T Nation

stay or go?

a while back I posted that a guy i was seeing needed time off, and now I am feeling the same way about him because he is always hurting me. He cares about me and I care about him I just don’t know if I can do this anymore, I don’t want to feel hurt anymore. I don’t want to tell him how i am really feeling because he will hate me. should i leave without saying anything or should i say something to him? i almost feel like saying something wouldn’t do any good, that he wouldn’t listen. i’d like some t-men response.

Ok, what the fuck. Sorry. But my ex did the same exact thing you did. I was hurting her apparently(unbeknownst to me) and if she would have just spoken up I would have definately seen what I was doing and corrected my mistakes sooner. So, try telling him what he’s doing wrong, we aren’t psychic.

You should talk to him and tell him how you feel. He should be mature enough to listen to you and not react like a 13 year old. If he does, to hell with him. He’s probbaly a waste of your time anyway, especially if he’s hurting you. And what do you mean by “hurting you”?

Couples could avoid a lot of headaches if they would learn to communicate better. I’m no expert Lia, but if you two do care about each other it should be no problem for you to sit down with him and tell him what’s going on.

This new concept that I spoke of, communication, it cuts out a lot of the drama bullshit that couples go through. Hope I helped.

If he hurts you, he doesn’t care, that’s pretty simple. If you’re thinking of leaving him anyway, why not tell him how feel? If he really does care, he’ll smarten up, if he doesn’t, he won’t.

Lia, why do you feel that your boyfriend (or whatever you call him) wouldn’t listen? I get the impression that no matter what happens, you will be unhappy with this guy since he is fundamentally flawed. You’ve given him a chance, and from my experience people don’t change readily.

My advice to you is to think about what you want to say to him, regardless of whether he’ll listen and comprehend it or not, then deliver it to him. You must be prepared to walk away from him without reservations before you do this. If he hates you forever–fine. You have no future with him as a mate anyway, and if you want to be his friend…well…I wish you the best of luck.

ok, you definitely definitely definitely have to tell him. if telling him that makes him hate you, he obviously doesnt care that much about you in the first place. it may hurt him and he may act mad for a while, but if he truly does care to be friends with you he will come around eventually. but…if you dont care to have him as a friend, you still need to just tell him so he could move on. not telling someone and just walking away is childish and leaves the other person stuck wondering what happened. just be a bigger person, suck it up, and tell him how it is. hope this helped.

Tell him how you feel. Never ever leave without airing the truth or he will hate you, and deservedly so.

If you leave without telling him why, he will just repeat the same mistakes on the next girl. If he wants to change he will – no amount of YOU wanting him to change will make it happen. I can recommend a few books that might help: “The Art of Understanding Your Mate” by Cecil Osbourne, “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman, and “If Only He Knew” by Gary Smalley. The first two would be for BOTH of you to read, the third would be HIS. It is important that you clear the air between you. I can almost GUARANTEE he will be initially angry. You may need to take some time apart while this blows over, but then get together again to see if he’s willing to work on it. If so, then BOTH of you will be working on the relationship. If he’s not willing, walk away. BTW, if “hurting” means anything physical, then all of the above does not apply and you need to get away ASAP, no explanation needed. Seek legal help if you feel it’s needed, heal yourself, and move on.

He’s an asshole if he’s hurting you and doesn’t know it he has got to be retarted. You shouldn’t have to tell him he should know. I wish I could kick his ass for being stupid.

He doesn’t hurt me physically, just to clear that up. But somehow he acts like he can’t do anything wrong and everything (which amounts to nothing) is really all my fault: he makes me out to be a bad guy for making little mistakes/ can’t put up with my flaws, and I especially have real big problems with this when I have done nothing but to go out of my way to try and make him happy.

hey Lia

I dont know ya but from what I can tell, he sounds like a manipulator, and you sound like you have no self esteem so heres the trick…
never confuse the false attractiveness of bravado and agression with real confidence, try to see thru weak manipulative men for that they are, get a grip on who you are and what you want in life, sometimes people are attractive to controllers so they have an unconsious exuse to not control themselves.

well i am basically decided upon leaving but not sure how to go about telling him.

Just forget it, get over it and find a real adult relationship.

This isn’t a marriage, so you just leave. Tell him what you’ve told us. If you think he could get physically violent, get some helpo prior to leaving (I’m assuming there is some belongings to move out or something along those lines). If this is just a date-type relationship, then there’s really nothing to do but tell him you don’t want to see each other any more, and move on.

Fuck him, then tell him you two are over. At least you got to fuck.

Come on Lia. Quit stalling. Tell the guy why you don’t want to continue the relationship and play his childish games any more and get on with your life.

i also am in a contract for my job until june and legally can’t break it until then andi was thinking of moving: and it would also make it awkward until then to say anything at the moment