T Nation

Steroids and Marriage


#1

Is anyone here married and either 1) started steroids after being married for a while and had to let your wife in on the secret or 2) Let your wife know before hand what was about to occur?

I've started letting the terms drop now and again, mentioning who is on them and positives, etc, judging the reaction I get. Trying to figure when to "have the talk", or decide if that's even a good idea.

Any insights from married folks who love their family?


#2

Exactly what would you tell your wife that would make her support you ? Excessive steriod use has a ton of negatives . Unless you are making a living being muscular what could you possibly say that makes it a good idea to do ? After all call it what it is - illegal drug use


#3

if she isnt cool with you doing it… then you better steer clear…i had this come up with my Ex-wife…


#4

[quote]ty_ty13 wrote:
if she isnt cool with you doing it… then you better steer clear…i had this come up with my Ex-wife…[/quote]

Hopefully not too personal…did it have anything at all to do with the split?


#5

nah… she was a lying cheating bitch… nothing to do with it.


#6

[quote]ty_ty13 wrote:
nah… she was a lying cheating bitch… nothing to do with it.[/quote]

Okay got it…thanks man. Had another divorced guy tell me “no way don’t do it” recently…thought maybe there was some connection there.


#7

she wasnt happy about it… but i kicked her ass out of my place… and served her the papers… granted shes one of the most beautiful women ive ever seen… she was a bitch…


#8

[quote]Sir toddington wrote:
Exactly what would you tell your wife that would make her support you ? Excessive steriod use has a ton of negatives . Unless you are making a living being muscular what could you possibly say that makes it a good idea to do ? After all call it what it is - illegal drug use [/quote]

She’s been incredibly supportive and appreciative of my bodybuilding and powerlifting goals this far…I don’t see any reason to not continue to the next level when appropriate. Just trying to guage if she may see it as crossing the line, although she’s never had any real problems or lines in the sand when it comes to pot or any other “illegal but people do it without any horrible risk if done smartly” type substances.


#9

its legal in almost every other country and wasnt banned till bush administration… government politics at its best…


#10

[quote]ty_ty13 wrote:
its legal in almost every other country and wasnt banned till bush administration… government politics at its best…[/quote]

Right…this train of thought, and we’re all on board with that type thinking in our circle of people, including her family. Unfortunately, steroid users aren’t quite as “activist” shall we say, as the other drugs crowd who’ve pushed things the other way in their favor in recent days. Seems anabolics users are content to grin and bear it, underground, silently. Don’t see it changing anytime soon.


#11

I can’t pretend to know the intricacies of a marriage - as I’m far, far from being in such a relationship. (Sidenote, I don’t necessarily buy into the institution of marriage/monogamy so take this all in stride.)

But - I don’t think I can overstate how much of a lose/lose situation you’re in. Did your use start after your relationship formed? Before? I don’t think there’s any real obligation to sharing this kind of information until you start to approach that big “M” word. At that point - IMO it’s all about setting all the cards on the table and saying “Here I am.”

Now, I don’t know if it’s the best idea to bare all at this point, it seems like you kind of made your bed and now you have to sleep in it. If you did tell her, however, I’d keep an incredibly close eye on what you have lying around, your stock of items and everything related to it. Knowing women and the crazy that comes with them, there’s no way of telling what kind of sly maneuver she may be pulling behind your back if it significantly impacts her views of you and the marriage.


#12

[quote]ty_ty13 wrote:
its legal in almost every other country and wasnt banned till bush administration… government politics at its best…[/quote]

Yes , but it is illegal now in USA . class 3 scheduled drug on DEA list . Not same a pot . Review penalties for possession and distribution and see if you could stomach sitting in a cell IF by any chance you get busted . But aside from legal aspects , if you do get involved with using it - how would you be sure what you get is legit or even sanitary ? As far as a supportive wife - just ask her what her feelings are on use .


#13

[quote]SSC wrote:
I can’t pretend to know the intricacies of a marriage - as I’m far, far from being in such a relationship. (Sidenote, I don’t necessarily buy into the institution of marriage/monogamy so take this all in stride.)

