I am usually against physical discipline, but I saw something today that made me think twice.
I spent the day with my girlfriend and her two younger brothers (one 4, the other 7) and I was on the verge of killing the little shits.
The parents try their hardest to punish them such as sitting them in a corner, or taking away toys until they act accordingly, but nothing works. They scream and sprint around the house getting into everything in sight.
Every now and then they will take a break from this and decide to run up and punch me in the crotch. What’s worse than all of that is the fact that they are openly rude to most anyone they come into contact with. They have absolutely no fear due to the fact that they know full well that the raised voices of their parents are nothing but an empty threat.
I am of the opinion that the best technique would be to give my child one good spanking in his lifetime. After that spanking I will give him a death glare that he will know is connected to the day of pain. I would assume that any time he does something terrible after that all I would have to do is give him the deathglare and he will stop immediately.
Having no children of my own, I am a complete idiot when it comes to these matters. I was just curious how any parents on here handle those situations.
[quote]Shaved wrote:
I am of the opinion that the best technique would be to give my child one good spanking in his lifetime. After that spanking I will give him a death glare that he will know is connected to the day of pain. I would assume that any time he does something terrible after that all I would have to do is give him the deathglare and he will stop immediately. [/quote]
You are a wiser man than you know. What you do is combine the death glare with what I call the “Dad Voice”. The kids know that fun is fun, but when the Dad Voice comes out, it’s time to stop acting like tards.
And yes, this kind of discipline came from whopping an ass once or twice. Not all the time. I would worry that my kids were stupid if I had to smack them all the time to make my point clear.
My midgets understand how to respect adults and know their boundaries in their behavior. All it takes is consistency, because they will test you sometimes to make sure that they know what’s right and wrong.
Here is a list titled “How To Raise A Brat!” that you may find interesting. (I should warn everyone that it is from a Baptist pastor, so if ideas based on the bible bother you, do not click this link.)
NEVER SPANK THEM. When the senior citizens today speak of spanking as being “the way we used to do it,” remember, grandma and grandpa were “child abusers.” Don’t ever discipline your child. Wait till they’re in trouble, and let the penal system (prisons and jails) discipline them. Listen to Dr. Spock (who never raised a child in his life) and the other child psychologists, not the old timers who raised 5 or 10 children successfully!
Throw out the Bible and its admonitions like: “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (early in life)” Proverbs 13:24. “The rod AND reproof (teaching that exposes wrong) give wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame,” Proverbs 29:15. You can only develop a true brat if you won’t properly discipline them.
My dogs are angels. You know why? Because I punish them when bad and praise them when good. Kids are the same. Positive and negative reinforcement. Negative reinforcement doesn’t have to be an action, but it’s easy to make it one.
[quote]Sxio wrote:
My dogs are angels. You know why? Because I punish them when bad and praise them when good. Kids are the same. Positive and negative reinforcement. Negative reinforcement doesn’t have to be an action, but it’s easy to make it one. [/quote]
Actually, Koehler’s methods of dog training contain many principles that carry over into child training.
Mine get a warning. If they don’t straighten up, they either get time out or a whack on the butt. It does depend on the severity of the situation.
That said, even for the parent who does not spank, consistency is key. If Johnny thinks all you’ll do is tell him to knock it off but you never follow through with the consequence (time out, take away video games, no tv shows, etc) then Johnny’s gonna keep screwing around! If you want results, you have to be consistent.
If they’re running around the house like maniacs and basically laughing at their parents “discipline” then clearly something is not working.
You must be young if your girlfriend has a 7 yr old brother. When my youngest brother was 7 I was 18. There is little you can do at this point. I’ll tell you this much, though, my bothers acted very much like those boys and my husband (we married when I was 19) didn’t make any friends w/ them. Its hard to when they’re such colossal brats.
[quote]ThatGirl77 wrote:
Bauer97 wrote:
Just curious: What is the actual legal grounds for what’s permissable in terms of physically reprimanding your own child?
It varies by state. I believe the state of TX (where I live) allows parents to spank thier children. Heck, it must - SCHOOLS are allowed to spank.[/quote]
I bet TX is one of the only states left that doesn’t consider it abuse.
[quote]Bauer97 wrote:
Just curious: What is the actual legal grounds for what’s permissable in terms of physically reprimanding your own child?[/quote]
Part of the issue is the fact that this question even needs to be asked. There is not a fine line between child abuse and spanking, and parents should not be afraid of being arrested for setting their children straight. If the law doesn’t allow parents to do so, then the law will have to take care of these little brats when they become older delincuents.
I got spanked a few times in my life, both at home and school. No traumas here, I can assure you.
To the OP, next time you get punched in the crotch, have the normal reaction of jerking your knee up. Just make sure you hit the brat in the face. Sure, the parents may be upset, and you should act like you are too, but those kids will not go near your crotch again. Yep, a bloody nose will do that.
In fact, they’ll probably be so calm afterwards, that your GFs parent’s might want to hire you as a babysitter.
[quote]Miserere wrote:
Bauer97 wrote:
Just curious: What is the actual legal grounds for what’s permissable in terms of physically reprimanding your own child?
Part of the issue is the fact that this question even needs to be asked. There is not a fine line between child abuse and spanking, and parents should not be afraid of being arrested for setting their children straight. If the law doesn’t allow parents to do so, then the law will have to take care of these little brats when they become older delincuents.
[/quote]
Arrest wouldn’t be so bad, the problem comes if they take custody of your kids and stick them in a foster home where they might really get abused.
Just the other day they released a survey over here in Australia where 70% approved of spanking! It caused a bit of a stir because there’s no way that 70% of the population can be right if their view is not politically correct, LOL!
