T Nation

Spanking Children

Like anything common sense must apply first.
If your idea of a spanking involves severe pain or extension cords(really) or anything like that, seek professional advice.

If by a spanking you mean a corrective whack on the backside. Fire away!

To me consistency is the key. Children need to know where thay stand, if you are erratic, inconsistent, and then try to use spanking, you are sowing the seeds of disaster.

I have 2 kids and I have to admit that I tried spanking. But it didnt work at all. Kids (at least most of them) dont misbehave without a reason. Usually they just want you to pay attention. And they don`t like to stay inside. My daughters really are a pain in the neck on a rainy day. So switch off your TV and play with them outside. But if you have to punish them: Sending them to their room and closing the door for a couple of minutes (no music or else allowed at that time) works best for my kids.

[quote]ThatGirl77 wrote:

You must be young if your girlfriend has a 7 yr old brother. When my youngest brother was 7 I was 18. [/quote]

You mean his girlfriend must be young.
His girlfriend is 18 but he is 47.

I don’t have any kids yet. But I’m at an age where most of my friends do.

One of them practices spanking with his kids, but he doesn’t focus on the physical aspect of it. The process is very deliberate, almost ceremonial if you could call it that.

The kids get two warnings, clear warnings where the repercussions of his actions are explained (you’re goona get a spanking). If he keeps it up he’s sent to his room to “wait for his dad.”

My buddy will never spank his kids when he’s angry. He’ll take 5-10 minutes to calm down and then head upstairs and punnish his kid. The spanking takes place with no-one else around, just the two of them, and then he explains to his son why he got spanked, and that he still loves him, etc.

I’ve only seen the process once, and he says he rarely ever has to do it.

I think that’s the right way to go about it.

My kids are now 15 and 16. We never had to spank them. I don’t believe in spanking, I believe in communication.

Try to understand that kids interpret things differently at different stages of growth, they do not understand why they got slapped at 2 years old, WTF can a 2 year old do that would require a spank?

This is always a hot topic so opinions will vary. I’m not saying my way is the best , just that I have found alternatives to physical discipline.

To the poster that said to knee the kid in the face, a 7 year old in the face? Or the 4 year old in the face? You can do more damage than a bloody nose so that is a poor choice.

I would have siad something to them, like “That wasn’t very nice and to think I was going to take you out for ice cream, but not now.” I bet the kids would have said “Aw come on!” Then you reply “Maybe next time if you behave.” Then leave with the girlfriend and mention as you leave “What flavour do you want…” There is always an alternative. This is just my opinion, acting like a child in response to a child action is not the answer.

If someone at work does something wrong, do you spank them?

I’ve never spanked my son, nor has my wife. We use timeouts, loss of things and loss of privileges. Dad voice and death glare still work, btw.

My assesment after 5 years is it doesn’t really matter if you swat them or give timeouts. The kids take it about the same way - very traumatically. A timeout is a huge ordeal. I think they just see any punisment as a huge thing they want desperately to avoid.

I give one warning then that it. It seems a second warning is pointless, if he’s going down the road to a timeout the 2nd warning won’t change things. As someone mentioned above, they feel the need to test your authority every once in a while.

My son is allways very respectfull to everyone outside the family. He can be very ornery to Mamma and Daddy, though.

Im pro spanking! When I was a child my father didnt mess around and I knew it. There where rules and If I didnt follow it I got the hand across the ass right after I got throttled by the arm or back of the neck to come near him. You know what spanking works.

I was afraid of my dad but I still loved him. I respected his discipline. Maybe I was a strange child but sitting in a chair or standing in the corner would have provided me time to hang with my imaginery freinds or enertain myslef. Which I did on a regular basis not a punishment as it would seem it is today.

[quote]Bauer97 wrote:
Just curious: What is the actual legal grounds for what’s permissable in terms of physically reprimanding your own child?

[/quote]

Its probably legal in PA, ya bunch of hicks. I bet you’re gonna ask if its legal to potty train them by rubbing their nose in their diapers when they just shit in there and not in the toilet.

You’d probably bulk them up, too, only to use them as a protein source in one of your shakes, too.

[quote]BradTGIF wrote:
I don’t have any kids yet. But I’m at an age where most of my friends do.

One of them practices spanking with his kids, but he doesn’t focus on the physical aspect of it. The process is very deliberate, almost ceremonial if you could call it that.

