Zeb is right on with the question,
“what is it that you really want?”
on the normal side, you need counselling for sure. think about what steps you should take to pursue this legally. also, getting a career in law enforcement that catches child molesters and pedophiles will suit you as you can turn the negative energy within you (anger) into positive.
on the crazy side, i don’t think you’re up to it. i read your post and sense a certain fear towards your cousin. just because he went to prison and a regular bad ass doesn’t mean you can’t do him. and you shouldn’t go to jail if you plan it correctly and meticulously.
this is what i would do if i’m crazy enough. you said, “I still see him every now and again at family functions and we talk to each other like normal cousins do. I have never raised the issue with him, just kept it blocked up inside.”
this is perfect. what’s next? give him a hint that you remember what you use to do to him and make it known that you enjoyed it and you want to go out with him in the near future.
ok, i’m stopping. the rest is clear.