Spanking Children

Off Topic
41

[quote]nephorm wrote:
dmanor wrote:
The father needs anger management, what could a child do to cause a man to be so angry that he himself has to take time out?

What, exactly, do you think “anger management” means? It means that you get angry… but you manage it. Otherwise, you’re talking about a lobotomy.[/quote]

The kid went in his room for 5-10 minutes, I would say that this is a time out of sorts. What the father could have said was “Listen, Daddy is really angry about what you did, go to your room and think about it and I’ll be there after I calm down.”

You don’t just dismiss your kid and expect them to be in tune after you get there and when you do, you wail on them??? So this kid will now learn that hey, I calm down then whack whatever upsets me, toys, T.V., other kids…

Young children are more intelligent than you give them credit for, they see you are upset, they’re processing it.

My examples may have been weak, my point is there are alternatives however most will chose the easiest, cripes I’m sounding like Dr. freakin’ Phil.

42

[quote]Shaved wrote:
They have absolutely no fear due to the fact that they know full well that the raised voices of their parents are nothing but an empty threat.

[/quote]

This says it all.

My neices do this to their mother, but wouldn’t dare do it to me for a couple of very good reasons.

  1. Consistency- They know that they will not get away with anything, ever. The punishment will be swift and there will be no exceptions.
    The contra to this is that when they do well they will be rewarded.

2.Punishment out of anger- This is a big no no in my book. The kids get the wrong message from this. If you spank the kid after he or she has done something wrong, fine, but if the kid gets let off on 4 things and only gets his ass cracked on the fifth because the parent has had enough and is pissed off enough to hit the kid, there is no discipline, and the kid learns to hide behavior, manipulate and hit out of anger.

Kids need to recieve consistent messages from both or the single parent, and the incentive to do good. This will help them to develope discipline.

43

[quote]BradTGIF wrote:
dmanor wrote:
BradTGIF wrote:
I don’t have any kids yet. But I’m at an age where most of my friends do.

One of them practices spanking with his kids, but he doesn’t focus on the physical aspect of it. The process is very deliberate, almost ceremonial if you could call it that.

The kids get two warnings, clear warnings where the repercussions of his actions are explained (you’re goona get a spanking). If he keeps it up he’s sent to his room to “wait for his dad.”

My buddy will never spank his kids when he’s angry. He’ll take 5-10 minutes to calm down and then head upstairs and punnish his kid. The spanking takes place with no-one else around, just the two of them, and then he explains to his son why he got spanked, and that he still loves him, etc.

I’ve only seen the process once, and he says he rarely ever has to do it.

I think that’s the right way to go about it.

This is totally fucked up, 5-10 minutes is too long to take action, it loses it’s meaning. Simply to give an alternative like “Your’re going to get a spanking” is weak. After the spanking the kid is in pain and is not listening to his “I still love you”

Think about it, I hit you because I love you is all this kid will come away with. As the child gets older, they will distance themselves and they will be looking for love without repercussions, this is why your daughters will find losers with false love and end up with wife beaters.

The father needs anger management, what could a child do to cause a man to be so angry that he himself has to take time out?

I guess this is where you and I disagree.

It’s not a “I hit you becuase I love you” thing, it’s a “I spanked you because your behavior was inappropriate and you need to be accountable for it” thing.

He’s taking 5-10 minutes to separate his emotion from the event, I don’t see a single thing wrong with that. Hell, I take a few minutes to calm down before I reprimand people who work for me, rather than be all boisterous and have them believe that I’m just a crazy fucker who shouts all the time.

If you reprimand calmly, focusing on the offence rather than your anger, the point will come across more clearly.

B.[/quote]

Exaclty, that’s the difference between children and adults, attention span. Your employees will expect a reprimand not physical harm. You are speaking to them on their level as adults.

44

[quote]Kayrob wrote:
human743 wrote:
BradTGIF wrote:
I don’t have any kids yet. But I’m at an age where most of my friends do.

One of them practices spanking with his kids, but he doesn’t focus on the physical aspect of it. The process is very deliberate, almost ceremonial if you could call it that.

