T Nation

Sexually abused as a child

Hi,
Firstly I’d like to congratulate the T-Mag team on such an excellent site, I’ve been searching for something like this for ages.
I love the weekly articles, and normally use the Training/Nutrition forum although I’ve never written any post up until now.
I know people often post in the off topic forum for advice etc, so I thought I’d take the liberty of getting some myself.
I was sexually abused as a kid by my cousin. I have never spoken to anybody about it as I wouldn’t feel comfortable doing so, which is why I’m writing a post on here as I can remain anonymous.
It didn’t go on for long, it only happened a few times but it’s embeded in my head and haunts me.
When he’d come round to visit or my parents took me to his house, he’d take me to another room to play. Then he’d make sure there was no risk of anybody walking in and he’d make me suck him off. He made me promise not to tell anyone otherwise he’d kill me.
I never told anyone, not my parents or my brothers. I kind of blocked it out since then, and none of us mentioned it. I still see him every now and again at family functions and we talk each other liike normal cousins do. I have never raised the issue with him, just kept it blocked up inside.
The thing is its just going round and round in my head. Every time I read about people getting raped in newspapers, or children being molested I get in a rage and just want to kill those rapists/paedophiles.
I don’t think it’s right for my cousin to get away with this, and I’m not going to let him. I wouldn’t go as far as murdering him as I don’t want to risk doing time for that scum.
Going to the police isn’t an option iether.
I’m in two minds as to what to do. He is a bit of a psycho himself, he’s been in and out of prison for violent offences.
He has two brothers who are also quite nasty characters, and he has alot of nasty contacts, so if I did do anything he could easily have me savaged.
I’d just like to hear what you would do in my situation.
For those of you who reply I’d like to thank you in advance for reading my post and for you reply.
Paul

that’s a hell of a first post.

G-dawg,
You read my mind.

“Needs to suck it up and get over his divorced parents, neglectful father, overbearing mother and whatever other crap he went through as a kid.”

i don’t know if there is a statute of limitations on this but you probably can’t do anything now leagally anyways.
shit i don’t know what i would do? wear a ski mask and john wayne bobbit his ass then shove his dick in his mouth, but that might give u away? just chop it off instead.

Sorry, but I’m calling bullshit…The guy signs up and posts that for his first post? come on…

Well Paul i cannot say that i have been in a situation like this so i can’t even begin to understand.

If i can make a suggestion, as well asthinking what he might to if you talked to him , what about someone else you could mention this to, what are likely to be the responses of some other people, e.g… ur parents, auntie, unlcle, brother, siser??, u think they could help u?, or would they likely jus try and brush it under the carpet???

Do you knw if maybe he did it someone else as well???

Hope this helps

You have to confront the person who did this to you to free yourself. I know many people that have been through similar situations and it will stay with you forever if you do not confront it head on.

Also, consider working with kids that have been through similar things. They need to hear from others that have lived with horrible experiences like you.

Mike Mahler

Greekdog, why are you assuming that Im talking bullshit just because this is my first post.
Since when does someone have to be fully acquinted with people to ask for impartial advice or opinions???
Do you judge everybodies first post by the level of how personal the post is???
So when do you suggest I write this post, by first writing a few posts just for the sake of pleasing people like you Im not talking bullshit, give me a break!
Anyway why would I write a bullshit post like this, what would I gain from it???

What’s with all the weird stories for first posts? It’s hard to know if its true or a troll…

sorry I didnt see your second posts…

i dont give a shit who he is or who is brothers are, id beat the fuck out of him!

then id make him suck my dick!

I think you should talk to your lawyer. I think it is entirely possible for a person to be prosecuted for past crimes. What he did to you was inexcusable and he deserves the worst punishment he can get.

If you’re worried about him and his brothers hurting you for taking the above actions, get in contact with some of the T-Maggers here and let us know your location. No matter how big and nasty your cousin’s contacts are, there are bigger nastier men on these forums who would be willing to do the right thing.

Paul,

First let me start out by stating that I am sorry for what you must have felt while being abused by your cousin. While I have not had such an experience, I am sure that it is horrific to say the least.

Next, I would like to pose a question: What is it that you really want? This may take a little soul searching so try to play a game with yourself. Make believe that you have three wishes, related to this particular problem. What would you wish for and in what order?

