T Nation

Strange Text from Old Man

A bird’s dilemma

Hi friends,

I know this is not SAMA, but I need some urgent advice/help.

So, anyway, as you know, Ive moved to a small country town and I have been living here happily for about a year. When I first moved to town I met a older man(about 60 I think) at the coffee shop. We used to have a friendly chat at the cafe in the mornings. New to town, he thought he would make me feel welcome and invited me over for dinner a few times.

The dinners were harmless… a bite to eat and a glass of red and a friendly chat. I didnt think we had much in common as he is a few years older than me, interested in the church and has very conservative views including been anti-gay. He often chatted about how he missed his ex-wife who died years ago of cancer. Im not religious, a free-thinker and accepting of all types.

Anyway, he had recently lost his mobile phone, so he popped in at work and told me… so I said I would message him my number.
The messages went like this:

bird: Hi J, this is bird and this is my number.
J: Hi bird. Are you bird that I met today?
bird: Yes. Thats me.

I though his message to me was strange, but i thought it might be an old persons joke or that he didnt know/understand phone txt messaging etiquette.

A few hours later he msged me:

J: are you free tonight? Cum over for dinner and spend the night here.

I thought that was strange but I had thought that he had mistaken me for another “bird” who was from out of town and needed a place to stay. I didnt reply as I was off to the gym.

After I returned back from the gym I checked my phone and had a missed call and message from J;

J: Sorry I missed you earlier today. Anyway Im just letting you know I cant get over the size of your cock, lets meet tomorrow.

So… what do I do? Do I tell him its not gay-bird, but the real bird? Do I just ignore the messages and pretend it never happened? There is no way I can avoid this guy, I live in a small town!!!

Cliff notes:

  • bird meets old man at cafe and became friends.
  • old man talks about religion, his deceased wife, and appears to be homophobic. bird and old man stay friends, and often bump into each other in mornings at cafe.
  • old man loses phone, so bird send a txt to old man so he can have bird’s number again
  • old man mistakes bird’s number for someone else and sends homosexual txt to bird.
  • bird not sure what to do in such an awkward situation. I have no problems with homosexuals, although situation is complicated as he appeared to be anti-gay and religious, and we live in a small town.

Please help!

tweet

Clarify which one you are (he probably knows already) and tell him you will not reciprocate his advances. You don’t know each other that well, he’s gay and he grew up in an environment that taught him to loathe himself, if you’re not a homosexual yourself then don’t let his built up insecurities be your burden. It’s a type of life he has to choose between sooner or later, but it’s not up to you to guide him through it.

Continue to be friendly with him, and be blunt with him about his instilled hypocrisies, but do not take it upon yourself to be his cheerleader. Just clarify you won’t be his lover, but you will remain his friend and keep his secret so long as he doesn’t put you in an uncomfortable situation you would rather not be in. Eventually he’ll decide which path he wants to head down, and then you can adjust the friendship based on how you feel about where he ends up and whether or not this friendship is a positive or negative environment for you.

There’s really nothing to do here. You received a text meant for someone else. Text him back, “hey, i think you meant for this to go to someone else” and leave it at that.

No need for you to avoid him, although if he is truly ashamed he may go out of his way to avoid you.

Or, he fancies you and was testing the waters because you give off a gay vibe.

[quote]Derek542 wrote:
[/quote]

LOL. love birds are awesome.

Thanks for the advice friends.

I returned a text message to him;
bird: Hi J. I think you have the wrong bird. Sorry I didnt msg earlier as I was at the gym. Let me know if your still free over the weekend for coffee.

note: He knows that my gf, ladyBird, is in town this weekend, so he must know Im not accepting/encouraging him with any sexual advances. Im just trying to send the message that im ok with it all.

Once again friends, thanks for the advice.

Bird. Word.

tweet

[quote]theBird wrote:
J: Sorry I missed you earlier today. Anyway Im just letting you know I cant get over the size of your cock
[/quote]

say he must mean someone else as you have a micro-penis

might help to spread the embarrassment

http://i.imgur.com/CucxU.jpg The owl, to the bird. If we are doing that kind of thing with bird jokes.

I say you go round to his and root him up the arse.

YOLO

EDIT: and then let him root you up the arse too, obvs

[quote]theBird wrote:
bird: Hi J, this is bird and this is my number.
J: Hi bird. Are you bird that I met today?
bird: Yes. Thats me.
tweet[/quote]

Why did you say you were the one he met today if you already knew him?

[quote]theBird wrote:

Cliff notes:

  • bird meets old man at cafe and became friends.
  • old man talks about religion, his deceased wife, and appears to be homophobic. bird and old man stay friends, and often bump into each other in mornings at cafe.
  • old man loses phone, so bird send a txt to old man so he can have bird’s number again
  • old man mistakes bird’s number for someone else and sends homosexual txt to bird.
  • bird not sure what to do in such an awkward situation. I have no problems with homosexuals, although situation is complicated as he appeared to be anti-gay and religious, and we live in a small town.

Please help!

tweet[/quote]

That’s quite the dilemma. The last thing you want to do as the new guy in a small town is make a huge social faux pas by handling this wrong, so I looked up the correct course of action to take in Debrett’s New Guide to Etiquette and Modern Manners by John Morgan for you and it says the only polite way you can save face now without offending him is for you to let him sodomise you.

It also goes on to say that you must endeavour to squeak “tweet tweet…tweet tweet” in time with his pelvic thrusting.

At the risk of sounding like a homophobe, i’d tell him to leave me the fuck alone.

^ homophobe

You’re going to have to tell him that showing him your cock was a one off thing.

[quote]Ulty wrote:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock,11150/[/quote]

First: this is hilarious.

Second: OP, I think the text may have been meant for somebody else. If you don’t have an issue with him being a homosexual I don’t see the harm in it. It’s like a friend sexting you instead of the girl he met at the bar last night, by mistake!

Next, if it was in fact intended for you, you should confirm that it is in fact him and you didn’t text the wrong number. Possible that he changed his number when he lost his phone. So I suggest you send a simple “Sorry, what’s your address again?” and see if it matches his.

[quote]theBird wrote:
Thanks for the advice friends.

I returned a text message to him;
bird: Hi J. I think you have the wrong bird. Sorry I didnt msg earlier as I was at the gym. Let me know if your still free over the weekend for coffee.

note: He knows that my gf, ladyBird, is in town this weekend, so he must know Im not accepting/encouraging him with any sexual advances. Im just trying to send the message that im ok with it all.

[/quote]

That was simple, yet elegant.

Could I convince you to end your posts every now and then with Bird.Word.?

While tweet annoys the fuck out of me I find Bird.Word. oddly intrigiguing.

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]theBird wrote:
Thanks for the advice friends.

I returned a text message to him;
bird: Hi J. I think you have the wrong bird. Sorry I didnt msg earlier as I was at the gym. Let me know if your still free over the weekend for coffee.

note: He knows that my gf, ladyBird, is in town this weekend, so he must know Im not accepting/encouraging him with any sexual advances. Im just trying to send the message that im ok with it all.

[/quote]

That was simple, yet elegant.

Could I convince you to end your posts every now and then with Bird.Word.?

While tweet annoys the fuck out of me I find Bird.Word. oddly intrigiguing. [/quote]