But - I don’t think I can overstate how much of a lose/lose situation you’re in. Did your use start after your relationship formed? Before? I don’t think there’s any real obligation to sharing this kind of information until you start to approach that big “M” word. At that point - IMO it’s all about setting all the cards on the table and saying “Here I am.”

Now, I don’t know if it’s the best idea to bare all at this point, it seems like you kind of made your bed and now you have to sleep in it. If you did tell her, however, I’d keep an incredibly close eye on what you have lying around, your stock of items and everything related to it. Knowing women and the crazy that comes with them, there’s no way of telling what kind of sly maneuver she may be pulling behind your back if it significantly impacts her views of you and the marriage.[/quote]

All good points.

But no I haven’t started anything yet, probably will be up to a year before I do at any rate. Would like to build up my disposable income and have at least another year of training before I would start. I’m just trying to plan this out as well as possible, starting with my relationships. We’ve been married 8 years, have already been through a semi divorce early on, kinda had to put petty shit behind us and just grow together.


#14

Be clear with her about your intentions and see how she responds. Because it will be much harder to explain after the fact if you have any libido situations in the next 10 years whatsoever. “Oh yeah I have no idea why that died” “I’m not in the mood” doesn’t cut it with a girlfriend, let alone a wife for a month. She’ll either think something is wrong, or in the off chance your post cycling doesn’t work, you will have some explaining to do.


#15

[quote]Mennotinblack wrote:
Be clear with her about your intentions and see how she responds. Because it will be much harder to explain after the fact if you have any libido situations in the next 10 years whatsoever. “Oh yeah I have no idea why that died” “I’m not in the mood” doesn’t cut it with a girlfriend, let alone a wife for a month. She’ll either think something is wrong, or in the off chance your post cycling doesn’t work, you will have some explaining to do.[/quote]

That’s extremely helpful, I’ve thought of this before…definitely would be very hard to break the news at that point.


#16

I have yet to have “the conversation” but I have used when we dated so I have that time period to reference back to. “Did it then, remember? Buff, 2x sex drive?” I hope in her mind that the cherry’s been popped. Of course now I’d expect her (nurse) to need a post cycle blood draw for tests. If you haven’t you shouldn’t lie to you spouse but . . .


#17

[quote]Sir toddington wrote:
Exactly what would you tell your wife that would make her support you ? Excessive steriod use has a ton of negatives . Unless you are making a living being muscular what could you possibly say that makes it a good idea to do ? After all call it what it is - illegal drug use [/quote]

Really? I love the term “Excessive Steroid Use” being used in the same paragraph as “Illegal Drugs”. For that argument to hold any validity you have to drop the word “Excessive”; frequency and volume have nothing to do with it i.e. One low dose of “T” is fine but do it for three months at 700mg and there’s a problem?

Now for the word “Negative”, so if the positives can outweigh the negatives, you’re saying she should be good with that?

And lastly the “Making a living being muscular” statement. So if he can show a positive financial gain, assuming your rational is monetarily based, she should be good with that also.

To summarize this; No wife should have an issue if you use illegal drugs just on the weekends and can sell enough to support your habit.


#18

I say excessive because I use steroids as TRT LEGALLY - I say positive out weigh negatives because most do that as a way of justifying there actions . Making a living being muscular is a reason people do steroids ( look at all the movie stars who do it or pro sports players ) .


#19

On the note about TRT - One way that you may be able to test the waters, and get away with only a “little white lie” is to tell her you went to the doctor to get some blood work done - and they deemed that you had low testosterone. They’re putting you on TRT, which is TECHNICALLY steroids but kind of, not really. (Be vague and non-committal with the explanation.) And that you’re thinking about doing that.

Gauge her reaction from that, and move on from there?

Just spitballing here, though.


#20

everything is “black and white” to some people… those people i do not date anymore because they are closed minded and a “drone/sheep”, if you will.

i look at things with my own eyes and decide whether its right or wrong not based off what i am told is right or wrong.