T Nation

Social/Familial Obstacles

#1

This is more of a rant than anything else. I'm gettng frustrated day in and day out by my family and friends. My parents keep telling me that I'm too big (which i dont agree with 24y/o 5'9 205lbs). They obviously dont dictate my life because I'm an adult but wheneverthe topic of exercise, weight lifting, or nutrition comes up they look at me like I'm crazy and "overdoing it".

Then come my friends who like to go to happy hour during the week and all quit lifting because they do not want to get "too big" and when anyone one of them decides that they are getting too fat and decide to start lifting they go for a couple of days and amazingly disapear when leg day comes up and then they say they dont have time to lift anymore. My best friend trains MMA and constantly states that lifting is gay and that I should start training to fight.

To compound the issue the girl i am currently talking to occasionaly likes to say "dont you think you big enough?" Sorry for the long rant but again I am frustrated that no one close to me supports me or at least not give me a hard time about something I am passionate about. No one around me shares my enthusiam and all the comments about not wanting to get big or "big enough" makes me question the sanity of the people close to me.

#2

It’s simple: other people DO NOT UNDERSTAND. Fuck em and ignore em. Do what you want to do. At the end of the day, its not what other people want you to do. Its what you want to do.

#3

TOXIC!

Ha, it just sounds like you’re caught in a toxic environment, bud. If it’s really what you want to do, you need to follow the opinions you know matter to your ultimate goals. Your girl’s opinion may mean a lot to you, but if she’s holding you back, feeding you bad energy instead of flatiron steaks, then you know that’s something you can’t get from her. I’m sure you’re doing this for yourself and not for her, so make sure you stay true to yourself. If it’s too much for her, there’s a good chance it’s not going to work out.

Just being a part of this site usually indicates you know the basics better than any normal person, so keep doing what you’re doing.

#4

Yeah it definately is a toxic situation. My pair of grandparents who are still alive even told me last week that my size definately didnt come their genetics lol. I plan on never stopping lifting. My best friend constantly tells me i shouldnt want to get big because when im 50 its all going to turn to fat blah blah blah.

Im not going to stop and the people in my life dont discourage me because i do it for myself and myself alone and i truly feel that it has made me an overall better person (e.g. more goal oriented, more active). It is just frustrating that the only support i get is from the big guys in the gym and people on this site instead of the people who should, your family and friends.

#5

Man, it’s an incredibly small population. Be grateful you know anyone. I have a handful of friends I actually talk to on that ‘serious level’ and though I wish I had more, I know how rare they are. Keep that in mind.

#6

I am there with you Phishfood. I am by no means big by any sense of the word, 5’8 at 184 pounds. But alot of people I know including family keep warning my about getting too big. My wife supports me and thats important.
But I guess weightlifting/bodybuilding is a solo game in and out of the gym.

#7

This usually stops when you have the size as well a good level of leanness. Most of the comments happen when people think you are looking too “bulky”. Just something to think about.

#8

Sounds like you need to:

a) have a serious discussion with your parents and make it known that lifting is an important part of your life and that it is going to stay that way. Tell them that if they don’t have anything constructive to say to you about it, they should just keep their opinions to themselves because you find their attitude towards your lifestyle insulting.

My mother used to say the same thing, but I found that simply being blunt and honest (but still respectful - they ARE your parents) about it got the message across pretty clear.

Be sure to mention that you feel it is enriching your life outside of the gym (making you more goal-oriented, more active, and what have you).

b) worry more about your training consistency than your friends’. Out of curiosity, does your buddy actually compete, or is he one of those MMA guys who are always ‘training’, yet never actually set foot in a ring? Do you think you can kick his ass? If so, try it to put him in his place.

c) give your girlfriend the speech from part a. If she still gives you shit, consider finding a new ho. While you can’t choose your parents, you CAN pick your significant other, and there are too many fish in the sea for you to waste your time with a nagging slag who doesn’t support your goals.

Also, try hitting her and/or sticking it in her pooper.

