A good friend of my called me lastnight, we had a long conversation and decided to be friends with benefits. This is a girl I have dated before (we made better friends), and it didnt work out, but we’re still good friends. My only problem is I’m kind of shy, I guess a little insecure too. Shes not, at all (she is a very sexual, fun person). She wants me to make the first move and I’m ok with that, but I’m not really sure what to do. Calling her up and saying “hey, come over so we can fuck” isn’t going to work. But I don’t want to set up some kind of elaborate date thing, because were just friends, and its for fun. My question is how should I go about initiating this? I feel stupid asking this question, but I need some help here, I’m shy and I hate it. But I’m working on changing that. I specifically asked Karma for advice, because I’ve read her posts before and though I dont know her personally, she seems alot like my friend. I also know there are alot of other intelligent people with good advice here too. So anyone who can help please do…thank you in advance.
You’re right in the sense that Karma is perfect for this thread…haha. She definetely says it like it is. My personal opinion though suggests that there isnt much to do on your part my man. Your friend has already stated that all you need to do is initiate it…so there is no need to be shy about. I agree with you in the sense that calling her and saying, “hey, wanna come over and fuck,” would be a little awkward, especially if that isnt your personality. But, you could always be less blunt and just say, “hey wanna come over and watch a movie?” She’ll get the picture. If she is as straight forward and outgoing as you say she is…more than likely things will just happen. Know what I mean?
Invite her over to watch a movie, or something. Do stuff that friends do. “Hey, wanna hang out?” is good. Or just show up at her door with some chocolate syrup and a porno.
It always seems weird to me when chicks have conversations with guys in which they ask them to be the aggressor… doesn’t that sort of remove the whole aggressive component? Anywho…
Hey, that’s great. My friend wants to be … friends. Bummer. I guess it just kind of comes down to what you guys are after, and what the limits are (if any) not just sexually, but relationship-wise. Generally, when one of you is horny, you call up the other one and ask them what they’re doing. Then ask them to come over. You both know what the point of the visit is, so there’s no need to be blatant. “I’m horny. Are you busy right now?” One word of warning; I have rarely seen these types of relationships working out. One of the two parties wound up getting to emotionally involved. Sex sometimes does that. Good luck!
Hang out with her like you regularly do, then fuck her, plain and simple.
How about, “hey, come over for dinner, and then a fuck”? Seriously, she is getting something out of the deal and so are you. Bottom line, I think she gave you the go ahead to be blunt and you should oblige!
I got $20 on us seeing a post in a month or two about how one developed feelings for the other and the other just got screwed over.
Bro- you need to relax! You guys already agreed to be friends with benefits- the battle is won! How about asking her something like " Wanna come over and hang out tonight?" or " hey lets watch a movie at my place tonight?" EZ as that. By the way im from CT too where are you at?
I predict this will not end well.
I suggest alcohol or a clown outfit, or both. Nothing says “be my fuck buddy” like a drunk, horny clown.
What’s the point of a “friend with benefits” if you can’t just call her up when you need some love? Isn’t that pretty much the definition of one?
“Why can’t we have this, that, and the other?”
I miss Seinfeld.
My spidey-sense is tingling. Use a condom, candyman, no matter what she says about being on the pill/shot/patch/‘rhythm method…’
I’m with Paul, Derek and Ike on this, and especially Quantumbutterfly. And I predict that YOU are the one who becomes emotionally involved. ANd if you do, DON’T do as Nephorm suggested and just show up – she’s likely to be screwing some one else at the time. Definitely do as Quantumbutterfly suggested and wear a condom. Not only because she may be looking to get preggers (maybe unconsciously) to trap you (rare, but it does happen), but if this is a “friends with benefits” relationship, I can guarantee you she’s doing similar things with other guys. Remember, her sexual history can easily become YOUR sexual history.
Dang, man! Just when someone actually directs a question at me (and thank you BTW) everyone else gets to it first with pretty damn much what I would have said anyway.
Nephorm: I hear you on the thing about chicks asking guys to initiate…just doesn’t make sense.
Ike, dcb, quantumbutterfly, brider: Yup. Agreed.
Candyman: You’ve already gotten the best “advice” about the HOW of getting the agreed upon deal activated, but I have a curiosity as to how you guys reached this deal to begin with considering you are such a shy, reticent person. Care to share?
Ever heard of the cleveland steamer?? Chicks love it.
yeah, the thing about showing up with choc syrup and a porno was a joke.
Unless that’s some new suave technique I’ve been overlooking…
First off, this is not a dumb question, a lot of guys don’t know anything about women and never seek help. You need to realize that women are different from men and different rules apply.
Anyway, a few things off the top of my head… Use a condom. Remember that you’re still just friends and not dating so don’t start acting like a boyfriend or smothering her (which you shouldn’t do even if you were her boyfriend, but a lot of guys do anyway). If you want to see her then ask her like you always did, as friends, I like to say “Hey, I’m going to eat, movie, bar, why don’t you come along.”
Oh, continue to see other people, just because you scored, no pun intended, with the friends w/benefits doesn’t mean that you can’t continue to date. And if you dating other people comes up in a conversation, then tell her about it, most likely, it’ll make her want you even more.
If you have other questions, then ask. And use a condom.
Thanks for all the responses guys, you’ve made me realize I just have to pull my balls out and use them (dick too). Im just gonna call her up and tell her to come over, like you guys suggested, and maybe then break out the chocolate syrup ect I’ll definately be using condoms too.
Gabe, I live in Enfield right now, how about you?
Karma, our relatinship is kind of odd. I dont know of too many guys that will hang out with attractive girls on a regular basis, just because they’re friends. The guy usually wants something else i.e. sex. We’re not really like that, maybe because we’ve already dated before. She is very attractive, and I’m attracted to her, but I can leave it at that if I need to. Thats what ive been doing. Untill she called. I could tell something was up because she was abnormally quiet on the phone, she said she was thinking alot. We started talking about bullshit then she started asking little questions here and there, about our past relationship, why I’m single now, why im not a player ect. I could tell where it was going. So I was just honest with her, told her I was still attracted to her and if it was something she wanted to do, I’b be cool with it. I think she wants me to initiate it because I am shy, and I think she wants to see if I’ll really go through with it and be cool. Which I will. I was actually surprised she wanted to do this, and asked her why. Her response was that Im a somewhat quiet person, polite, and attractive. She thinks that somewhere under that is another person who is more spontainious and lively (which I think is true also, just gotta bring it out) I’m one of those guys that will go out, be on the quiet side, chill in the background, dont need to be the center of attention, but my presence is still known. All of my friends come running to me when they get into trouble. Actually that sucks because I get that “nice guy” label alot, and that gets you no where. However in the bedroom, if I was relaxed and comfortable, im a freak-she is too.
Eat more pussy!
Hey!, I’ve seen this movie before!let me tell you how it ends…
Pain. Suffering. Anger. Bitterness. Remorse. Jealousy. Rage. Envy. Resentment. Fury. Anguish. Misery. Torment. Sorrow.
The pall of smoke cast from the smoking wreckage and twisted remnants of your once healthy emotions will leave an Olfactory stain on this forum.
But getting there is fun.
“A casual stroll through the lunatic asylum shows that faith does not prove anything”
~ Friedrich Nietzsche