T Nation

Some French Jokes for T-Nation


#1

Ok am really bored so just thought I share some French jokes with T-Nation.

How many gears does a French tank have?
Five, four in reverse and one forward (in case of attack from behind).

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
The army.

Why are there so many tree-lined boulevards in France?
Germans like to march in the shade.

Then why are the French chopping down the trees now?
The Arabs like to march in the sun.

What is the most useful thing in the French Army?
A rearview mirror, so they can see the war.

Why does Nike like the French Army?
Because, in war time, they are the biggest buyers of running shoes.

How did the Germans conquer France so quickly?
They marched in backwards and the French thought they were leaving.


#2

What are the two most commen words used in the french language
I surrender.

My Grandfather had a ton of these jokes.


#3

Here some more

Why is good to be french?
You can surender at the begining of the war, and US will win it for you.

What is the first thing the French Army teaches at basic training?
How to surrender in at least 10 languages.

And the train ride story:

The only seat available on the train was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged French woman and the seat was being used by her dog.

The weary traveler asked, “Ma’am, please move your dog. I need that seat.” The French woman looked down her nose at the American, sniffed and said, You Americans. Your are such a rude class of people. Can’t you see my little FiFi is using that seat?"

The American walked away, determined to find a place to rest, but after another trip down to the end of the train, found himself again facing the woman with the dog. Again he asked, “Please, lady. May I sit there?”. I’m very tired."

The French woman wrinkled her nose and snorted “You Americans! Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant…Imagine!”

The American didn’t say anything else, he leaned over, picked up the dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat. The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her honor and chastise the American.

An English man sitting across the aisle spoke up indignantly “You know,sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, Sir, you’ve thrown the wrong bitch out the window.”


#4

Parkour: I find it fitting that the French invented the martial art of running away.

“Shut The Fuck Up you cheese-eating surrender monkey!” Not really a joke.

Why is some perfume/cologne called toilet water? Cause the French still smell like shit.

Ask a Frenchman if he enjoys all of the freedoms and joys his country has to offer. Then ask him is it true that the French helped create most culture and civilities. Then ask him why he couldn’t send a fucking thank you note to your WW2 vet grandfather.

Each time I’ve been to Paris I haven’t found one French person that didn’t delight showing me every bad stereotype about their country.


#5

[quote]GhorigTheBeefy wrote:
Parkour: I find it fitting that the French invented the martial art of running away.

“Shut The Fuck Up you cheese-eating surrender monkey!” Not really a joke.

Why is some perfume/cologne called toilet water? Cause the French still smell like shit.

Ask a Frenchman if he enjoys all of the freedoms and joys his country has to offer. Then ask him is it true that the French helped create most culture and civilities. Then ask him why he couldn’t send a fucking thank you note to your WW2 vet grandfather.

Each time I’ve been to Paris I haven’t found one French person that didn’t delight showing me every bad stereotype about their country.[/quote]

Dude that perfume joke was good