T Nation

Sexual history


#1

I've never been one to be stuck on personal history but after reading a few posts in a previous thread it made me wonder...does it ever matter other than in the case of disease?

How many is to many for the average guy/girl?

As an example my friend is dating this really nice girl, she's 31 nearly 32. She loves him totally, it's really nice to see but she has a little activity behind her that I know bothers him a little. She's not had alot of sexual activity but what she has done has been with different folks. My friend says as long as you can count them all on both hands and never more it's ok. I say past is the past period. The forums views?


#2

At some time in our life, we have to stop wishing for a better past.

So, some arbitrary number is the make-or-break point? Pretty callous to me. In many regards, you'd appreciate a little experience, and any mental issues are usually worrying that you measure up to past experiences.


#3

What brider said. The way I see it, I can't change the past and it's really none of my business anyhow. I actually prefer a woman with some experience who knows what she likes and does'nt like. I also don't think a woman who has slept with many men in the past is any more likely to stray than a woman who has slept with few. As long as she's happy and loyal to me, there's no issue.


#4

Holding a girl or a guy to a specific number is pretty juvenile. Especially a woman. Women can get laid within 15 minutes any time of the day if they so choose. As a guy, think about if you had that power. What would your numbers be? The movie Chasing Amy addresses this kind of topic pretty well.


#5

The past is the past. Don't ask, don't tell is your best bet. Like the others, I also prefer someone who has some experience. That way, she knows what she likes and knows how to rock my world. I don't discuss my past, and I don't ask my girlfriends to tell me about theirs. Yes, I know some things about my current girlfriend, but nothing that would affect our relationship. Trust is the key to success.


#6

The arguments go in both directions. On the one hand, there are those that say that a woman that has never had sex before is more likely to stay devoted only to you. Others say that she would be curious to know what someone else might "be like" since she lacks experience. You can produce arguments going both ways for a more experienced woman as well.


I think that a worthwhile question is whether or not women generally leave and/or cheat on a man because of sex, or if they leave/cheat because of deeper issues. Isn't that the root of the fear, at least for a modern man? "If I'm not the best she's ever had, she's going to go find someone that can satisfy her to that level."


#7

While someone has the right to decide if they are comfortable with their partner having had X number of previous partners, you have to wonder at their reasoning. Of what possible consequence is the number of previous partners? Anyone can get an STD from one single encounter. Anyone can get pregnant/impregnate someone at one single encounter. Anyone can get all sorts of emotional/psychological insecurities/hangups/inhibitions from one single encounter. Assuming your partner has not experienced this - what difference does it make if they've had one partner and 1,000 encounters or one encounter with 1,000 partners or any combination of the two?! Why doesn't your friend focus on what's actually important - how the chick treats him. Does she respect him, is she kind to him, do they have similar interests and enjoy eachother's company? If so, again, what the hell does it matter?


#8

Considering that women with a long and sordid sexual history tend to have a lot of "issues", then you're damned right it matters. See previous thread on this topic. Even the sexually promescuous women on this board agreed that sexually promescuous women usually have problems.


#9

"History repeats itself". Dont think its a trivial quote.


#10

Well I think for disease definately number is an issue. Karma's mathematical model is flawed in my view. No offense Karma. As every partner is potentially a person connected to even more partners all who are connected to more etc. etc. Therefore each partner could exponetially raise your risk of stds. Now barring stds...personally the more innocent the better for me. Just the type of personality I like. That doesn't mean I will dump a girl based on this alone. Alot of other things would factor in this. I like good girls what am I gonna do. Bad girls usually make better friends though. Ciao. :slightly_smiling:


#11

Hold on a second. This guy is saying that if you can't "count on both hands," the girl has slept with too many people. But let's think about this critically for a bit, shall we? That would be a threshold value of 10. assuming the girl to be 30 years old, and to have started dating at around 17, that gives her 13 years of dating time. 10 partners is less than 1 partner a year, each of which could have been long term relationships, technically. How many single guys here would be willing to swear off banging more than one chick a year? "Sorry, can't sleep with you... I'd be over my quota."


#12

but does a large number of partners really mean promiscuity or a series of failed relationships over the years? What constitutes promiscuity? Many 1 nighters, a few?


#13

most of the slutty (and I'm referring to men AND women)people I have met have had serious self confidence and self respect issues not to mention a plethora of other problems. So yes, the past matters.


