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Struggling With Turning 30

Hey fellas,

So in April I turned 30 and I wasn’t feeling particularly bad about it at the time at all… No big is what I thought. In the last month or so I’ve been struggling with it a lot more, and I think it’s got a lot to do with not being happy with where I am at this stage in my life.

Most of my twenties were spent struggling my ass off just trying to keep a roof over my head. I ended up homeless at age 20 due to family issues, which was at a time in my town where joblessness was still at its peak after the '08 financial crisis. I took on a loan I knew I couldn’t pay back unless I got a job quick, stupid, but also I needed somewhere to live which is how I managed to get my own place. The interest was killing me, I never had a stable job for more than a year or two at most, and it took me until last year to finally pay it off and get financially set.

I didn’t take more than a few weeks off the whole of the last decade of my life. I didn’t go anywhere on vacation, I have very few good memories to look back on and feel happy about my life so far in general. It’s genuinely hard to remember how I used to be before all of that, though I am trying to get back to it, lifting being one thing I used to do that I still get enjoyment from.

Bottom-line here is that I feel like I’ve lost a good portion of my life to circumstances…

We all know you can’t get the time back, and where I spent so many years of my life looking to the future. For the first time ever when I look to the future I no longer have hope, the future I used to look to is now and it sucks. That’s pretty much the crux of the problem is that I’ve lost hope and a sense of excitement for the future.

I don’t have anyone to turn to, and I’m really just looking to see if anyone here can relate and if so what did you do to turn things around?

Thanks and sorry for the negative tone of this post.

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It sounds like you’re undergoing a maturation process. That’s good, keep at it. I got hammered by a lot of stuff both my fault and not my fault in my 20’s too. That’s life. I just turned 40 this year.

Worry about what you can control and don’t waste time or energy on what you cannot. You should be wise enough now to know a bad decision when you see it. Your state of mind will follow the state of your body, so be more aware of what you’re doing to yourself with your choices.

There are going to be a lot of opportunities coming up. The pandemic is shaking things up in a lot of ways. Look to improve your position however you can.

Good luck!

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You are unhappy because you don’t have good memories? Well you can make some now that you’re free of your debt, right?

I’m turning 30 in a month. I live at my mom’s, got dumped, at a shitty job that makes me miserable. I have been to many countries, lots of vacations and great memories with friends. But I’m still unhappy, and not very hopeful for the future. That doesn’t mean things can’t change. I try to have a goal and reach it now to turn my life the way I want it to. For me, it’s having a job that I really like. This is the main root of all my problems. Always made me feel like shit, ashamed, like I never accomplished anything, I wasted my potential. You have to find what makes you miserable and change it.

Your healthy and still breathing? Your ahead of the game…

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The past matters not. The future is unknown. You just have now. The only thing you really control is your reaction to things.

For what it’s worth you are about to enter what I consider to be the best time of a mans life, your 30’s. For some unfathomable reason you will become attractive to women, you will hit a period where you will build a career and start to make money and build a sustainable future. Everything will click into place seemingly without much effort on your part. The truth is, as 2JS said, you are reaching a new level of maturity and understanding. Have at it dude, enjoy.

Edit: I’m 51 btw.

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I turned 30. Once.

Man, I’ll never do that again.

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Do you have kids?

I’m also 30 and had a very similar 20s. Financial crisis when I turned 18 and started college. Spent that decade homeless, in college and working with head down, not enjoying much. A year or two ago, I realized happiness is an inside job and started to change my outlook on every situation. Now, at 30, I’ve got plenty of money, wife, kids, job I enjoy and could go on vacation if I wanted. None of that makes me or others happy though. It all comes with lots of bills, wife to spend time with, kids to take care of, incredibly stressful job and vacations just cause anxiety because you know it all comes to an end.

I used to miss living in my car, despite the fact I was broke, I was free.

Find contentment, then build a life that balances the responsibility and freedom to maintain it.

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Nope! It would have been irresponsible to have had kids in my 20’s due to all the financial problems I was experiencing. I also never learned to drive due to the same issues I had. I think that’s something you need to be doing if you have kids as well.

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I can relate to that… The last few years of getting to the job status I wanted has gone by in a bit of a blur. It makes you feel a lot more like a cog in a machine. The next goal has been achieving that same level of freedom I once enjoyed without having to lose the money which also gives that other level of freedom.

No idea where you get that from, I’m 33 and still invisible to women.

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I can wager a guess as to why.

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Chill dude, seems like a third-life crisis. Not quite a quarter-life crisis, not quite a mid-life crisis.

Most men begin to accumulate wealth in their 30s, so I think you’ll be fine if you keep at it. If you haven’t yet gone the route of higher education, that’s an opportunity to change your life (if you have the bandwidth and a plan), and it’s never too late. Professors love older students, so you’d be at a huge advantage.

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Not everyone can be beautiful baby

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I’m 33 and I’m either invisible to type of women I want or women are mad as hell that I’m not interested in a serious relationship with them.

Don’t we all feel we are invisible to women? When a woman approach me, especially like my ex whom I was like “I’ll never get a girl like that” then I’m like “really? Me? For real?”

Many men feel invisible to them, and figuratively speaking, actually are.

Men who attract women easily, and lots of them, don’t feel invisible to them, especially those who make bedding down women a hobby of sorts.

Have you heard of FIRE (financially independent retire early). It is not easy, but a good goal. Even if you miss your goal, you are likely going to be in a good financial position if you took it seriously at all.

I am trying to achieve a goal in which I have enough money to walk away from work if I choose. I might have to go bare bones if I choose that route, but that is okay. Most likely once I get there, it would be the goal to invest enough to sustain current living.

Economic slavery is IMO a real thing. Make sure the things you buy are worth it. I am driving a car with 185K miles on it that is 15 years old, as an engineer because I want freedom more than things.

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It’s not about being beautiful, it’s about being attractive. I’m actually quite handsome, and many girls find me “hot”. But add poor self esteem and a history of depression to the mix and that’s all it take to sabotage everything. Oh well, at least I enjoy lifting.

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Humble too.

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