T Nation

Shit Hit the Fan


#1

I didn't know what forum to put this on but I am on this one all the time and have made friends with a lot of you.
The soon to be ex-wife gave me the divorce papers today. I lost it for a while. Your mind plays tricks on you when your down. Terrible thoughts of suicide enter my head. I'm okay though. I will get better over time. Something that has helped me during the separation was joining T-Nation. I get off work, work out, then I can't wait to get on the PC to see what my T-Nation buds are talking about. It takes my mind off of this stuff that is going on in my personal life. Thanks to those that have helped me and PM me. You know who you are.
Its kind of weird, but part of the reason I'm still alive is the people at T-Nation.
Here is a shout out to all of you. If any of you need ANYTHING, let me know and I will be there for you, just like you have been there for me.
JW


#2

Well hey man I dont know you at all, but you seem like a pretty cool guy

Stay strong and God Bless
Dezz


#3

Keep strong bro, there are better days ahead!


#4

You will get through this my friend, just persevere through the shitty times, as everyone goes through them, and look forward to things changing. Best of luck to you.

MK


#5

Yea I dont know you either. But I understand how that feeling is, that at least you have something to look forward to when you click on this site. The names change after a while I have noticed; the same guys that were here when I started are not here so much now.

But the spirit remains. Thinks get better eventually; time, the leveler of mountains, the equalizer of men, also heals all wounds.


#6

Ther will be better days to follow. T-Nation is a great support group and dont ever hesitate to post and vent.


#7

Best advice I've ever received:

When going through hell, keep going.

Best of luck.


#8

The struggle is what makes us all stronger. Life isn't about happiness... it is about a breaking the cycle, and learning how to cope with that discomfort. That is what builds character, and you will be a better man for it very soon.


#9

Hang in there bro! I've been in your shoes and IT WILL GET BETTER! I know it sounds easier said than done but here is some advice that a friend gave me. If there is no chance of saving your marriage you need to TRY (the easier said part) to take emotions out of the picture and treat your marriage like a business.

Get suicide out of your head. It won't teach anybody a "lesson" and it will devestate everyone that has ever cared about you. Do you have kids? If you do, statistically you will increase your kids' chance of committing suicide. And if you do have kids, I know you don't want that. (It's the "if Daddy did it, why shouldn't I mentality") I've had two friends committ suicide. The last one was about six years ago and my heart still aches when I think about him.

Go talk to somebody! Yeah, it's cool that you're venting here but brotha, you need help. There is nothing pussy about asking for it. In fact, it would show that your man enough to realize that you have a problem and you want to do something about it. I had a good therapist that helped me through my bad times when I was younger.

Hang in there! It's not going to be easy but you will be happy again. Remember, nothing really worth having comes easy. I hate saying this because when I first heard it I wanted to kick the shit out of my buddy but it's true. (If your'e a religious man) Know that God will never put you through anything that you cannot handle.

Take care and be strong!


#10

This post was flagged by the community and is temporarily hidden.


#11

Suicidal thoughts occur when a person is so caught up in personal misery that he can't see a "bigger picture."

Thank your lucky stars that you've got interests like working out and T-Nation that give you a "bigger picture" and something to pull you out of this misery you're feeling.

Don't give in to despair.


#12

When you're down I find that it's best to accept your feelings...even embrace them. They are a (temporary) part of life. Depression can play funky tricks on you. It's best to observe the suicidal thoughts with scientific curiousity and say to yourself "hey, that was a real fucked up thought" and try to laugh about it. Depression has a way of isolating us from reality. The reality is that you WILL feel better and have much to look forward to in life. Just ride this out friend. Learn from it and you will be a stronger person.


#13

I went through it too. In fact I'm only 16 months out of a divorce with three kids involved. We were in Ohio at the time and the ex moved down to Georgia (which is my original home...we met in high school) and so I immediately started looking for a practice down here...I can't be away from my kids.
Don't worry. The best advice I can give you is to find a counselor and talk to him/her as much as you need to, take emotions out, but be as close as you can minus those feelings to the ex, and love your kids like there's no tomorrow. Don't play any divorce mindgames. Just be yourself, and learn more about who you are and what you want for the future. Working out helps a ton, but if you need to, get another hobby too...like a martial art, or hunting/fishing, just something....and master it. Good luck dude, we all still struggle at times because of these life-events, but you lear from them and you move on. And on. And on. Just alwasy keep going.

Humanator


#14

I had some of the same thoughts after my divorce. Pretty much wished I was dead.

People say time will heal which is true to a point and it has, but I would do what I did not do and get back on the horse as soon as you can. Just because you date someone does not mean it has to be serious. Also hang out with friends and family as much as possible do not isolate yourself.

Another thing you will find out is that all of the sudden you will see your ex in a different light, wandering what you ever saw in her which may sound hard to hear if you still hold feelings for her but you must let it happen.

Last and not least let go man let go of all of the shit you have felt and are feeling. That shit will weigh you down like a fucking lead weight. Look at it as starting over and move on it does no good to hold onto bad memories.

I am telling you these things that I wish someone told me. And some things I wish I listened to.

Jeep


#15

I second what jeep said. I'm about 2 yrs post divorce. The first 6 mos or so are rough, but now I'm happier than I ever was being married. Keep plugging along, one day at a time, & it will get better, much better. As far as the divorce goes, spend whatever it takes to get the best lawyer in town. It'll cost you, but it's the best investment I ever made.


#16

I also agree with what reddog said get a good lawyer. You may think you do not need one but get one anyways and I stress again get a good one just to protect yourself. Again I wish I would have done that and I paid the price.

Jeep


#17

Thanks guys. Reading these replies makes me feel 10 times better. The turn around has already begun.
JW


#18

The human body and mind can endure anything for a period of time.

You'll get through. In the meantime, we're here.

RB


#19

It's replies like these that make me love this site more and more...

Things will get better - just keep your head up and this will soon be over and you'll be able to move on...


#20

Hey man, i'm going through some shit too, although not as large in scale. I recently broke up with a girlfriend of 4 years...I thought she was "the one."

I was wrong.
It's rough, and your mind can be your best asset or your worst enemy. It's all how you deal with it.

Life isn't about what happens, but how you deal with it.

Stay busy, cherish and reach out to the people around you. And remember, things can always, always be worse.