T Nation

Sick of Everything


#1

I dont even know why I'm posting. I know what I need to do deep down. I just want to vent.

My life sucks right now. I'm working for my dad and am miserable just about every day. I feel like I am missing all motivation to do the right thing. I wake up late. Today I woke up at 7:00 when I would like to be waking up at 4. I havn't seriously lifted since school last April. Shortly after I got out, I went to work and havn't really gotten back into the groove of making progress since.

Because I keep fucking up my dad is constantly on my ass. Every minuite of every day. Especially lately. I have moved back in with him since I quit my old job. Back into my old room, just like I am a little kid again. Im 18, and more than anything I want people to take me seriously, I feel like all these adults that I see on a daily basis treat me like shit. Give me directions/instructions two or three imes over before they shut the fuck up.

When my dad is around his new girlfring (PROLLY BIGGEST REASON I WANT TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE) he talks down to me. I mentioned to him the other day what he thought about me taking a job somehwere in town (fire dept or something so I would still have time to work for him) he didnt seem to into the idea. I think he wants me to stay but goddammit. I dont talk like a fucking child, you dont have to tell me shit over and over ten times before i understand. I listen the first time. I feel undercut.

And on top of taht, EVERYONE AROUND ME IS DOING EXACTLY WHAT THEY WANT! family is always off in town fucking around, im left here to watch over the business, it doesnt really bother me taht i dont get to go....but all the time they are doing what they want, I amd WORKING and not LIFTING. It seems like i have no time left. I am always running around like a jackass figuring things out. Nobody takes me seriously dad treats me like a kid.

Im trying to make myself grow up. have bad self esteem problems, physically unfit, small, skinny, angry, cant do nothing about it but just keep working. I walk into any place where there are other ppl. Immediatly feel inferiour to everybody in the room. But i fake it when I talk to them. Shake big mens hands, talk loud, so they know who i am. Still doesnt make me FEEl any better deep down. even though they know.

Godammit this isnt makeing any sence but I dont care. Fuck it. Im going to wake up tomorrow to work and hopefully lift weights tomorrow after work even though it will do not a damn bit of good. Fuck spelling errors. Goodnight.


#2

Sounds like you need to take charge of your shit.

Get a new job. Move out. Start working out.

It won't be easy.

A quote from a rant in Alpha's 2nd log rings true for your case:
"What you receive in this world is directly correlated to what you put in, and if you are not where you want to be in your training, life, job, or relationships; grow a pair, take some responsibility and MAKE A CHANGE. Those who are not willing to do something about their situation automatically forfeit the right to bitch about it. "


#3

Goddammit thats right. Im going on my 16th our of this workday today. I am just about to step back outside so I can finish up my last chore for the day. I dont give a fuck anymore long work weeks be damned Im lifting weights even if it means I dont get to sleep anymore. fuck it.


#4

What's with all the crybaby suicide cases posting here lately?


#5

Your the only one who used the work suicide here dude. I am FAR from suicidal. Never have been, never will be. While Im on my soapbox. Can SOMEBODY here please explain to me where all these young men ages 16-30 get all their self confidence?? I know many personally who cant even preform a brake job on a pickup, change a tire, even LAY a GODDAM GARDENING BRICK! MUCH LESS BE IN CHARGE OF A 100k DOLLAR PIECE OF FARMING EQUIPMENT. Or be solely responsible for the life and wellbeing of livestock. (harder job than you think) GodDAMMIT GODDAMMIT!

And I dont even have the balls to talk to an UGLY girl. You wanna know why? because even though I know I am more capable than many. I am still not perfect and it wrecks my mentality. Thus, I can do nothing I am happy with. Self confidence in the shitter. They get what they want, party, laid, think they can pick up the world and spin it on their dicks. Just listen to them talk. they are cocky, arrogant. And even though I know I probably couldnt spin the world in my dick either, I know I can get a lot closer than lotta guys my age walking down the street ever could.

