T Nation

Strongest Guy on My Block

[quote]DJHT wrote:
Well hopefully some of my elder statesmen will read this.

Going through a rough time with my son, he turns 20 in May. When he was a junior in HS he decided since dad had rules he no longer had to come to my house. Divorced since he was 5. Got my kids 3 days a week every week until he was 17. Fast forward a couple of years, I helped him with college for two semesters. Only paid for books and tuition for two classes to get him accustumed to college. I went to college for 14 years so I know a little about the educational program. Year ago he got into the drug lifestyle and cost me 1000’s of dollars. I cut him off finacially and have not heard from him since.

His mom texts me today that on Monday he has a court appearance for possesion and could possibly see jail time. She is begging for help and asks not to give up on my son. I am torn and pissed off. I told her to fuck off and that if my son wanted my help then he should call me. This is just to get this off my chest, however any words of encouragement or to tell me I am a piece of shit is welcomed. I have paid child support since I caught my wife with another man and decided to leave. Just FYI I am far from some deadbeat dad. [/quote]

I feel your pain and could very well be in your situation in a few years. Right now I have to support my son.

If monetary help is all they want I would no, if your son wants your support and to reconnect give him that chance.

[quote]soldog wrote:

[quote]DJHT wrote:
Well hopefully some of my elder statesmen will read this.

Going through a rough time with my son, he turns 20 in May. When he was a junior in HS he decided since dad had rules he no longer had to come to my house. Divorced since he was 5. Got my kids 3 days a week every week until he was 17. Fast forward a couple of years, I helped him with college for two semesters. Only paid for books and tuition for two classes to get him accustumed to college. I went to college for 14 years so I know a little about the educational program. Year ago he got into the drug lifestyle and cost me 1000’s of dollars. I cut him off finacially and have not heard from him since.

His mom texts me today that on Monday he has a court appearance for possesion and could possibly see jail time. She is begging for help and asks not to give up on my son. I am torn and pissed off. I told her to fuck off and that if my son wanted my help then he should call me. This is just to get this off my chest, however any words of encouragement or to tell me I am a piece of shit is welcomed. I have paid child support since I caught my wife with another man and decided to leave. Just FYI I am far from some deadbeat dad. [/quote]

I feel your pain and could very well be in your situation in a few years. Right now I have to support my son.

If monetary help is all they want I would no, if your son wants your support and to reconnect give him that chance.[/quote]

I have given that option to my son other than monetary. I was a teenage father and put myself through school, so I know about adversity. However my son is not interested in that help and has avoided phone, text and emails. I appreciate the words as a divorced father my X took away my abilities as a father and enabled my son to continue his wrong path. All I have been doing is to continue to pray.

[quote]DJHT wrote:

[quote]soldog wrote:

[quote]DJHT wrote:
Well hopefully some of my elder statesmen will read this.

Going through a rough time with my son, he turns 20 in May. When he was a junior in HS he decided since dad had rules he no longer had to come to my house. Divorced since he was 5. Got my kids 3 days a week every week until he was 17. Fast forward a couple of years, I helped him with college for two semesters. Only paid for books and tuition for two classes to get him accustumed to college. I went to college for 14 years so I know a little about the educational program. Year ago he got into the drug lifestyle and cost me 1000’s of dollars. I cut him off finacially and have not heard from him since.

His mom texts me today that on Monday he has a court appearance for possesion and could possibly see jail time. She is begging for help and asks not to give up on my son. I am torn and pissed off. I told her to fuck off and that if my son wanted my help then he should call me. This is just to get this off my chest, however any words of encouragement or to tell me I am a piece of shit is welcomed. I have paid child support since I caught my wife with another man and decided to leave. Just FYI I am far from some deadbeat dad. [/quote]

I feel your pain and could very well be in your situation in a few years. Right now I have to support my son.