The kids get two warnings, clear warnings where the repercussions of his actions are explained (you’re goona get a spanking). If he keeps it up he’s sent to his room to “wait for his dad.”

My buddy will never spank his kids when he’s angry. He’ll take 5-10 minutes to calm down and then head upstairs and punnish his kid. The spanking takes place with no-one else around, just the two of them, and then he explains to his son why he got spanked, and that he still loves him, etc.

I’ve only seen the process once, and he says he rarely ever has to do it.

I think that’s the right way to go about it.[/quote]

This is totally fucked up, 5-10 minutes is too long to take action, it loses it’s meaning. Simply to give an alternative like “Your’re going to get a spanking” is weak. After the spanking the kid is in pain and is not listening to his “I still love you”

Think about it, I hit you because I love you is all this kid will come away with. As the child gets older, they will distance themselves and they will be looking for love without repercussions, this is why your daughters will find losers with false love and end up with wife beaters.

The father needs anger management, what could a child do to cause a man to be so angry that he himself has to take time out?

There are some kids that don’t ever need to be spanked to listen. If you were one or have one, don’t let that fool you. There are plenty out there that won’t respond to a time out if there is nothing else behind it. What if he doesn’t go into time out? Do you physically hold him down? Do you give him positive reinforcement every time he doesn’t run out in front of a dump truck?

Consistency is the key and if your child will listen without spanking, great. But some kids are hard headed and get themselves killed because they believe there is no ultimate consequence to their actions. There are consequences, but their parents can provide the consequences or the world will.

My wife doesn’t agree with spanking because she was the type of kid that just listens to her parents regardless and never really rebelled.
I caught one at four years old that made me reevaluate who was in command. I had maybe 5-6 more in my life. It was enough that I jumped when he said jump but I wasn’t getting beatdowns on a daily basis. Just every year or two if I really pushed it.
If I was about to step off a curb in front of a bus and my dad yelled stop, I stopped because I knew he didn’t play. He didn’t yell at me for fun, only when it was serious.
As I got a little smarter, I realized that he was keeping me from danger. If he said something, that was that, no negotiating or pleading. No second guessing.

[quote]BradTGIF wrote:
I don’t have any kids yet. But I’m at an age where most of my friends do.

One of them practices spanking with his kids, but he doesn’t focus on the physical aspect of it. The process is very deliberate, almost ceremonial if you could call it that.

The kids get two warnings, clear warnings where the repercussions of his actions are explained (you’re goona get a spanking). If he keeps it up he’s sent to his room to “wait for his dad.”

My buddy will never spank his kids when he’s angry. He’ll take 5-10 minutes to calm down and then head upstairs and punnish his kid. The spanking takes place with no-one else around, just the two of them, and then he explains to his son why he got spanked, and that he still loves him, etc.

I’ve only seen the process once, and he says he rarely ever has to do it.

I think that’s the right way to go about it.[/quote]

That is almost identical to the way my dad did it.

[quote]dmanor wrote:
The father needs anger management, what could a child do to cause a man to be so angry that he himself has to take time out?
[/quote]

What, exactly, do you think “anger management” means? It means that you get angry… but you manage it. Otherwise, you’re talking about a lobotomy.

I can count on one hand the number of times I was spanked. The only spanking I remember was when I lied to my parents. So you could say that I definitely learned my lesson, there.

When I was being a little brat, my Dad would say “get the belt” and I would instantly STFU. Spanking works, period.

Timeout gave me time to be alone and have no one bother me. That didn’t work so well.

It is funny. You can tell adults who were not properly disciplined as children. They still act like little brats and for the rest of their lives they are treated as such.

Spanking is immoral, puh-leeze. I’m tired of these pansies telling me how to rear a child. They are still crying about how their parents spanked them and their feelings are hurt and blah blah blah.

You want your child to have it hard in life, well then don’t discipline them.

I do, however, agree that some children don’t need to be spanked and are well behaved by nature. This is rare.

[quote]dmanor wrote:
My kids are now 15 and 16. We never had to spank them. I don’t believe in spanking, I believe in communication.

Try to understand that kids interpret things differently at different stages of growth, they do not understand why they got slapped at 2 years old, WTF can a 2 year old do that would require a spank?

This is always a hot topic so opinions will vary. I’m not saying my way is the best , just that I have found alternatives to physical discipline.

To the poster that said to knee the kid in the face, a 7 year old in the face? Or the 4 year old in the face? You can do more damage than a bloody nose so that is a poor choice.

