T Nation

So... I'm Wooing a Lady. How will this Work?

I guess I’m asking for advice. Specifically, this is INTERNET courtship. I have zero experience with this.

In a bar, things are easier. But I can’t drink anymore…

Okay, so I play this game called Final Fantasy 14. It’s online. I have lots of friends there. Even celebrated my birthday at the guild house. I got screenshots… I’ve been playing with this girl for about a year now. Yeah, we know how we look like and I’ve voice-chatted with her before, about four times.

This is the situation… She’s out of my league (Or I’m out of her league, I don’t know how that saying goes. Basically she’s too good for me.). 25 years old, endocrine scientist, really pretty, thin but has boobs. Of course for all I know she can be a whore sleeping with a bunch of hot dudes and just not telling me, but she insists she’s just “not that type of girl” and that she just couldn’t care less about romance. She told me she hadn’t dated any dude in over 7 years.

Literally just this very night, about two hours ago, we chatted in discord for a bit (text, not voice). Here’s a summary of how our conversation went.

Me: (Confessed that I like her.)

Her: Yeah, you told me before.

Me: Oh damn, my memory’s terrible. Well anyway… I like you. I’m not gonna ask you to be my girlfriend. But I want you to let me try wooing you. It’ll be my own little adventure.

Her: (Talked about how it would be a waste of time because she’s just not a thirsty kind of gal. She also thought that the idea of being seduced by a man that she KNOWS is trying to seduce her was funny.)

Me: (Told her that’s even better because she’d be an even rarer gem!)

Her: Well, it’s not like I don’t want to but… I’ve seen everything. I get messages from men all the time on social media…

Me: Hmmm…

Me: (I pretty much told her that I still wanna try and that I just need more time to get to know her. And then…)

Me: Give me your phone number. I won’t call you. I’ll text.

Her: Really? We talk all the time on discord, and even voice chat. What’s the point?

Me: It’s an abstract, symbolic first-kiss.

Her: LMAO!!!

Her: Bee, trust me, you have a better shot at succeeding if we keep this in discord. All I use my phone is for work. Your messages will get drowned by my colleagues’ research notes. And I only talk to my cousins through discord.

Me: Fine… Anyway, good night.

Her: Good night!


My question is… Am I getting anywhere? She clearly stated it may just be a waste of time.

I don’t know. I’ve never tried getting laid through the internet. I’m no player, but the few times I’ve gotten laid it’s from some party or from the night life… And honestly, they’re all probably just slutty girls.

This one is something else.

Thanks everyone.

The answer is always no if you never ask or don’t try. Hard to say without knowing her personality, but if she has social media start there. I am no Fabio but I do alright with women for a slightly chubby red beard balding dude but I give it to my gift of Gab & confidence is key.

Be yourself and see how it unfolds… remember girls love to laugh and have a good time. Never force anything and be polite. Let things be natural and remember to be good humored you’ll do fine. Don’t be a guy who finds out her interests then becomes a wolf in sheep skin. She sounds like a smart lady, will see through it and probably leave the situation all together.

Best of luck.

1 Like

Don’t know 'bout kids these days and how they do it with all these disco chords and crypto-titties.


You’re not familiar with the so-called PickUp? There are many techniques of online crush, how to be an alpha man and others. Of course, it’s a game. The goal of the PickUp is to seduce a girl without any external resources. That would help you in the game. Sign up on such a forum and you will be given detailed advice on how to play online. And there are a lot of articles on the subject. And it is to provoke interest in the woman with your sexuality that you radiate the way you behave and speak, your behavior in general and other qualities.
And for that particular woman, I can’t say, some of them are good actresses.

I’m so glad I was born when I was.


So, I’m not sure where you missed him asking several times, but he did, and she seems to be letting him down nicely.

I don’t think she’s flat out refusing to give him her phone number a couple times for no reason. I also think, given her hesitation to give her number, that she is placing a divide between the game and her real life, so going after her social media accounts might be not well received. OP, you can keep trying if you like, but repeatedly telling her you like her (and using the word wooing) may not work that well. Best of luck though.


Really? You seem like you should’ve been born earlier



When I got the the part of OP’s post where you flat out told her he was going to try to “woo” her is where I was like “ya dun fucked up” … I can’t think of a better way to get a girl to put up her defenses than by telling her you: like her, are going to woo her, etc etc … that’s about as romantic as asking her if you can do her taxes.

My advice: back the fuck off. De-escalate your interactions with her and move on. She ain’t interested no matter how nice she treats you…Give it some space then maybe start to subtly flirt with her again. But, from one online stranger to another, I’d move on from trying to “woo” this online stranger…


Yeah, lol. I needed to hear this.

It sucks.

Yea man … I get it - online interactions are tough but I’d go back to just enjoying the game and the people who play it with you as they are … for the time being, don’t try to escalate much past that, at least in any large leaps (that’s kind of what you tried to do with this girl)

Good luck

1 Like

I probably should have been born earlier, but I like the whole no polio thing, which is why I’m glad I was born in the 80s.


Fair point

1 Like

If she read this, what do you think she’d make of you as a person?

And to be clear, I’m not referring to asking about advice, on- or offline. But rather, the way that you write about her and — for that matter — other women.

You manage to elevate this person on some form of pedestal, while simultaneously using the term “whore” — in the hypothetical — when talking about a person to a bunch of strangers. This is not the hallmarks of a dateable individual.

Furthermore, and this might be a language-barrier type of thing, but having to actively “woo” someone seems as if there is some level of dishonesty going on. If you are attracted to someone, and for some reason that makes you want to be better than yourself hoping that’ll be enough to spark mutual interest, then go be a better you. But, asking someone for permission to woo them reads to me as asking them “would it be worth it if I put some effort into fooling you into liking me, do you see that as having any potential at all?”

Please leave this person alone, @polo77j gave great advice there, but for the one part I didn’t agree with, emphasis and strike-out added by me.


Additionally, she is probably playing FF14 because a) she’s a fucking nerd (which is fine, me too) and b) it’s escapism from what sounds like a possibly stressful job. In this case, I think your only path is through the dreaded friendzone… The last thing you want is for your screenname to pop up as online and her go, “God damn it, here we go (deep breath)…”

Cliff notes; be friendly, make her laugh, go from there, AND explore other options.


Something doesn’t add up here and I don’t see it ending well

These are some pretty big signs of non-interest in my opinion.

Obviously not looking for a hook up

If you’re just interested in this woman to get laid, then just stop. It will never work out that way. If she’s looking to get laid, its obvious that she could have with the many guys messaging her.

Your goal is fucked up. She will see right thru you.

Most likely, she is not who she purports to be and further contact would ruin the fantasy. “She” could be a dude. Or ugly. Or not educated like she claims. Or married.

The advice to de-escalate is correct. In fact, tell her you are de-escalating and put her squarely in the friend zone – like start asking her about how to find a woman. I’ve done this a couple of times and ended up hooking up with my friend about 1/3 of the times.

1 Like

1 Like



This answer isn’t possible: “h” has already been used in “oh”.