Today I was smoking pot in my car on a trail attached to the upscale gated community where my parent's house is... I was sitting there spliffed out of my fuck, jacking off with the seat tiltedback when out of nowhere the neighborhood security gaurd (a female) just came up on me and started knocking on my window. She asked me what I was doing, and I told her that I was just out there listening to some Mariah Carey. She ended up letting me go, but she got my name (I was so retarded that I actually told her my name) and my licence number, and I think she is going to report me to the homeowner's committee. There is also a good chance that my mom could find out about this. I must prevent it AT ALL COSTS!!!! What should I do???
Probably pick a better place to get spliffed and jack off for starters. Other than that, blame it on a friend and say he framed you.
Somebody has a case of the mondays.
Jacking off while smoking herb lowers testosterone levels by 58.539% according to recent research. Listening to Mariah Carry further decreases testosterone levels by an additional 38.874%.
Better find something else to do on Mondays.
You're 16 years old, your mom knows you jack off, and she knows you're retarded. Just tell her you were smoking a cheap cigar.
Office Space rules.
Hahahaha... I thought mine was pretty shitty, but I'm kinda feeling better about it now.
Wow... find a better place to smoke, and learn to take your smoke without becoming a horny fucktard.
BITCH I AIN'T NO FEMALE.
That was the funniest thing I read all day. Keep up the good work.
I had the second best Monday ever. The Eagles are 0-2 and the Redskins are 2-0. Thanks for asking.
Man makes poor decision after smoking weed? Impossible!
You're a Doper. There's no hope for you, according to Darwinism.
brilliant! thanks for sharing
A gated community with a home-owners commitee! You are going to be the perverted pot head that everybody looks at with disgust!
All of the fluffy dog walking ladies are going to cross the street to get away from you.
Your parents will be shamed into moving.
Look on the bright side though.
yea our D is looking solid and we can move the ball with only 2 of our O-linemen from last year
See now if Push told this story, meesus would be in the back and the security guard would have been there to offer assistance....if you know what I mean.
"This is officer Farva, do you need assistance?" Over
Exactly. It would have turned into a great story...and another notch on Push's belt.
I laughed when I saw the thread "So How the Hell Was Your Monday?" was started by belligerent.
God damn it! I just bought an ouce of weed and the shit ain't even good! I just wasted $120 on some stony ass schwag weed. So now tonight I got nothing to smoke and a fat ass to beat!