T Nation

Sick and Tired of Being a Lonely Bastard

Guys, and even girls, I need some advice. I’m fucking sick and tired of being afraid to display any sign of affection in fear that I’ll be rejected by the opposite sex.

This is me, after years and years of beaten down self esteem and self-confidence via friends, family, and my crazy, fucked up, cheating “ex-girlfriend”. Constant rejection is not fun, and I’m stuck in a massive black hole of self-loathing that I’m fucking sick of (if you couldn’t tell by my use of profanity).

It’s to the point of where I even question: do I deserve to be loved? do I deserve to be happy? do I deserve to be loved back? do I deserve to be be socially accepted and successful?

 Trust me, I'm in no way suicidal, I just want to live life how it was meant to be lived.  What do you do when you lose your friends, be rejected by the people who you loved and who you thought loved you back, and even stranger, and then come to an internet community such as this one asking for help and advice on a topic that is as as basic and human as it gets?

 And another thing, I feel like the only place I can be myself, my confident self that I know has all the dreams in the world waiting to become reality, is at the gym, with just me, my music, and the weights.  It's almost like a drug that destresses me and makes everything in the world seem ok.  

Move away and start from scratch.

I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I know how crazy ex-girlfriends can be and it ain’t fun.

It might also be worth to seek professional help. Not neccessarily because you’re “ill” but discussing your feelings can help and he/she may give you objective insight that you could find very useful.

Good luck, stay strong.

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.

sounds lie you will just have to
get used to it

sounds like you will just have to
get used to it

I just copied this from a website, some of the ideas may help you. You have to actually do them, though, dont just think about them… actually do them!

Cultivate self-appreciation
Write a list of your top seven qualities as these are what make you unique. Carry these around with you every day and read them to remind yourself of who you are and what makes you special.

Write a list of past successes
Think about the times in your life when you’ve been successful at something. Write a list of all of these and remind yourself of how you did this and how great it felt when you’d achieved your goals. Use these past experiences to fuel your self-belief and confidence for achieving your goals now.

Don’t engage in negative dialogue
Don?t put yourself down in front of others as it succeeds to tell you and everyone else that you don?t value yourself and have a low self-confidence. (Don’t post something like this again!)

Support yourself and put yourself first
Be your own best friend. Don?t beat yourself up and call yourself names. Be encouraging and congratulate yourself when you complete actions moving towards your healthier lifestyle goal. This will help your self-worth soar.

Choose positive role models
By looking at others in a constructive way rather than negatively comparing, we can help ourselves. Look at others with a glowing self-confidence and notice their characteristics. Pick up words and body language that they use and add this to your own repertoire.

Accept compliments
Being able to accept, believe and feel good about accepting compliments is crucial to cultivating a high self-confidence. The best way to accept compliments is to look the person in the face, smile and say thank you. This will in turn also make them feel good. Looking embarrassed, and feeling uncomfortable will also make them feel uncomfortable

Banish negative beliefs
What are your negative beliefs and how have your negative beliefs held you back so far? Cross them out and make a pact to add nothing else to the list.

Adjust your body language
Having good posture tells your mind, and others, that you?re looking good and feeling confident.

Use positive affirmations
Using positive affirmations everyday is effective as you?re communicating with the negative thoughts stored in your sub-conscious. Pick three strong statements, which literally make a negative self-belief into a positive one. For example, if you believe you?re not a confident person then ?I am a confident person? should be one of the positive affirmations that you say every day. Say your positive affirmations out loud while looking in the mirror and connect with yourself.

Redefine your self-image
Think about and write up who you are now. Identify the bits you want to change and rewrite a definition of your self-image. Read this everyday for the next three weeks at least and be that person. Prepare for the changes you are going to make and the new you by throwing out your old clothes and thinking about how best to dress your new self. Then go shopping!

If you keep doing what you were doing, you’ll keep getting the same things you were getting.

Make a fresh start, cut all the negative people out of your life.
Don’t keep telling yourself stupid things, you’ll start believing them after a while.
Look at yourself from a third person and look for you weaknesses and seek to improve them.

btw, how old are you mate?

[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
Oh yeah, and see a psychologist or cousellor. They can be very good at channelling your thoughts and emotions. For example they may lead you to the realisation that it’s nothing to do with YOU, that your ex picked on you. Rather, it was HER issues. You just happened to be the one she abused.

BBB[/quote]

Actually, therapist types rarely want to talk about other people and their issues (e.g. the ex-girlfriend), but rather what is it in the person seeking help that allowed them to become enmeshed in such an unhealthy relationship. Which is about you, Kaizen, and your underlying assumptions about yourself and the world rather than her.

These are the questions a good counselor can help you answer. Assuming the answers are yes, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved, etc, the question becomes what is it that’s stopping you.

It sounds like you’re in a good place, to be honest. The first component to making positive change is recognizing you’re sick of the way things are and making a decision to fix it. From here it’s just a step-by-step process of working through it, just like any problem. You make a decision to lose weight because you’re sick of being fat, and figure out what caused it and how to change it. You don’t like your dead end job so you make a plan to go to school nights. Emotional stuff works the same way.

Sounds like you need real friends that don’t consist of internet people.

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
Sounds like you need real friends that don’t consist of internet people.
[/quote]

Whats wrong with internet peopl?

V

[quote]Vegita wrote:
LankyMofo wrote:
Sounds like you need real friends that don’t consist of internet people.

Whats wrong with internet peopl?

V[/quote]

They can’t spell.

DB

What’s wrong with being a single male? Fuck I’ve never felt better. I do what I want, whenever the fuck I want, and how I want to do it. Sure I don’t get constant affection but when I feel the need I merely go and find a little somethin somethin on the weekends for fun and come Monday morning I’m all business. My two centavos.

[quote]Vegita wrote:
LankyMofo wrote:
Sounds like you need real friends that don’t consist of internet people.

Whats wrong with internet peopl?

V[/quote]

If your main source of love, affection and attention is the internet, something is wrong with you.

OP i’ve got some simple advice for you.

Whether you think you CAN, or you think you CAN’T…you’re right.

welcome to life.

you need a fresh start somewhere, go to a place where you know nobody, and then reinvent yourself

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
Vegita wrote:
LankyMofo wrote:
Sounds like you need real friends that don’t consist of internet people.

Whats wrong with internet peopl?

V

If your main source of love, affection and attention is the internet, something is wrong with you.[/quote]

x9000

[quote]LankyMofo wrote:
Vegita wrote:
LankyMofo wrote:
Sounds like you need real friends that don’t consist of internet people.

Whats wrong with internet peopl?

V

If your main source of love, affection and attention is the internet, something is wrong with you.[/quote]

You obviously haven’t tried the new virtual vagina

[quote]Growing_Boy wrote:
What’s wrong with being a single male? Fuck I’ve never felt better. I do what I want, whenever the fuck I want, and how I want to do it. Sure I don’t get constant affection but when I feel the need I merely go and find a little somethin somethin on the weekends for fun and come Monday morning I’m all business. My two centavos. [/quote]

Yes!!! This is true! You don’t need a bitch tying you down, all you need is you and some good friends and a little somethin somethin on the side, then kick her to the curb and find a new one