#9

[quote]phishfood1128 wrote:
This is more of a rant than anything else. I’m gettng frustrated day in and day out by my family and friends. My parents keep telling me that I’m too big (which i dont agree with 24y/o 5’9 205lbs). They obviously dont dictate my life because I’m an adult but wheneverthe topic of exercise, weight lifting, or nutrition comes up they look at me like I’m crazy and “overdoing it”.

Then come my friends who like to go to happy hour during the week and all quit lifting because they do not want to get “too big” and when anyone one of them decides that they are getting too fat and decide to start lifting they go for a couple of days and amazingly disapear when leg day comes up and then they say they dont have time to lift anymore. My best friend trains MMA and constantly states that lifting is gay and that I should start training to fight.

To compound the issue the girl i am currently talking to occasionaly likes to say “dont you think you big enough?” Sorry for the long rant but again I am frustrated that no one close to me supports me or at least not give me a hard time about something I am passionate about. No one around me shares my enthusiam and all the comments about not wanting to get big or “big enough” makes me question the sanity of the people close to me. [/quote]

Hopefully you can take comfort knowing you are not the only one. I’ve been big for about the last six years and got the same reactions you did and it never lets up. I read about other bodybuilders and lifters who are surrounded by supportive environments and wish I had the same. At least you are not married. Having a wife that unsupportive is the worst.

Of course, it is some small comfort that strangers will compliment me and guys in the gym will ask for advice, but it can’t make up for the lack of support among those closest to me. My advice to you is to stick with it, stay involved in forums like this where you have some modicum of support, and do your best to educate those around you about the value of lifestyle you’ve chosen for yourself.

#10

just get bigger to piss them off

#11

Same here. And I am absolutely NOT big (5’10, 194lbs).

I think it really comes down to muscle groups like delts, traps, back and legs. Most casual people working out only work their arms and chest, and aren’t familiar with the look of equally developed delts, traps, back and legs. Those muscle groups makes your physique look so much more powerful and bigger when developed equally with your chest and arms.

That’s my thought anyway. The “I am training for a lean and athletic look, not grossly big and bulky like you” guys are hilarious. I try to tell them, wtf is the point of working out if you don’t even look like you lift when wearing a large t-shirt? Then I see them the next day at the gym curling the 15lbs dumbbells while talking to their friends.

#12

[quote]waylanderxx wrote:
This usually stops when you have the size as well a good level of leanness. Most of the comments happen when people think you are looking too “bulky”. Just something to think about.[/quote]

Yeah, I agree it’s something to think about. I think you should be getting compliments from at least one person in your life. What’s your waist size?

If your goal is pl only, then screw 'em.

#13

Thanks for the support guys it actually does mean a lot.

@papa nick - thats awesome that your wife supports waht you do i can only hope ill get someone who does as well.

@anonym - my buddy actually has his first fight in two weeks. i never tell him that MMA is gay or he should come lift and it would be nice to get the same understanding back. Everyone knows i take lifting seriously but it still doesnt help with the comments. The best is when my friends tell me im wasting my time by not going to happy hour everday and getting housed. I think eventually with more years under my belt eventually they will stop once they realize how serious i am. Plus stickin it in my girls pooper in no longer a viable option for punishment…she’s greek.

@Waylander - yeah i still am what you would call bulky for a stranger. But when i started lifting it was to lose weight (stopped playing sports and became a fatass at 240lbs) but i got bit by the bug and i lost all the weight just by lifting heavy and consistently. So i got shit from everyone cause i was fat and now i get shit cause i have muscles. I definately could lose some body fat but i have no plans on cutting.

@davidcox - yeah this site, especially this forum and the people, really help motivate me and keep my mind focused and reinforces my belief that i should get as big and strong as possible.

@belligerent - thats the plan. I wanted to lose weight by lifitng at first but that ended after the first month once i was seeing solid gains. I feed off of people telling me i cant do things.

@toolshed - yeah i definately dont understand the “i dont want to get big” thing either except for people that fight and are resticted to weight classes. Its amazing what the human body is capable of and yet people still dont appreciate it.

@horatio - My waist size is 34. I should probably be down to 32 but i could care less about losing fat. I truly believe that as i build muscle i will burn the fat off (super slow rate but i have time and patience)