I don’t have any kids yet. But I’m at an age where most of my friends do.
One of them practices spanking with his kids, but he doesn’t focus on the physical aspect of it. The process is very deliberate, almost ceremonial if you could call it that.
The kids get two warnings, clear warnings where the repercussions of his actions are explained (you’re goona get a spanking). If he keeps it up he’s sent to his room to “wait for his dad.”
My buddy will never spank his kids when he’s angry. He’ll take 5-10 minutes to calm down and then head upstairs and punnish his kid. The spanking takes place with no-one else around, just the two of them, and then he explains to his son why he got spanked, and that he still loves him, etc.
I’ve only seen the process once, and he says he rarely ever has to do it.
I think that’s the right way to go about it.
This is totally fucked up, 5-10 minutes is too long to take action, it loses it’s meaning. Simply to give an alternative like “Your’re going to get a spanking” is weak. After the spanking the kid is in pain and is not listening to his “I still love you”
Think about it, I hit you because I love you is all this kid will come away with. As the child gets older, they will distance themselves and they will be looking for love without repercussions, this is why your daughters will find losers with false love and end up with wife beaters.
The father needs anger management, what could a child do to cause a man to be so angry that he himself has to take time out?
I guess this is where you and I disagree.
It’s not a “I hit you becuase I love you” thing, it’s a “I spanked you because your behavior was inappropriate and you need to be accountable for it” thing.
He’s taking 5-10 minutes to separate his emotion from the event, I don’t see a single thing wrong with that. Hell, I take a few minutes to calm down before I reprimand people who work for me, rather than be all boisterous and have them believe that I’m just a crazy fucker who shouts all the time.
If you reprimand calmly, focusing on the offence rather than your anger, the point will come across more clearly.