#14

That's just a bunch of goddamn bunk: "Even the sexually promescuous women on this board agreed that sexually promescuous women usually have problems. "

The thread you are referring to was one of many that was just plain a waste of time - therefore I didn't waste the time to post. There are many, many men (or BOYS -more like it) that have had twice, thrice as many sexual encounters than many so-called "promiscuous" women. And a woman does not have to have "issues" to be able to enjoy sex. And if a man does indeed love a woman - than he needs to accept ALL of her. Past included. Who she is now is what matters most. To be able to accept someone unconditionally is called "maturity". Something that seems to be lacking in the overwhelming majority of the males of this forum.


#15

It's hard to feel special in someone's eyes when you're Mr. 56

Sleeping around with everyone is as bad as falling in love with everyone.

I dont know many people that would want to have a date fall in love with them after the 3 outing... Do you know why? Because it says something about that person. It says 'they're losers because they give it up too easily'. Same priniciple with their genitals :P~


#16

To the women on the board, are you ever bothered by a man's past? Like if he slept with too many women? Too few? Another man? I really think men just want the fantasy of being the ONE in a woman's life, that no other compares to them, and knowing that their girl has a statistically significant chance of having someone better and/or larger bothers them. No one wants to think about someone else having made your girl scream like no other in the past. As for the promiscuity thing...that's only a problem if they didn't want to give it up, yet were too weak to say no. Even then, if they're stronger now, then that's not an issue. As a guy, given the chance, most of us will nail anything on two legs and warm. If a girl took on this philosophy for even a week, she could kill a guy's numbers. It's so easy for women to get laid, even the ones held to be physically unattractive by a wide audience of men. Huge double standard - men are allowed to screw around as much as they want, and women are expected to remain chaste.


#17

The thread relating to sexually promiscuous WOMEN could well have applied to MEN as well. I think the key point being that the motive behind the action is the determining factor, not the action itself. Someone can like to fuck for the pleasure it brings and not have any psychological issues, or someone can fuck to compensate for having psychological issues. Anyway.....

BOP: Yes, history does tend to repeat itself. What's the point here? If cheating is the "history" then it ought to bear a closer examination, but if the simple enjoyment of a physical act is the "history" - what's the problem with that?

nkeago: Yes, if you consider STDs to be the primary issue behind limiting the number of partners then my model is fatally flawed. However, I didn't get that to be the issue the poster's friend was having. Additionally, regardless of the exponentiality of risk in contracting STDs from having numerous partners, if a person is CLEAN at the present moment and has had biannual AIDS testing (negative result of both antibody and culture, of course) then the exponentiality of risk is entirely MOOT.

Patricia: I gotta ask the question out of curiosity....what is the determining factor for you when deciding which thread related to sex is worth reading and answering and which is not? I know you skip a lot of the posts regarding sexual issues (at least, you say you do) and I just haven't seen a pattern yet. Probably none of my business, but I was curious.


#18

Jared: Personally, about the only thing in a man's past that would be a "make or break" issue for me is a tendency to lie. Now, his past IS going to affect the questions I ask and how he answers those questions will decide if I chose to date him or not. I don't give a damn if he's a virgin or if he's racked numbers in the thousands. But if I find that the REASON he is/has done whatever is for something I consider unacceptable, then that's the pertinent issue.

Example would be a guy that's a virgin because he thinks sex is dirty, evil, and will result in death - I can't deal with that. But if he's a virgin because he has deep convictions that sex is to be with the one person you love and marry - I respect that. If he's racked a thousand one nighters because he was a porn star and is now "out of the life" it's a lot different than if he's racked those numbers by having no appreciation for and decieving innocent girls.

I'm much more concerned with the motivations of people and the lessons they've learned from their journeys in life than in any particular "stat" they may possess.


#19

What did I mean by history repeating itself?

What I meant is that if ever I met a girl who had sixty-some-odd partners before me that she has a fairly high turn over rate. Old habits die hard. That being the said, my life is far to busy to invest in anyone I know isnt going to be there in the near or distant futur.

I'm assumed this thread was about how a persons sexual past effects finding an adequate boy/girl-friend or husband/wife. Not whether a persons sexual past effects the type of person you choose for a 1 night stand.


#20

I think more than 10 is ok.