Whith the acception of the occasional driven, determined individual.Maybe Im not better than most. even at that....I went to work with a kid today who bitched because he loaded furniture for an hour. Really dude? Really....sad....sad sad sad. Publicly, I am the least arrogant person you will probably ever meet. never open my mouth to say a word about what I do. Unless it is to answer the question. "Hey, what have you been up to lately?" answer always is "work, thats about it". nothing more.

All Im saying is, I am just a leeeetle bit perplexed when i see these super cocky kids talk and walk and fuck around when I know they would never have a chance in hell of standing on their own two feet if both their parets kicked them out that night.


#6

WHERE DOES ALL THAT SELF ESTEEM COME FROM! I WANT TO KNOW!!!


#7

if it makes you feel better, i took a week of leave last week to go 'be a kid' and party hard on spring break with a few other guys who have the same personality as me. we crushed some weights in the gym, then we headed to the gulf coast where we spent a week in a 4bdrm condo on the beach where we were the biggest guys there by far and did nothing but drink and party with girls who wore too much makeup and too little clothing

feel better man.


#8

Damn dude everything that you are saying is ASS BACKWARDS. I wouldn't even know where to begin with this post. Hopefully someone comes in and gives you some solid direction, because you need it, BAD.

And HolyMac, your tales of crushing ass are not helping anyone out hah


#9

Balls.

Plus a confidence in the knowledge I have worked for and attained, confidence in my strength, and confidence in my will thats been tested and not broken.

But mostly Balls.


#10

Seriously though, who shit in your cheerios?


#11

Join the military


#12

Move out, get a job flipping burgers to pay for rent, figure out life from there.

You need to get away from the negative things in life.


#13

You have choices. You have the FREEDOM to make a choice. Exercise that freedom.


#14

Agreed. Self-relection only gets you so far. At some point you have to accept that not a single person out there is responsible for your situation but you. Family, friends, strangers and enemies can throw all sorts of obstacles in your path... but it's down to you how you handle them.


#15

I worked for my father's business for about 5 years, my older brother is co-owner as well - so I can sort of relate to what you're going through. (I still work for them on the odd occasion, if they're short on staff etc.)

Only recently have I stopped working for the business full-time and started to do something for myself - looking back there was good times & there was also many bad times, very bad. For many years I thought of ways that I could escape and do something different, but I always ended up back with the business - it was like a curse.

I only have myself to blame, but I have no regrets - the experience and lessons that I have learnt over the years are invaluable - it shaped me into who I am. This took some time to realise...

I could go into great detail and write a lengthy post and write quotes and slogans and all that bs (as helpful as they can be) but it seems that you're looking for an answer that cannot be given over an internet forum - this is something imo that you need to work out for yourself. And this takes time, after all then the next obstacle comes and the wheel continues....

Never hold yourself back from what you really want to achieve in life - Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.

You don't have to have it accomplished this red hot minute. Instead let the journey of moving to a new track, be an interesting, learning creative experience.

The point, change the way you see life, and life will change.

Change your location/job/or anything without changing the way you see it, it will pretty much stay the same.
You are on a journey right now to change your track. Okay you may not be taking a lot of action. But you are planning it, you are researching it, you are thinking about what you wanting to do. You are asking here. The journey has started.


#16
  1. Read Kroc's article from yesterday

  2. Find a new job regardless of what any says

  3. Get the fuck out of dodge ASAP

Now if you live in a shit hole like I do and finding a job will take some time then for the time being you need to talk to your dad. Tell him how you feel about how he talks to you. As for the other adults, if you understand what they want done simply say ok and get to it.


#17

Repeat step #1 OP, JTF is right, great article.


#18

http://www.T-Nation.com/free_online_article/most_recent/the_confidence_switch


#19

Join the Military and apply for a position over seas.


#20

When I was 19 I moved back home after failing at my first career. I fought with my mom like crazy because it felt like she was still trying to raise me and I felt like the job was done. I also just got braces. So, 19, braces, unemployed failure living in my parents basement.

What I did was work my ass off, went back to school and got a good job so I wouldn't have to depend on anyone. Now I can do what I want... you'll gain confidence.

YOU'LL GAIN CONFIDENCE GODDAMNIT