T Nation

Should I Have Asked This Girl Out?


#1

I went out Saturday night alone (none of my friends live within a quick drive) to this bar. The bar I went to wasn't really fitting my mood so I took a short walk and went to a quieter place and sat down where this beautiful bartender was bartending. We had some casual conversation, made her laugh a little bit, but it wasn't anything too serious. Hell I wasn't even in the mood to be overly social that night.

Anyway, this couple sits down next to me. They eat their dinner, order drinks but don't realize last call is a 1am and the girl throws a shit fit. She is cursing the bartender out, asking for her manager, blah blah blah, acting like she is Donald Trump when she probably lives in a shit neighborhood in the projects.

So as this woman is bitching and moaning I whisper to the bartender, who walked away briefly, that the woman making a scene is a first class bitch. She laughed. The bitchy woman ends up storming out and not tipping (after unsuccessfully trying to get a free meal) and as soon as she leaves the damn place you can see her sitting outside laughing! Holy shit right?

So the bartender and I talked some more, she vented about the night and a few other similar nights she had. Another bartender came up to me (tattooed girl with black shirt) and said some similar things, asked me to talk to the manager, so I did briefly.

The blonde bartender was pretty upset, and the bar had already closed down for the night but me and a select few were sitting around sipping our beers. We were joking around a little bit (trying to cheer her up because you could tell that really ruined her night) so when I got my check, I gave her a $20.00 tip on a $30.00 tab. I mean, I felt pretty bad for her. I used to work in the service industry and people can be pretty big pricks because they need their 5 minutes of power - I remember I'd go home fuming some nights.

So, she is extremely thankful, keeps talking to me some more. The tattooed one in black shirt said thank you as well. They were pretty surprised (in a good way). I end up sticking around until way after close, at least an hour, not realizing how much time had passed talking to the blond bartender.

I really, really think she wanted me to ask her out, and I wanted to ask her out, but didn't do it because I gave her that tip and she was pretty upset over the rude couple. I'm not really sure whether or not that was a smart move. On the one hand it would have been an easy opportunity, on the other I didn't want her to think I was taking advantage (also she was still on shift).

Should I have just done it? I'll probably see her again, but it might be harder to get her alone since that place gets crowded. Feeling like an idiot.


#2

When you look back on this in a couple of decades, standing in your comfortable shoes with the right woman on your arm, you will not give a shit about “the one that got away.”

Let it go now, and move on. Great things await you.


#3

[quote]CLUNK wrote:
When you look back on this in a couple of decades, standing in your comfortable shoes with the right woman on your arm, you will not give a shit about “the one that got away.”

Let it go now, and move on. Great things await you.[/quote]

OR…with the wrong girl on his arm, in crippling debt from her spending all his money, divorcing him and taking the kids, he’ll look back and wonder “What If??”

This could be the girl of your dreams dude and you screwed it up!! There will never ever ever be any girl who will compare to this one. You’re life will never be any better than it was that night and you’ll never feel this way again about anyone. You’ll fall in to deep despair and your life will lose all and any meaning, a black hole of desperation void of happiness and hope.

My suggestion, start using drugs. Heavily. Preferably meth and heroin cocktails if you can. Enjoy your spiral down the drain man. There are no other girls out there that have all of her qualities. None. You’ll never see her again. Ever.

Or, what Clunk said. His advice seems a lot more in line with reality and how life seems to work. I’d listen to him.


#4

A bartender’s job is to be nice and to make you comfortable at the bar. If they do a good job, you leave a big tip. It sounds like that’s what happened. So I wouldn’t really read too much into it.

That said, it’s summer time and you know where she works, so you can totally see her again. Don’t show up every day, like some stalker. But she’s a bartender, so it’s natural that you would see her if you went to the bar. Next time, you can feel things out to be sure. You don’t want to miss out on some hot blonde. Maybe don’t leave an obscenely big tip next time. That’s not how you want to come across.