If monetary help is all they want I would no, if your son wants your support and to reconnect give him that chance.[/quote]

I have given that option to my son other than monetary. I was a teenage father and put myself through school, so I know about adversity. However my son is not interested in that help and has avoided phone, text and emails. I appreciate the words as a divorced father my X took away my abilities as a father and enabled my son to continue his wrong path. All I have been doing is to continue to pray.[/quote]

I am also a divoriced father but in my case my ex left and my son wants nothing to do with her. My son is also pushing the envelope and I’m into the tough love area. Tonight he wanted to stay at a freind’s place and needed a clean drug test. I have quick tests and he came up positive on THC and COC. Oh - but the test must be bad we didn’t let it cool down, can I take another when I can pee again. An hour later he leaves a sample to cool on the counter and a few minutes later I check it: colorless, odorless and not even room temp. You make the call…

I get a “Screw you” and later a text saying “I’ll just stay here tonight.” I have to report this to his probation officer because as the Eagles songs says he is on a “Highway to Hell” and he can check in but never check out. It’s getting to the point that he may be better off in detention for a year.

EDIT: sorry for the over sharing - the message is that you are not alone and sometimes tough love is needed.

I won’t even attempt to say I understand what this feels like. But I’m a dad too, and this crap is hurtful right to the core. Here’s a couple things I think.

  1. Your son has made it clear he can’t accept direction from you or his mom. Maybe he’ll take the cops seriously. First encarceration? Unless he’s got a lot of priors it should be brief. Maybe that will scare him enough to take it seriously.
  2. Tell him you love him, you’ll always love him, and that he’s the most important thing you’ve ever done. Then tell him he’s earned his way into this trouble and that this level of trouble isn’t something you can fix. There is nothing you can do to make this kind of trouble go away and that he’s going to have to take it. He bought this ticket, now he’s stuck with the ride.
  3. You cannot make people see reason. They have to come to that place on their own. Your son is not going to hear the message from you, no matter how hard you try.

Man, I wish I had some fantastic insight, but the crap above is all I got. I’ll just fire off a bunch of good karma. Best of luck, dude.

[quote]soldog wrote:

[quote]DJHT wrote:

[quote]soldog wrote:

[quote]DJHT wrote:
Well hopefully some of my elder statesmen will read this.

Going through a rough time with my son, he turns 20 in May. When he was a junior in HS he decided since dad had rules he no longer had to come to my house. Divorced since he was 5. Got my kids 3 days a week every week until he was 17. Fast forward a couple of years, I helped him with college for two semesters. Only paid for books and tuition for two classes to get him accustumed to college. I went to college for 14 years so I know a little about the educational program. Year ago he got into the drug lifestyle and cost me 1000’s of dollars. I cut him off finacially and have not heard from him since.

His mom texts me today that on Monday he has a court appearance for possesion and could possibly see jail time. She is begging for help and asks not to give up on my son. I am torn and pissed off. I told her to fuck off and that if my son wanted my help then he should call me. This is just to get this off my chest, however any words of encouragement or to tell me I am a piece of shit is welcomed. I have paid child support since I caught my wife with another man and decided to leave. Just FYI I am far from some deadbeat dad. [/quote]

I feel your pain and could very well be in your situation in a few years. Right now I have to support my son.

If monetary help is all they want I would no, if your son wants your support and to reconnect give him that chance.[/quote]

I have given that option to my son other than monetary. I was a teenage father and put myself through school, so I know about adversity. However my son is not interested in that help and has avoided phone, text and emails. I appreciate the words as a divorced father my X took away my abilities as a father and enabled my son to continue his wrong path. All I have been doing is to continue to pray.[/quote]

I am also a divoriced father but in my case my ex left and my son wants nothing to do with her. My son is also pushing the envelope and I’m into the tough love area. Tonight he wanted to stay at a freind’s place and needed a clean drug test. I have quick tests and he came up positive on THC and COC. Oh - but the test must be bad we didn’t let it cool down, can I take another when I can pee again. An hour later he leaves a sample to cool on the counter and a few minutes later I check it: colorless, odorless and not even room temp. You make the call…

I get a “Screw you” and later a text saying “I’ll just stay here tonight.” I have to report this to his probation officer because as the Eagles songs says he is on a “Highway to Hell” and he can check in but never check out. It’s getting to the point that he may be better off in detention for a year.

