I am very glad to finally have reached the point when I am motivated enough to make yet another strong effort in my battle with myself.
I am 22 years old, student of dental medicine. I am currently living and studying in Sofia, Bulgaria. I have been working out for 7-8 years, something that I dont like to openly share with people considering my average looks. In comparison to what I used to be I have deffinetly modified myself a lot. In the beginning of my gym journey I was the same weight like now- 92kg. I am almost the same height as before 178cm. I believe that I am leaning towards being an endomorph. I started working out with doing cardio and dehydratating myself. Years ago I was all about the numbers on the scales. I dropped a lot of weight. Had a period of bolimia. To tell you the thruth I am still think about these times with pleasure and contentment. Came down to 63kg and yet as expected with my shitty genetics even at this weight I wasnt lean. I have had some trainers along the way to guide me and I still cannot believe is it really possible that they were as uneducated in their profession or I was just not being this consecutive in my regime, training etc. Having grown up i see their faults- stuffed me withtons of food when clearly all was going into fat, inappropriate ways of training for someone trying to lose weight. But anyways I am guiding myself in the past 4-5 years with short periods of searching for advice from professional trainers which once again turned out a waste of money and time.
I have taken three or four times some steroids in the past- stanozozol, ephedrine, clenbuterol, anapolon. I believe i have not taken them the exact way needed given that I had hardly been adecuatly guided but The substances have indeed reached my cells. Anapolon and a few times the stanozozol were fakes.
Here in Bulgaria communicating witg smart people in general is not an easy thing to happen. I am being being honest here. It is related with our political environment in the past decades, financial matters etc. That is why it is hard to find proper advice and I have been scrolling around this forum and I am very glad to have found you.
I try to filter what I read because my studying and lifestyle in general envolve a lot of reading. I am learning to filter my sources and avoiding mental fatigue (ps. Not burning a lot of energy laying and sitting with a book 10-12h a day). That is why in the past two years I have seriously put aside fitness related info. Just did not manage to push mysef into being concentrated enough to research that as well. I am trying to get on track though because I need to leave my mediocre looks behind. I need to try one more time. I will try to develope my case and I would really appriciate it if you gave me some guidance.
I know how clean eating works even though I have not been as strict about it recently because I have seen how little productive it is for me.
I could have the body when I try really hard (fat vs. muscle, not condition of skin; thorougly looking 18-9) of a guy who has used to workout throughout a long period of time and has quit for 5-6 years: belly fat, live handles fat, heavy massive legs, wide shoulders, slightly buff hands, miserable pecs, wide back. And that is at best. I always have that flowy watery look. I can upload a photo if needed.
I did a blood test to see what is going on with me. Why am I gaing fat this easy and not managing to surpass my mediocricy.
FT4- 14.29 pmol/l (12-22.00)
TSH- 2.460 mIU/l (0.27-4.20)
Tesstosterone- 22.00 nmol/l (reff: 9,9-27,8)
Insulin- 6.17 mU/l (2,6-25.)
I am seeing the thyroid markers are leaning towards the lower border. Is this the mainindicator for an endomorph?? Is battling the thyroid actually battling the fatty part of oneself? Or is it worse- thorougly constructed like this. Before having done the blood tests thought about doing testosterone injections, but it is clear that I am not in need of this. Or am I?
I know the dangers of hormone intake. I am a massive guy. Maybe if i lost the fat somehow it would actually be possible to notice that I have worked out for some time in my life. I am getting really confused and tired and being quite melancholic by nature being depressed is easy to happen. I have a few motnhs ahead of me and really want to get into a different shape. Not a batter me, but a different me. Thinking about doing well calculated T3 therapy. Losing the weight naturally would really kill me in my everyday tasks and I am certain that reaching a nice condition without hormones would be impossible for me. Growth hormone is ttoo expensive here in Bulgaria, would be hard to attain it. I need to change myself, not improve this mediocre corpse I have for a habitat.
Is there someone else who has the same struggles? I would really appriciate some guidance guys.
Usually work out 6 days a week, on the 7th go for a walk, run, climb, or do nothing, it depends.
I stopped calculating my workouts because I get bored easily after so much time. I spend 1h-1.30-1.45 at the gym with intensity depending on the typw of workout I am in the mood for. Start by rope jumping, stretching, finish with slightly inclined walking or attempts for swimming( suck at it) or sometimes just stretch.
My active workout week consists of 4 days:
Back and biceps;pecs and triceps;shoulders; arms.
Used to run intervals but since I have recently decided to work out for pleasure( which has improved my quality of life since I am always so morbidly thinking). I do long jogs of 5-11-12km depending on my mood and motivation.
What I am to be judged for:
- Not getting enough sleep- when i study gets down to 5-6h at best
- Not eating veggies- hate that more than anything. Feels so useless. I realise is a detail worth taking into consideration but in the past years I have eaten them and so far hasnt skared of the six pack. But if i must i could start the torture once more.
Take sups on a daily basis without taking it into consideration- just trying not to occupy my mind with those.
Nutrition( varies sometimes):
3eggs, protein snack, lunch consisting of meat+ slow carb, gym+protein shake, dinner similar to lunch, before bed a traditional bulgarian yoghurt( sour one) that has no added sugar and 40-50g of nuts.
Do a lot of saunas to stress my thyroid, drink a lot of tea( green,black and many other( tea freak)) take selenium, will be taking tyrosine, l carnitine with yohimbine since recently, preworkouts with a lot of energetics to remind me that i am not dead yet and its not time to decompose.
Please, stress me with your questiona if you are patient enough to read the whole tidious portion of honesty.