Also, if she is a bartender, you know that she goes out. If you run into her when she isn’t working, she’s 100% fair game.


#5

Didn’t read, doesn’t matter.

Always err on the side of asking them out.

Each successive time you get rejected stings less and less. Once you don’t care about the blow to your ego, it’s truly freeing.


#6

First thing you should do is demonstrate value. Show her you’re skills in whatever you happen to have skills in. Maybe find out where she goes to work out and “randomly” bump into her there while benching or squating. You’ll show her you share common interests and are superior to most other suitors. Or maybe follow her to a library if she’s a student and work in how you just aced an organic chem final while curling “Growing Up In Bhutan”

After you’ve demonstrated value, you need to engage physically. Touch her arm while making her laugh, make sure she knows you’re there. Maybe stroke her hair as she walks past you while she’s working. Definitely hold her hand when you escort her to her car after she closes and gets out of work.

Next, you’ll want to nurture dependency. Get one of your bros to attempt to snatch her purse or break into her apartment while she’s home. Make sure you’re there to come to her rescue. Each time. She’ll learn that she needs you around. Maybe slash a tire on her car and show up with a spare “by coincidence”. This always worked for me.

Once you’ve established her dependency on you, she’ll feel as if she needs your attention for self worth. When you see signs of this, you’ll need to neglect her emotionally. When she texts you or calls you, don’t respond for a few days. When she drops by your place, pretend that you are just leaving and have somewhere else to go. Be as vague as possible. This is key as it will confuse her and foster her sense of overwhelming rejection. She’ll begin to feel hopeless and desperate.

Just when it seems as if things are at their bleakest for her, inspire hope. Suddenly show interest in her again. Give her a call and take her out. She’ll be so grateful, you’ll be able to do anything to her. She’ll be completely yours and NEED you. You’ll be irresistible to her. Do with her what you will.

Finally, separate entirely. Do not engage with her in any way shape or form. She’ll be yours forever, if you’ve executed each step reasonably.

Let us know how it goes, champ. Remember. you’re the best.


#7

Learn the words to this song, and sing along to it when appropriate. If it is not appropriate to sing to this from time to time, do your best to correct that situation.

While I’m at it, this one too. I’m finding my inner hillbilly these days.


#8

[quote]polo77j wrote:
First thing you should do is demonstrate value. Show her you’re skills in whatever you happen to have skills in. Maybe find out where she goes to work out and “randomly” bump into her there while benching or squating. You’ll show her you share common interests and are superior to most other suitors. Or maybe follow her to a library if she’s a student and work in how you just aced an organic chem final while curling “Growing Up In Bhutan”

After you’ve demonstrated value, you need to engage physically. Touch her arm while making her laugh, make sure she knows you’re there. Maybe stroke her hair as she walks past you while she’s working. Definitely hold her hand when you escort her to her car after she closes and gets out of work.

Next, you’ll want to nurture dependency. Get one of your bros to attempt to snatch her purse or break into her apartment while she’s home. Make sure you’re there to come to her rescue. Each time. She’ll learn that she needs you around. Maybe slash a tire on her car and show up with a spare “by coincidence”. This always worked for me.

Once you’ve established her dependency on you, she’ll feel as if she needs your attention for self worth. When you see signs of this, you’ll need to neglect her emotionally. When she texts you or calls you, don’t respond for a few days. When she drops by your place, pretend that you are just leaving and have somewhere else to go. Be as vague as possible. This is key as it will confuse her and foster her sense of overwhelming rejection. She’ll begin to feel hopeless and desperate.

Just when it seems as if things are at their bleakest for her, inspire hope. Suddenly show interest in her again. Give her a call and take her out. She’ll be so grateful, you’ll be able to do anything to her. She’ll be completely yours and NEED you. You’ll be irresistible to her. Do with her what you will.

Finally, separate entirely. Do not engage with her in any way shape or form. She’ll be yours forever, if you’ve executed each step reasonably.