EDIT: sorry for the over sharing - the message is that you are not alone and sometimes tough love is needed.[/quote]

No man I really appreciate it, my wife and I have had the same problems with her middle child and her X. Blended families are always tough. We have done the tough love on both of these boys and have been there trying to show them the right way. One has pulled himself out of it and is now on the right path, however my son is not even close yet.

[quote]Canada_K wrote:
I won’t even attempt to say I understand what this feels like. But I’m a dad too, and this crap is hurtful right to the core. Here’s a couple things I think.

  1. Your son has made it clear he can’t accept direction from you or his mom. Maybe he’ll take the cops seriously. First encarceration? Unless he’s got a lot of priors it should be brief. Maybe that will scare him enough to take it seriously.
  2. Tell him you love him, you’ll always love him, and that he’s the most important thing you’ve ever done. Then tell him he’s earned his way into this trouble and that this level of trouble isn’t something you can fix. There is nothing you can do to make this kind of trouble go away and that he’s going to have to take it. He bought this ticket, now he’s stuck with the ride.
  3. You cannot make people see reason. They have to come to that place on their own. Your son is not going to hear the message from you, no matter how hard you try.

Man, I wish I had some fantastic insight, but the crap above is all I got. I’ll just fire off a bunch of good karma. Best of luck, dude.[/quote]

Thanks man, yes he knows I love him that is why he will not answer any calls etc. He has cut off any communication with my side of the family. Because we all tell him the same thing, we love you but you need to get your shit straight and stop doing drugs. He doesnt like to hear that its easier to stick you head under the covers and call us bad guys. He will grow up it just hurts to see what he is going through and I miss my kid.

DJ, I was locked up when I was 18, came from a broken home, yada yada yada… I had my head pretty far up my ass and I was very angry. Being young and going to jail/prison is NOT fun. With my bad attitude, I ended up getting into a LOT of fights, in and out of the hole (solitary) every other week, and getting stabbed several times. I was looking at ten years and didn’t give a shit.

It changed for me when an older inmate gave me his copy of, “We’re All Doing Time” by Bo Lozoff. Seriously, that book saved my life. It’s written for inmates specifically. It gives hope and a path to follow that helps remove head from ass. If you son does end up serving time, send him a copy.

http://www.humankindness.org/prisonashramproject.html

Good Luck.

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
DJ, I was locked up when I was 18, came from a broken home, yada yada yada… I had my head pretty far up my ass and I was very angry. Being young and going to jail/prison is NOT fun. With my bad attitude, I ended up getting into a LOT of fights, in and out of the hole (solitary) every other week, and getting stabbed several times. I was looking at ten years and didn’t give a shit.

It changed for me when an older inmate gave me his copy of, “We’re All Doing Time” by Bo Lozoff. Seriously, that book saved my life. It’s written for inmates specifically. It gives hope and a path to follow that helps remove head from ass. If you son does end up serving time, send him a copy.

http://www.humankindness.org/prisonashramproject.html

Good Luck.[/quote]

Thanks AC was kind of shocked to see you had visited my thread. Honestly man its a minor possession charge in BFE college station Texas. He will not see real jail time like you did, I would gladly send him this right now, but I really dont know how he would take that. I dont think he was holding felony amounts. My son has a good foundation, he was not deprived and had a childhood that millions would have loved to have.

Basically he is a spoiled ass brat that was frat boy partying and now he has to pay the price. I just want him to get the head out of his ass and grow up. Also I just want him to be my son again, its hard when I have hundreds of pictures of him hanging at home and work and he will not answer my calls.

