far as I can tell.

I do have some pretty brilliant business ideas, but they will cost money to start up and I don't currently have any of that shit.

I've got $2500 in the bank right now, and am working about 10 hrs a week on the weekends for $7.35 an hour.

What should I do?


#2

Why didn't you work while in community college? My parents would have never let that happen to begin with. I don't understnd how you didn't simply apply for financial aid as an independent and go to a state college after junior college. How did growing in your house come into the picture as a logical alternative? You've made ridiculous life choices. Ride it out and go back to school. Then again, you could simply light one up and relax since it seems like something you're good at.


#3

Selling pot was a pretty dumbass move, but nothing you can do about it now.

Come on dude, anyone can find a job that pays $8 and hour for 40 hours a week. It's not going to be fun, but you can get out on your own. Hell, this year I'm going to make all of about $20,000, and I work 64 hours a week. I pretty much work for free at job number 1 being it is a family business and it's slow. I hate it, but I'm too proud to give up and leave.

Find some roomies. I have a car payment, credit card payment, rent(I live alone). I make it happen. It's not pretty, I have zero savings, not much outlook on the future, but I'm making it.

Life is going to kick you in the balls every now and then. That's just the way it is. Try not to kick yourself too often, because that hurts a hell of a lot more.


#4

Sounds like you have a lot of problems which make living with your parents seem more like a blessing than a problem to me.


#5

Just a thought: If you can't save money from a 12k/year job while living at home, you will always be poor, no matter how much you make. I've been able to save enough over the summer to pay fall tuition while living on my own off of about $900/month before taxes. My sister paid off her entire student loan in 2 years while making $20k/year, living on her own. So where is YOUR money going?

Bottom line, get your expenses in check. Sit down, make a plan, figure out a budget to make it happen, and do it. If you tighten your belt, you can live off of $500-600/month in many cities (provided you share an apartment). If you make $12k a year, you could save up $400-500/month while not living at home, and put that towards tuition. You also have to figure out if college is right for you. Don't go because you feel you should. If what you want to do with your life requires college, go. If it doesn't, going is a waste of time and money. You would probably make more money with a good trade than with a degree you aren't interested in, anyway.

Finally, stop complaining about your parents. You should feel lucky as hell that they are willing to let you live in their house. Having to follow their rules is a small price to pay for a place to live, if you ask me.


#6

Dude, join the Marines. You want out? You'll get out. You'll get more money for an education. You'll get to take classes while you're in (depending on your job). You'll get a job skill. You'll travel the world. You'll save money if you don't party every fucking weekend. I've already done my 4, but if I were in your shoes, I'd do it again. Good luck.

Joe


#7

Damn man, shitty ass shit you've got goin on there. Honestly, if I didn't join the Marine Corps right out of High School I probably would be in the same boat, but that's not an option for you having been busted with drugs and shit, so, have you thought about trying to get a room mate to live with or anything?

Any siblings that are living out in the real world you could maybe move in with?

There's got to be something you can get into that will pay an acceptable wage man, you'll find it, that shit takes time. I would suggest looking for a room mate or something, anything to get your ass out of that house!

Good Luck

InkAddict


#8

The first part of your post was some funny shit. You could probably turn that into a screenplay.

That aside, you need to stop whining. You want to move out but from what you say it doesn't seem like you're mature enough to support yourself.

Yeah, working all hours of the week for not much money is shit, but join the club. Part of growing up is the realisation that money takes effort to earn. We all have to bust our asses for whatever cash we earn, but at the end of it i know that i can walk down the street with my head held high, knowing that i earned it. I'm not some bum sponging of the social security just because it's less effort than working for the same amount.

When you move out and get your own place, everything you earn will be spent on just living. You'll have nothing else to play with - this means that partying all night,buying useless shit and generally bumming around will have to stop. Save what money is left over. After a few months to a year, you'll have enough to upgrade you're life.

Bottom line - nothing in this world worth having comes easy. Are you gonna put in the effort or are you gonna stay at home under the all-seeing parental eye, scrutinizing your every move, judging your late nights, hasseling you to find a job etc. Do it!


#9

There are a ton of jobs out there with tuition benefits. That's how I financed my bachelors degree, and how I am currently financing my Masters. The first degree was paid for by an electric company during which time I worked as a meter reader for 8 bucks an hour, and a call center rep for $9.23 an hour. I currently work for a manufacturing company that also pays 100% tuition. I guess the point I am trying to make is that you don't have to have a skilled or high paying job to get these benefits if you find a good company. The only drawback to this ( if you consider it a drawback) is that you will be working full time and going to school, so you will have very little free time on your hands.
Just out of curiosity, did you get a felony conviction for your pot bust?


#10

Here is what I think bro,

Navy

Marine Corps

Air Force

Coast Guard

Army

In that order

Selling Pot wasn't your best choice and that may affect what kind of jobs you qualify for, but the Military needs all types.

You write well, leading me to think that you have a natural aptitude even though your motivation and common sense are lacking a little.

If you're still smoking pot, that would have to stop, but if you're into staying in shape, learning marketable skills, etc, then the Military seems like the right choice for you.

And you'll be making more than 12k out the gate.

And you'll have life insurance and free medical/dental/gym, etc.

And you're a little older and seasoned, already qualifying you to be placed in leadership positions where you can be a positive influence for younger troops.

It may seem like a drastic option from the lifestyle you're accustomed to, but dude you need the change. Get out and away from Mom and Dad and start living life as a man for goodness sake.

Gaining some self respect will bring back your swagger and confidence.

And if you don't dig it you can always get out after your first hitch. However, I've seen guys like you who were (for lack of a better term) slackers turn into some of the most oustanding military professionals this country has.

Something to ponder at least.

Any specific questions please feel free to PM me, I don't want to sound like a recruiter, but I know what the Military did for me when I thought my adult life wasn't going to pan out.

Good luck,

GAINER


#11

Have you ever seen the Trailer Park Boys?

Anyway, grow some balls, make some goals, and figure out how to get from A to B. It won't always be easy, but busting ass is often the most important thing you can do to solve a problem.


#12

OK, I am going to make some very unpopular comments here, I'm sure. This is nothing personal as I obviously don't know you, and the only reason it may sound harsh is because I am kinda fed up with the mentality.

Here's my political / social comment on this: This is an epidemic of sorts. Americans somehow thinking that $12K / yr is WORSE than NOTHING. This is why there are so many panhandling jobless Americans. Sure, you aren't near this point, but it's how it starts. In my opinion, no one is too good for any job. You take what you can get. Damn your AS.

Now for a tiny bit of inspiration. I was living on my own by 18. I had no choice; I physically could NOT live with family. I couldn't afford school anymore as I had to work to survive. I had some college under my belt. No degrees at all. I had a $6 / hr job that barely paid my bills, but I made it work.

After doing that for a while I got a job at, quite literally, the ground floor of a large corporation. Mail room-type stuff. It was low pay, but better than $6 / hr. I stuck it our. Within six months I had learned enough from the job and co-workers to actually advance to a pretty decent job function. And from there I have grown and excelled.

Obviously I am not being too specific here, but the details aren't important. Thing point is you should never look at your situation like it is "a waste of YOUR time" or "beneath you." If you are in that situation, then that's it. You have to stick it out and make it work. MAKE a better situation for yourself. Sure it takes time. But what choice do you have?

Stuck? In my opinion you have it way better / easier than I did (aside from the drug charges). You live at home, so expenses have to be minimal, and you have at least SOME degree. Seems pretty clear to me.

I'm 29 now and I have a career. I have been in my industry for about 8 years now. As of this date I still have no degree and only a couple of certificates (and these were after I got on-the-job training). I think about school sometimes, but haven't gone back yet.

And no, I am not suggesting people forgo schooling and jump into the work force. Again, my point is you have to make your situation work for you. Suck up your pride about work and family. Or you'll never get anywhere.

Sorry if I sound less than sympathetic. That's not the intention. You HAVE to make your situation work for you. Even if it is a distant payoff.


#13

I hate to parrot the above answers, but think about the military. It's what I did. It will get you far away from the house, job skills, money for school, an edge on life (I know, silly slogan, but it is true) and maybe some good times. If you already feel like you are selling years off of your life, why not do it the right way?
I'm not partial to the army, but I do know that right now they are offering huge signing bonuses and enlistments as low as 18 months.


#14

So, instead of going to work to solve your problems, you're what... complaining that you could make $12? You live at home... why can't you save money?

Shit, why can't you find a roommate or a dive apartment on $12/hr? Do you feel that, having gone to school, you're entitled to a higher-paying job?

Guess what... with the exception of some specific field, a degree doesn't matter a hell of lot. Start low and work your way up.

Shit, I only have a two-year... and it's in law enforcement. Yet I'm a rather well-paid business analyst in the corporate world. My degree doesn't count for shit. My work ethic does. My director never went to college. Sure, neither one of us would be hired into our present job, but we both started low and worked our way up.

Nothing can change the fact that, for some strange reason, you decided not to work while attending a community college. Nothing can change the fact that you were convicted, or anything else in your past.

Here's an idea: Go to your $12/hr job. If that's no longer open, then work Burger King during the morning and Domino's at night, five days a week. Yeah, it sucks, but that's what I had to do to get out of the hood and get my own place. No glory? So what!

Everyone has to start somewhere.


#15

Wow, sounds like most of us are in agreement. Good to see strong work ethic and not whining are still popular schools of thought to many.


#16

There it is.

Stop complaining and go do something about it. Your glass is 1/2 empty dude, change it. Motivation and work ethic. You have quit before even trying.


#17

Yeah, what he said...

Oh and pull his finger...

GAINER


#18

First off, good luck in whatever you figure out. Once you get out of this situation, and into a better one, you'll feel so much better about yourself.

That means you're 22. It's okay. You can say 22. I'm sorry, this just reminded me of the little kids who hold up some fingers and say 'My birthday's in this many days'."

Now isn't the time for brilliant ideas. Now is the time for basics. You don't do Swiss Ball Cable Flyes before you Deadlift. Right now, you need to Deadlift.

I'm saying this through gritted teeth, but, have you considered getting into personal training at a gym? If you can get a quickie online certification (whoops, I just cried a little blood), you can try to grab a client or two. I worked with quite a few kids/young adults who were going to school and doing training, and they made some nice coin.

That's funny. If you took a look at my bank account, you'd feel alot better. And I'm working 50-60 hours a week. Bro, that's a decent chunk of change.


#19

http://www.T-Nation.com/readTopic.do?id=459243


#20

w00t. pwnd.