The kids get two warnings, clear warnings where the repercussions of his actions are explained (you’re goona get a spanking). If he keeps it up he’s sent to his room to “wait for his dad.”

My buddy will never spank his kids when he’s angry. He’ll take 5-10 minutes to calm down and then head upstairs and punnish his kid. The spanking takes place with no-one else around, just the two of them, and then he explains to his son why he got spanked, and that he still loves him, etc.

I’ve only seen the process once, and he says he rarely ever has to do it.

I think that’s the right way to go about it.

That is almost identical to the way my dad did it.

My dad did this as well. Only happened a few times. It insured that I was never hit in anger. The added bonus of the punishment was the 20-30 mins sitting in my room waiting for the punishment. That was worse than the spanking.[/quote]

You really get to think about what exactly was wrong with what you did and why you are in trouble. It sticks with you.

45

I have 3 well behaved children,and work with parents and Children. You bet I spank!

Parents must remember to DISCIPLINE with calm purpose in mind. A swat gets the childs attention when they are too young to reason. It develops respect for authority. If you keep on it, you will spank less as they get older. They know you mean what you say and that you are in charge.

PUNISHMENT is a different story. Some parents lash out in anger to make their kids PAY for what they have done. . . um, that is not healthy. That is abuse.

The point of a spank is NOT to make YOU feel better, but to direct the child. It gets their attention in a way nothing else does.

46

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:

2.Punishment out of anger- This is a big no no in my book. The kids get the wrong message from this. If you spank the kid after he or she has done something wrong, fine, but if the kid gets let off on 4 things and only gets his ass cracked on the fifth because the parent has had enough and is pissed off enough to hit the kid, there is no discipline, and the kid learns to hide behavior, manipulate and hit out of anger.

Kids need to recieve consistent messages from both or the single parent, and the incentive to do good. This will help them to develope discipline.
[/quote]

Never thought of it that way.

47

I gotta say, Shaved stimulated a really good debate.

Props to you dude, I had nearly written you off after the “help me get outta this ticket” thread.

48

[quote]Rockscar wrote:
Mom does the spanking around here. 4 and a 7 year old can get out of hand sometimes.

I’ve only spanked once, and it really was not qualified as a spanking because:

A few hours later my daughter turns to me and says…

“Daddy, your spanks don’t hurt. Mommy does it harder.”

I could never physically HURT my kid.[/quote]

That made me laugh out loud. I know it is wrong, but I think it would be a little bit harder to spank a daughter than a son. It probably has to do with the social stigma of “don’t hit girls” combined with the fact that they look so sweet and innocent. Little boys on the other hand are bastards that need a good lashing. (joking)

To those who said I was young, yes I am 21. I have a lonnng time to go before I ever have to experience this.

49

[quote]BradTGIF wrote:
I gotta say, Shaved stimulated a really good debate.

Props to you dude, I had nearly written you off after the “help me get outta this ticket” thread.[/quote]

I still gotta pay that damn thing, thanks for reminding me :slight_smile:

50

[quote]caladin wrote:
sitting in a chair or standing in the corner would have provided me time to hang with my imaginery freinds or enertain myslef. Which I did on a regular basis not a punishment as it would seem it is today.[/quote]

lol

51

[quote]Sxio wrote:
My dogs are angels. You know why? Because I punish them when bad and praise them when good. Kids are the same. Positive and negative reinforcement. Negative reinforcement doesn’t have to be an action, but it’s easy to make it one. [/quote]

Absolutely spot on!

I’ve never hit any of the 5 step-kids I’ve raised. Quite simply I never had to. I earned their respect.

They’re not all angels either, I’ve bailed one out of gaol (he’s now in the navy) and there’s been lots of shit along the way. But not once was it necessary to hit 'em, not once!

Respect is a powerful thing when regarded highly and given honestly.

52

We are also Foster Parents, once we had a 16 year old girl placed with us. She was into smoking, piercing her own body, and dated a 25 year old guy. She basically was here for a place to stay. She was not very social with us, as she always wanted to be with her boyfriend, who was a complete loser. She was always on the internet, didn’t do her homework, didn’t help around the home and never cleaned her room.