I’m not a parent yet, but I do believe in spanking when required, sometimes the kids probably need a bit of a shock to get them to stop doing what they shoudn’t be doing. You just need to remember that you are something like 10 times bigger than them and need to be very careful about how hard you spank, especially if you are into weight lifting like all of us here on T-Nation are - when you are stronger than the general population you have to be even more careful.
[quote]Mr. Chen wrote:
ThatGirl77 wrote:
Bauer97 wrote:
Just curious: What is the actual legal grounds for what’s permissable in terms of physically reprimanding your own child?
It varies by state. I believe the state of TX (where I live) allows parents to spank thier children. Heck, it must - SCHOOLS are allowed to spank.
I bet TX is one of the only states left that doesn’t consider it abuse.[/quote]
You can spank in NH.
With 4 children ( 3 of them boys) sometimes I spank but not often. The important thing is to be consistent. I am a strict mom but I also reward positive behavior. I make sure my children know I love them and am proud of them.
[quote]Mr. Chen wrote:
ThatGirl77 wrote:
Bauer97 wrote:
Just curious: What is the actual legal grounds for what’s permissable in terms of physically reprimanding your own child?
It varies by state. I believe the state of TX (where I live) allows parents to spank thier children. Heck, it must - SCHOOLS are allowed to spank.
I bet TX is one of the only states left that doesn’t consider it abuse.[/quote]
Currently, as far as I can tell–my wife is a teacher–only the principal is supposed to do any physical punishment in TX. And depending on who that is, it doesn’t happen too often because they don’t want to deal with the angry parents who seem to take it as a personal attack on the family.
This is a more recent trend because there were still teachers using paddles when I was in junior high at the end of the 80s. And though I never had any paddling in highschool, I know it still happened for at least a little while into the 90s. Seems like maybe in the mid to late 90s they started to really hold back and use detentions and various alternative schooling methods in place of physical punishments.
I dont have any kids yet, and I only got a few face smacks from my parents for being particularly bad (usually it was more of a verbal assault that worked much better than spanking), I did get plenty of ‘licks’ in elementary and junior high school. I think its a great way to keep kids in line, even though there’ll always be a handful of kids that it simply won’t work on who’ll always be getting in trouble. Pain is a good deterrent.
In my opinion, spanking is a desperate quick fix. I feel the spanking is a result more of frustration on the part of the parents rather than the behavior itself. I see kids getting scolded for what could be interpreted as minor infractions - taking something off a supermarket shelf or whatever. There is no blueprint actions that deem spanking appropriate. I think if you have to continually spank your children, then there might be deeper issues to be addressed with the children, perhaps professionally. But then you can say, well I have to continually yell at my kids and it doesn’t work…there are ways to solve problems without resorting to physical actions. I also believe that once a parent uses physcial actions to solve a problem, this type of problem solving habit (and I think it is more of a habit after awhile) becomes harder to break - it also sends a message to the child.
When most people think spanking they just think of a minor physical swat. However, there are assholes out there that intend to cause a lot of pain as a so-called lesson.
This will sound funny, but I look to the animal kingdom for advice in this. If a mother cat has kittens, and they get out of hand, she’ll “cuff” 'em. It isn’t a pain inducing cuff. The claws don’t come out. But it’s a physical reminder of primacy.
It works. It’s natural. However, it isn’t meant to cause any damage or pain, it isn’t supposed to be abusive.
For those that hate cats, it’s similar with dogs.
I’m concerned that some of the younger generations think everything they do is important and that they are the center of the world. Having never been disciplined, having their every need met and never having had to face any of the realities in life, they wander around without any clue concerning appropriate respect for others.
However, it’s all really down to the undefinables too. I was always pretty good as a kid, and I remember being swatted all of once, when I was being a selfish little bastard and told my mother I hated her. Apparently, the years of raising me deserved a bit more appreciation…
I have a 5 year old boy. I started physically disciplining him when he became old enough to understand what I was telling him, which was around the age of 2. I adhere to a 3 strikes rule. This way, he has two chances to listen and do the right thing. The first time, I ask him to do something. The second time, I tell him. The third, he gets cracked in the butt. After I smack him, I always take the time to explain why his butt hurts now.
Now that he’s 5, I barely ever have to spank him any more. He knows by the sound of my voice (the “Dad voice”) after strike 2 what will happen if he doesn’t listen. 90% of the time it doesn’t even have to go that far. Other parents always come up to me in restaurants and compliment me for how well behaved he is, especially when we’re out with one of his less well behaved cousins. I’m afraid that he’s a different kid when I’m not around though (I only have him on the weekends), because I know his mother doesn’t punish him any more.
[quote]vroom wrote:
I think there is a real dichotomy in spanking.
When most people think spanking they just think of a minor physical swat. However, there are assholes out there that intend to cause a lot of pain as a so-called lesson.
This will sound funny, but I look to the animal kingdom for advice in this. If a mother cat has kittens, and they get out of hand, she’ll “cuff” 'em. It isn’t a pain inducing cuff. The claws don’t come out. But it’s a physical reminder of primacy.
It works. It’s natural. However, it isn’t meant to cause any damage or pain, it isn’t supposed to be abusive.
For those that hate cats, it’s similar with dogs.
I’m concerned that some of the younger generations think everything they do is important and that they are the center of the world. Having never been disciplined, having their every need met and never having had to face any of the realities in life, they wander around without any clue concerning appropriate respect for others.
However, it’s all really down to the undefinables too. I was always pretty good as a kid, and I remember being swatted all of once, when I was being a selfish little bastard and told my mother I hated her. Apparently, the years of raising me deserved a bit more appreciation… ;)[/quote]
I agree.
A parent should not be out of control when spanking. I have only hit my kids on the butt. It has been a few years since I spanked one of my children. Grounding and losing their computers works just fine.