Let us know how it goes, champ. Remember. you’re the best.[/quote]

Thumbs up for this. The D.E.N.N.I.S. system works every time.


#9

D.E.N.N.I.S. approach! Ask her out, and invite her to some trendy expensive place, that you know is closed at that time. Then get a pizza and bring her home!

In the past, I would ask girls out on Wednesday. I’d be working the weekend, but I’d ask them to go out the Mon-Tues of the following week. That weekend, before our date, I would go out at night. If I happened to run into the girl Thur/Fri/Sat night in a bar, it was like WE ALREADY WENT ON THE DATE!


#10

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:
Didn’t read, doesn’t matter.

Always err on the side of asking them out.

Each successive time you get rejected stings less and less. Once you don’t care about the blow to your ego, it’s truly freeing.[/quote]

THIS.

Doesn’t matter what you think she was thinking, if you wanted to ask her out you should have. It sounds like you had good conversation with her so the idea of you asking her out is not out of place.

If she says no, no big deal. At least you will have the peace of mind not to wonder “what if…”

Learn for the next time, no nuts no glory.


#11

SLOWLY work up to asking her out to demonstrate your superior value.

Can’t fail.


#12

Be careful flashing money to impress girls who are pros at getting money from guys! The bartender at Hooters has 12 “boyfriends!”

Young engineers are notorious for having money, but not experience.


#13

[quote]FlatsFarmer wrote:
Be careful flashing money to impress girls who are pros at getting money from guys! The bartender at Hooters has 12 “boyfriends!”

Young engineers are notorious for having money, but not experience. [/quote]

If any server only sees you at their place of work, you are not their boyfriend. See the “Raisins” episode of South Park


#14

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.


#15

[quote]FlatsFarmer wrote:
Be careful flashing money to impress girls who are pros at getting money from guys! The bartender at Hooters has 12 “boyfriends!”

Young engineers are notorious for having money, but not experience. [/quote]

I wasn’t flashing money I was giving her a tip because I felt bad for her. The person was a total dick. I try to be a decent person because today I feel like most people are just concerned with their dumbass facebook fame or their selfies on instagram. God forbid someone acts like a decent human being. People today really annoy me but that is another topic.

Plus, I don’t have much money. Student loans baby :slight_smile:


#16

Do you give everyone you feel bad for a twenty, or only bartenders you want to date?


#17

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#18

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.


#19

[quote]Aero51 wrote:

[quote]FlatsFarmer wrote:
Be careful flashing money to impress girls who are pros at getting money from guys! The bartender at Hooters has 12 “boyfriends!”

Young engineers are notorious for having money, but not experience. [/quote]

I wasn’t flashing money I was giving her a tip because I felt bad for her. The person was a total dick. I try to be a decent person because today I feel like most people are just concerned with their dumbass facebook fame or their selfies on instagram. God forbid someone acts like a decent human being. People today really annoy me but that is another topic.

Plus, I don’t have much money. Student loans baby :)[/quote]

No you didn’t give her money because you felt bad for her. You gave her money because she’s pretty and she talked to you. Do you give money to EVERYONE you feel bad for?

Nope.

You also don’t give money to every pretty girl you feel bad for. You gave money to this girl because she’s pretty and spoke to you. She was in a shitty situation and you felt like giving her a Jackson then she’d think you’re an a-ok number 1 kinda guy.

You wanted her to remember you and you thought giving her a larger than expected tip would increase the odds of this happening (her remembering you). In essence, you deposited a primer into her subconscious so the next time she saw you she’d immediately associate you with the feeling she felt when you gave her the tip (happines? Hope? My savior? Seriously, what WAS your motivation?).

Her associating that $20 spot with you would likely increase the chances that she’d associate you with happiness. Intentional or not, you screwed the pooch.

To be honest, the more I think about it the more I kind of want to punch you in the face, you unintentionally manipulative bastard. You basically put this poor girl in an awkward position and nudged yourself out of starting anything real with this girl. Even if you wanted to ask her out, her agreement would be based on obligation because you wanted to be a nice guy and throw some extra cash her way.