It might be that “revenge” is not really what you want. If I were in your posistion I would want peace of mind over all. I would want to come to terms with myself, not him. What I mean by this is you have to be confident with in your own mind that this was not your fault in anyway!

Many times rape and abuse victims carry around a certain guilt as there is a little voice playing deep with in their mind that blames themselves. This is one of the reasons they find it difficult to overcome their problem.

I would advise that you look at that situation as someone sitting in their parked car and being struck by another vehicle. The person in the parked car had absolutely no way to get out of the situation. And in addition to this was at zero fault for the accident.

Keep in mind I am not comparing the pain you are feeling with getting into an automobile accident. I only use this example as that is the same amount of culpability that anyone in your situation really has. It’s time to let that guilt go, if that is indeed part of the problem.

I do not recommend confronting him in any way. Many times when we confront someone who has wronged us we are looking for contrition on the part of the perpetrator. While this does occur on occasion, more often than not the one who caused us this pain has long since rationalized the evil act. This means that it’s possible that not only will he not apologize, or show remorse, which would help to get you to the emotional place you need to be, but actually blame you for the entire episode!

How would this make you feel? How would it make any of us feel if we are looking for an apology, and we end up being attacked once again? Also, judging by your brief description of where he has taken his life, since your childhood days, you can most likely expect the worst from this person. I think you need to stay away from him!

My suggestion is that you make that list of three things that you would like to have happen. In other words, dig deep to uncover what you really want to have happen. You may have that realization which sometimes occurs. If not, I further suggest that you seek competent counceling. Find a therapist who regularly works with abuse victims.

A few other things to keep in mind:

The abuser was a child at the time. And he may also have been a victim of abuse, as abused children sometimes act out on other children.

Also, the abuser in this case, while getting away with what he did to you, has not gotten away with other things. He has apparently spent time in jail!

Finally, I admire you for coming forward and posting this message. It took real courage! I would wager that just the act of finally “speaking” about it has brought a bit of comfort. I hope that it has!

If there is anything else I might be able to help you with, you may PM me. I wish you the best!

Zeb

paulJ,

because most people that come up here and post something like that are usually full of shit. We get alot of trolls around these parts.

I won’t apologize for being a sceptic. But if what you said is true, you need to deal with it in some way as it is obviously not settled with you.

“Revenge is the sweetest joy next to getting pussy.”

You need to go after him. Legal, or illegal is up to you.

In Texas you have seven years after you turn 18 to press charges. Of course, you could probably castrate him here and not get convicted.

Paul, action is warranted.

Zeb’s got some good clear-headed advice for you there and I’d advise that you take it.

That said…

There’s no freakin’ way I’d let the prick get away with it!

You ever see “Sleepers” ?

Get him!

Billy

Zeb, great post. Somebody very close to me was involved in a similar situation. They call it the “gift that keeps on giving.” The simple fact that you have broken the chain is a strong testimony to your role in the initial event(s). Unfortunately, I cannot recommend counseling as I have seen far too many examples of the fuckheads administering so called counseling causing way bigger problems than existed in the first place. Here’s an idea. Buy a used chipper shredder, chest freezer, and a cord of wood. Preferably hard wood (oak, maple, etc.) All cash purchases. Find a fast flowing river, no less than 4 feet deep. Then find a quarry. Kill him as painfully as possible in a remote area. Then dismember and freeze the body in the chest freezer. Knock all the teeth out of the skull. Pulverize them with a hammer (roots and all) and bury them far away from the scene. Find a fast flowing river, no less than 4 feet deep, and chipper shred a mixture of the frozen body parts and the wood into the river, making sure to not allow any of the shreddings to land anywhere but in the water. (Use a clear 3 mil painting tarp and ball it up and shred when finished.) Then take and push the shredder and freezer into the quarry. No, I am not kidding. Do us all a favor and wipe him off the face of the planet. Best of luck to you.

If he’s otherwise worthless as a human being (that is, he hasn’t reformed), just kill the son of a bitch, and dump the body. Don’t discuss it with anyone… including, but not limited to, legal counsel, therapists, or an internet forum. Or it will come up in court.

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