T Nation

Sick of Co-Workers

Are there situations where it would be justifiable to kill a co-worker? I just need something I claim as a defense for the next few hours of my shift.

Where do you work?

Also, smack them silly

I’m not asking where you work specifically, but what kind of place is it exactly, and what kind of stupidity are your co-workers engaging in?

Just argue constantly. Its a graphics company.

Are there any states where its legal to sew their mouths shut?

no, that would be assault.

Cultivate a habit of simply staring directly at them, the offending party, eye to eye, when they start rambling, with a slightly maniacal look on your face. Make them break eye contact and after a few days of this they will stay away from you and yet can’t complain you did anything to them.

Thats some good advice from lawson.

Sewing lips shut wouldnt be legal anywhere in the US, but it probably would be acceptable somewhere like Mongolia. Put in a transfer request.

If they argue with you, whip out a 1.5L bottle of water and chug it down in front of them.

Alternatively, put 12 pieces of gum in your mouth (Bubble is better than Chewing) and chew vigorously, making smacking noises.

They’ll walk away out of the sheer oddness of your actions mid-conversation.

poop on their desk when they’re out to lunch. that should do it.

[quote]iamthewolf wrote:
poop on their desk when they’re out to lunch. that should do it.[/quote]

better yet, poop on your own, and then start accusing everyone, not touching them, but violent accusing, screaming, pointing fingers, flipping desks and shit. It would be perfectly acceptable behavior if someone shit on your desk. And if anyone tries to get you to calm down, just accuse them.

What’s wrong with saying:

“Dude, really, please shut up.”

All this passive-aggressive pooping just doesn’t sound effective.

[quote]BradTGIF wrote:
What’s wrong with saying:

“Dude, really, please shut up.”

All this passive-aggressive pooping just doesn’t sound effective.[/quote]

i can only assume from your statement that you’ve never pooped on someone’s stuff / had your stuff pooped on. it is hightly effective.

[quote]iamthewolf wrote:

[quote]BradTGIF wrote:
What’s wrong with saying:

“Dude, really, please shut up.”

All this passive-aggressive pooping just doesn’t sound effective.[/quote]

i can only assume from your statement that you’ve never pooped on someone’s stuff / had your stuff pooped on. it is hightly effective.[/quote]

Yeah, passive-aggressive pooping is what got me where I am today.

as opposed to aggressive pooping where you do it on the other persons desk and possibly sling handfuls at them?

[quote]lawsonsamuels wrote:
as opposed to aggressive pooping where you do it on the other persons desk and possibly sling handfuls at them?[/quote]

yeah, i think monkeys have a lock on aggressive pooping. ours is more subtle, though i’m sure if you threw poop at a coworker they’d stop talking to you so it’s still worth considering.

I think I value my poop time too much to waste it on a desk… Not trying to sound fancy, but there you go.

Imagine the person you hate is Marc.

Marc has a wife and kids.

Just let your girlfriend (or random female friend) call his house (with a throw away cell number) and when his wife answer the phone just let her ask “is Marc there?” And if the wife asks who it is, just hang up.

Will give him some shit to explain.

[quote]Dahollow wrote:
Imagine the person you hate is Marc.

Marc has a wife and kids.

Just let your girlfriend (or random female friend) call his house (with a throw away cell number) and when his wife answer the phone just let her ask “is Marc there?” And if the wife asks who it is, just hang up.

Will give him some shit to explain. [/quote]

And then Marc’ll come back to work bla bla bla’ing about that shit all the following day.

You just worsened your whole cause brother!

[quote]Extremepain wrote:
Just argue constantly. Its a graphics company.

Are there any states where its legal to sew their mouths shut?[/quote]
Graphics? As in Graphics Design? Atleast you get paid while dealing with them,imagine going to school with them.

[quote]Dahollow wrote:
Imagine the person you hate is Marc.

Marc has a wife and kids.

Just let your girlfriend (or random female friend) call his house (with a throw away cell number) and when his wife answer the phone just let her ask “is Marc there?” And if the wife asks who it is, just hang up.

Will give him some shit to explain. [/quote]

THIS! But make sure the girl making the call has a slutty/sexy voice, y’dig?

you are working as a designer and you don’t have headphones?
well I guess you could go with the poop thing then, but headphones would solve these issues.

[quote]Totenkopf wrote:

[quote]Extremepain wrote:
Just argue constantly. Its a graphics company.

Are there any states where its legal to sew their mouths shut?[/quote]
Graphics? As in Graphics Design? Atleast you get paid while dealing with them,imagine going to school with them.[/quote]

Imagine, LOL, we all did that.
Just get some recruitment flyers from McDonalds at lunch and leave them on the desks of your fellow students. That should create enough self doubt and depression for a few hours of silence.