Thanks again AC you are an inspiration due to the fact of your never die attitude.

DJ I hope all the best for you and yours, good luck brother

Not an elder statesmen, but had a sibling with a similar (not drugs just estranged) propensity to return to the nest when things were dire monetarily. They stopped offering money but offered council and the relationship has slowly gotten better. She needed to see them as something other than a bank for that to happen.

Other than offer to pay for a lawyer, which the state will provide, what else can you do for your son besides sitting in the courtroom? Are they looking for you to pull out a cape and save the day?

From what you said, you have tried. At some point he has to deal with the decisions he has made. Using drugs was his decision. Leaving your home was his decision. Quitting college was his decision. Court/jail will be HIS consequences.

Saturday Forgot to log hell day

12-11-10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1

Burpees (up downs from HS football)
Push Press 95#
Roman chair situps

So it was 12 reps on each then 11 and down to 1. Finished in 24 min not as bad as some of the other workouts. The push press was easy I did military most of the time. My damn abs are killing me today.

Monday Military

95 X 2 X 5
115 X 2 X 5
135 X 2 X 5

Working set

145 X 1 X 3
165 X 1 X 3
185 X 1 X 3+= 4

Miltary with Fat Gripz

115 X 5 X 10

supersetting with no rest

Lat DB raises

25 X 5 X 10

superseting with no rest

mini-band pull-aparts

5 X 10

[quote]USMCpoolee wrote:
DJ I hope all the best for you and yours, good luck brother[/quote]

Thanks man. Friday was a bad day, end of the week. Work has been out of this worlds busy. When the X texts this shit just made me want to drink heavy.

[quote]Tex Ag wrote:
Not an elder statesmen, but had a sibling with a similar (not drugs just estranged) propensity to return to the nest when things were dire monetarily. They stopped offering money but offered council and the relationship has slowly gotten better. She needed to see them as something other than a bank for that to happen.

Other than offer to pay for a lawyer, which the state will provide, what else can you do for your son besides sitting in the courtroom? Are they looking for you to pull out a cape and save the day?

From what you said, you have tried. At some point he has to deal with the decisions he has made. Using drugs was his decision. Leaving your home was his decision. Quitting college was his decision. Court/jail will be HIS consequences.

[/quote]

Thanks man, tough love is hard, but I did it with my brother also.

Yes my X expects me to break out the wad of cash and hire lawyer. To do whatever is necessary to save her little boy from the law. Even though she funded his habit in the first place.

and it keeps piling on. not sure how u and soldog keep trodding through all the BS. a couple guys call me mr consistent at the gym, but u guys show some true dedication through adversity. good luck man, keep pushing.

[quote]wasBr0k3n wrote:
and it keeps piling on. not sure how u and soldog keep trodding through all the BS. a couple guys call me mr consistent at the gym, but u guys show some true dedication through adversity. good luck man, keep pushing.[/quote]

Well I have faith in God and faith in my Wife. Those two carry me through all. Plus I am just a stubborn fucker that never gives up. I have another even bigger issue in my life that I have not shared on here, that when it is over I will.

Wed Deadlift Okay going to work my way back slowly into this.

Warm up Snatch DL

135 X 2 x 5
185 X 2 X 3
225 X 1 X 1

Working set

295 X 1 X 3
335 X 1 X 3
375 X 1 X 3+= 1 Okay got nervous and lacked the mental strength after being injured. Again no hurry here

Farmers walks

120 X 60 yards X 2

Suitcase walk

50lb Kettlebell X 60 X 2- 1 each hand

Mini-band pull-aparts

5 X 10

Forearms were fucking cooked after this.

Respect for still getting it done with so much shit going on.

I hope things get better for you soon.

Thanks Farmer, I know they will. I have been grinding it out for years. This has now become my 16 year old diary. :slight_smile: