Quick background about me: I'm 27 5'7 and about 140lbs 18.4%bf. I recently started competing in powerlifting and am currently prepping for USAPL nationals in October and hope to qualify for IPF worlds in November. At the end of April my total was 727lbs decent but nothing to write home about. My end of the goal is to have a 800lb total still not great but somewhat respectable.
Now to my problem. I've always been insecure about my body esp my weight. For my April meet I cut 10lbs from 146 to 136 in 3.5 weeks to compete in the 63kg weight class. I got down to like 61.7kgs. My trainer wanted me to gain all 10lbs back but I couldn't bear the thought of being fat again so we agreed to around 142lbs. Over a month later and I'm still under 140. My lifts are starting to stall but I mentally just can't bear the thought of gaining any more weight. Seeing how beautiful I could be if I was skinny has made it hard to complete my minibulk.
So my question for everyone is how have you been able to balance the desire to have a sexy body with the need to be able to lift more weight to be competitive. And if you haven't found that balance how are you coping with 2 very different desires. Sorry for the long post and thanks in advance for any advice