We laid out the basic rules of the home, all we told her was that there will be consequences if the rules are not followed, just as there are for our kids. We treated her the same as our kids, no favourtism. She laughed us off, I smiled at her and said. “I’m not kidding”. After awhile she experienced the consequences, the boyfriend knew my stance on things.

She stopped piercing her body, she was not on the internet for long periods of time, she dressed more appropriately for school, smoked less and she dropped the boyfriend. She then went on a rebellion as she hung around the wrong crowd at school and became very disruptive, as you can imagine there is only so much you can do in a short period of time, we only had her for 6 weeks. We told her that she doesn’t have to be here if she is not happy , she is old enough to make decisions on her own.

She wanted to go to another home, she felt like we were too strict because she couldn’t be on the computer all day, on the phone all night and out late during school with her friends. Her worker placed her in another home, however when she thought about it she actually called after to ask if she could come back , it was too late we had another foster kid. She regretted leaving. We gave her attention, we listened to her and gave her advice on boys, life etc. just as we do with our kids.

Her “boyfriends” said we were not looking out for her and that they loved her, yet didn’t want to see her when she had her time of the month. We do see her now and then and the first thing she does is give us a hug, she had grown in 6 weeks.

I will repeat although I don’t agree with spanking, it’s like weightlifting, you do what works for you, for others the same method may not work, the results speak for themselves, there are alternatives, OK?

53

[quote]dmanor wrote:
We are also Foster Parents, once we had a 16 year old girl placed with us…[/quote]

That’s a nice story… I’m glad she learned something, but I’m not sure it has much to do with the thread though. :wink:

54

[quote]Ren wrote:
I got corporal punishment till I was 15. Gotta love private boarding schools and bamboo canes.[/quote]

Add school uniforms and you have whole countries that are blessed with a serious fetish…

55

[quote]dmanor wrote:
To the poster that said to knee the kid in the face, a 7 year old in the face? Or the 4 year old in the face? You can do more damage than a bloody nose so that is a poor choice.[/quote]

I was joking! Lighten up :slight_smile:

56

i used to get the snot beat out of me by my parents, grand parents, etc…

my brother was a “momma’s boy” and almost never got spanked…

guess who turned out better?

not my brother.

when i have children, i intend to spank them if need be…

I honestly hope my kids wont be as stupid as i was and dont require multiple “re-education sessions”.

while on the subject, i think they should bring back swats in school…

57

[quote]vroom wrote:
dmanor wrote:
We are also Foster Parents, once we had a 16 year old girl placed with us…

That’s a nice story… I’m glad she learned something, but I’m not sure it has much to do with the thread though. ;)[/quote]

Point is child rearing right? So you should apply the same principles you believe in with other children as well, Foster Parents who are more experienced than I am, will tell you that sometimes you have children placed in your home from various backgrounds, various upbringings, various abuses as well. So you find out quickly what works and what does not work with that child. Patience works.

58

[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
This says it all.

My neices do this to their mother, but wouldn’t dare do it to me for a couple of very good reasons.

  1. Consistency- They know that they will not get away with anything, ever. The punishment will be swift and there will be no exceptions.
    The contra to this is that when they do well they will be rewarded.

2.Punishment out of anger- This is a big no no in my book. The kids get the wrong message from this. If you spank the kid after he or she has done something wrong, fine, but if the kid gets let off on 4 things and only gets his ass cracked on the fifth because the parent has had enough and is pissed off enough to hit the kid, there is no discipline, and the kid learns to hide behavior, manipulate and hit out of anger.

Kids need to recieve consistent messages from both or the single parent, and the incentive to do good. This will help them to develope discipline.[/quote]

Great post, I think you hit the nail on the head.

59

[quote]Miserere wrote:
dmanor wrote:
To the poster that said to knee the kid in the face, a 7 year old in the face? Or the 4 year old in the face? You can do more damage than a bloody nose so that is a poor choice.

I was joking! Lighten up :-)[/quote]

OK, sorry sometimes it’s hard to tell… :slight_smile:

60

[quote]dmanor wrote:
OK, sorry sometimes it’s hard to tell… :)[/quote]

No worries, mate!