You basically paid for the increased probability of getting her to go out with you. If she has any integrity, if you ever do work up the cajones to go back in there to ask her out, she’ll flat out say no. And it’ll serve you right. You liked her, you and her conversed, so you gave her a fucking ridiculous tip based on a situation I’m sure she’s well equipment to deal with. This is a future payment for some sort of preference - motivation be damned. Good job, Don Juan, you really fucked up any chance of anything legitimate with that move. TBH, I hope she played your ass and came away with a better tip than she would have if she didn’t play the despair card. At least you’ll have learned a life lesson.

Also, keep in mind she’s a bartender. She chose to tend bar. She puts up with this shit probably on a daily basis (when she works). I’m sure she’s well equipped to deal with it. This is why I think she played your ass. And I’m not even saying or implying she’s wrong for doing it. I like to think she’s probably a nice person and you’re just a dumb dumb who over tipped because you wanted to, what? spare her feelings? That’s pretty fucking insulting tbh.


#20

[quote]polo77j wrote:

[quote]Aero51 wrote:

[quote]FlatsFarmer wrote:
Be careful flashing money to impress girls who are pros at getting money from guys! The bartender at Hooters has 12 “boyfriends!”

Young engineers are notorious for having money, but not experience. [/quote]

I wasn’t flashing money I was giving her a tip because I felt bad for her. The person was a total dick. I try to be a decent person because today I feel like most people are just concerned with their dumbass facebook fame or their selfies on instagram. God forbid someone acts like a decent human being. People today really annoy me but that is another topic.

Plus, I don’t have much money. Student loans baby :)[/quote]

No you didn’t give her money because you felt bad for her. You gave her money because she’s pretty and she talked to you. Do you give money to EVERYONE you feel bad for?

Nope.

You also don’t give money to every pretty girl you feel bad for. You gave money to this girl because she’s pretty and spoke to you. She was in a shitty situation and you felt like giving her a Jackson then she’d think you’re an a-ok number 1 kinda guy.

You wanted her to remember you and you thought giving her a larger than expected tip would increase the odds of this happening (her remembering you). In essence, you deposited a primer into her subconscious so the next time she saw you she’d immediately associate you with the feeling she felt when you gave her the tip (happines? Hope? My savior? Seriously, what WAS your motivation?).

Her associating that $20 spot with you would likely increase the chances that she’d associate you with happiness. Intentional or not, you screwed the pooch.

To be honest, the more I think about it the more I kind of want to punch you in the face, you unintentionally manipulative bastard. You basically put this poor girl in an awkward position and nudged yourself out of starting anything real with this girl. Even if you wanted to ask her out, her agreement would be based on obligation because you wanted to be a nice guy and throw some extra cash her way.

You basically paid for the increased probability of getting her to go out with you. If she has any integrity, if you ever do work up the cajones to go back in there to ask her out, she’ll flat out say no. And it’ll serve you right. You liked her, you and her conversed, so you gave her a fucking ridiculous tip based on a situation I’m sure she’s well equipment to deal with. This is a future payment for some sort of preference - motivation be damned. Good job, Don Juan, you really fucked up any chance of anything legitimate with that move. TBH, I hope she played your ass and came away with a better tip than she would have if she didn’t play the despair card. At least you’ll have learned a life lesson.

Also, keep in mind she’s a bartender. She chose to tend bar. She puts up with this shit probably on a daily basis (when she works). I’m sure she’s well equipped to deal with it. This is why I think she played your ass. And I’m not even saying or implying she’s wrong for doing it. I like to think she’s probably a nice person and you’re just a dumb dumb who over tipped because you wanted to, what? spare her feelings? That’s pretty fucking insulting tbh.

[/quote]

I don’t even know how to reply to this. You just made up a bunch of garbage based on facts that don’t exist. Punch me through the internet tough guy.