I would have siad something to them, like “That wasn’t very nice and to think I was going to take you out for ice cream, but not now.” I bet the kids would have said “Aw come on!” Then you reply “Maybe next time if you behave.” Then leave with the girlfriend and mention as you leave “What flavour do you want…” There is always an alternative. This is just my opinion, acting like a child in response to a child action is not the answer.

If someone at work does something wrong, do you spank them?[/quote]

If you were legally and morally responsible for their safety and behavior and could not fire them and docking their pay, putting them in time out, and threatening no ice cream didn’t work, yes.

I got corporal punishment till I was 15. Gotta love private boarding schools and bamboo canes.

[quote]dmanor wrote:
BradTGIF wrote:
I don’t have any kids yet. But I’m at an age where most of my friends do.

One of them practices spanking with his kids, but he doesn’t focus on the physical aspect of it. The process is very deliberate, almost ceremonial if you could call it that.

The kids get two warnings, clear warnings where the repercussions of his actions are explained (you’re goona get a spanking). If he keeps it up he’s sent to his room to “wait for his dad.”

My buddy will never spank his kids when he’s angry. He’ll take 5-10 minutes to calm down and then head upstairs and punnish his kid. The spanking takes place with no-one else around, just the two of them, and then he explains to his son why he got spanked, and that he still loves him, etc.

I’ve only seen the process once, and he says he rarely ever has to do it.

I think that’s the right way to go about it.

This is totally fucked up, 5-10 minutes is too long to take action, it loses it’s meaning. Simply to give an alternative like “Your’re going to get a spanking” is weak. After the spanking the kid is in pain and is not listening to his “I still love you”

Think about it, I hit you because I love you is all this kid will come away with. As the child gets older, they will distance themselves and they will be looking for love without repercussions, this is why your daughters will find losers with false love and end up with wife beaters.

The father needs anger management, what could a child do to cause a man to be so angry that he himself has to take time out?

[/quote]

I guess this is where you and I disagree.

It’s not a “I hit you becuase I love you” thing, it’s a “I spanked you because your behavior was inappropriate and you need to be accountable for it” thing.

He’s taking 5-10 minutes to separate his emotion from the event, I don’t see a single thing wrong with that. Hell, I take a few minutes to calm down before I reprimand people who work for me, rather than be all boisterous and have them believe that I’m just a crazy fucker who shouts all the time.

If you reprimand calmly, focusing on the offence rather than your anger, the point will come across more clearly.

B.

Mom does the spanking around here. 4 and a 7 year old can get out of hand sometimes.

I’ve only spanked once, and it really was not qualified as a spanking because:

A few hours later my daughter turns to me and says…

“Daddy, your spanks don’t hurt. Mommy does it harder.”

I could never physically HURT my kid.

I do believe in spanking, but I don’t think it is necessary. Weather you spank your kids or not, once they figure out empty threats, you will have a brat on your hands.

Kids will test their parents, and the parents need to clamp down, and damn it they better do it early.

I was on a plane last week, and the flight attendant was yelling at a mother while we were taxing to the gate because the damn kid would not keep his seatbelt on and wanted to run in the isle while the plane was taxing.

You know what the mother said? “I can’t make him keep it on if he doesn’t want to”.
Un fucking believable.

The discipline needs to be there, be real, and be followed through with weather its physical or not.

[quote]human743 wrote:
BradTGIF wrote:
I don’t have any kids yet. But I’m at an age where most of my friends do.

One of them practices spanking with his kids, but he doesn’t focus on the physical aspect of it. The process is very deliberate, almost ceremonial if you could call it that.

The kids get two warnings, clear warnings where the repercussions of his actions are explained (you’re goona get a spanking). If he keeps it up he’s sent to his room to “wait for his dad.”

My buddy will never spank his kids when he’s angry. He’ll take 5-10 minutes to calm down and then head upstairs and punnish his kid. The spanking takes place with no-one else around, just the two of them, and then he explains to his son why he got spanked, and that he still loves him, etc.

I’ve only seen the process once, and he says he rarely ever has to do it.

I think that’s the right way to go about it.

That is almost identical to the way my dad did it.[/quote]

My dad did this as well. Only happened a few times. It insured that I was never hit in anger. The added bonus of the punishment was the 20-30 mins sitting in my room waiting for the punishment. That was worse than the spanking.