T Nation

Sex Conversation: How Many Partners?

I went through a good 5+ year period where I was heavily involved in the Craigslist and Backpage escort section. In that time I’d reckon at least 50-75 flings. Perhaps due to this I’ve never been much of a relationship guy and my total number has surpassed the century mark. Not something I’m terribly proud of but it is what it is and can’t say I exactly regretted it, well except the time being held at gun point and pistol whipped :sweat_smile:

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It’s all couples dynamics but there is no point denying that some may consider sex an intimate act and don’t want a partner who got banged by the stripper at a birthday party. And that some consider sex a recreational activity and couldn’t care less if their partner was rolling around with someone new every other day.

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Kinda vacillating on whether l want to hear this story or not… :grin:

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I agree. It’s perfectly fine for people to not be okay with it. Just saying, I don’t think there should be shame for number of partners.

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Everyone’s “too much” threshold varies, but 4 boyfriends shouldn’t be at anyone’s threshold unless they consider premarital sex to be a mortal sin. My wife knows about the borderline gross amount of women I slept with before, during, and after the military, as well as which girlfriends I cheated on, and the gnarliest one night stands that I still shudder at.

Wanna tell your boyfriend about your past partners? Fine. Don’t want to? Fine. But if you tell him, and 4 is a deal breaker for him, he wasn’t the right one anyway. You are who you are, you’ve done what you’ve done, and talking about it or not talking about it won’t change that. Still, though - you have an extremely tame background, according to what you’ve told us.

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No, but at some number you have to question someone’s judgement, maybe their emotional or mental stability.

I think one should choose what things they care about in a partner. I think it is totally fair to not want to partner up with someone with a lot of partners. I get why people feel shame, because some people do not want a partner who has been with a lot of people. Personally, it would be a turn off for me. Maybe due to insecurity (thinking what if one of them was better in bed than me for example). Maybe drawing a connection from number of partners to the likelihood of cheating.

I am just saying the individual shouldn’t feel bad about having sex. I totally get why some feel shame though.

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yea that’s selfish as fuck if he didn’t ask the question. And unbelievably disrespectful to his feelings.

The ‘how many people have you fucked’ conversation is one of those things that probably shouldn’t happen after the age of… IDK, 25? At some point that conversation will provide absolutely no benefit, UNLESS both parties really care about the number, for religious reasons, or otherwise. Most of the time, people ask this out of insecurity. I’d much prefer to just not care, and be secure in what I bring to the table. I would never ask that question to someone I’m with, and I would be annoyed, to say the least, if they just volunteered it. Be respectful. Honesty is absolutely the best policy. I’m not suggesting anyone lies about this. But it’s not a thing that just has to be volunteered. There is a thing called oversharing, and this is definitely an overshare when it isn’t asked for. Real talk: if you feel the need to tell people things they didn’t ask, because it’s just so important to you to make sure ‘they know everything about you’, you’re just a selfish asshole. Not sorry if that hurts your feelings.

Apart from all this, the idea that any particular number is ‘good’ or ‘bad’ is really silly. 1 is fine. 200 is fine, on either side. Whatever. All that matters is the dynamic of the relationship you’re in, and that both parties want the same thing while they’re together. I’ve been in relationships where there was a MASSIVE disparity between me and my partner, and it was never an issue.

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Dudes my age will have had 20+ online “sex partners,” wear that badge with pride, and still be virgins.

Are these the same dudes with 40+" verticals, and 4.3 second 40 high school stats? Probably benched 315 for reps in the 10th grade too. I am starting to think people may over exaggerate or straight up lie on the internet.

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After reading this and trying to think like a girl for a minute, I realized its probably a quid pro quo strategy. Like, she wants to know what he did and tries to find out by telling him what she did, as if he would reciprocate by telling her how many men he slept with too.

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Exactly. 100% selfish reasons. ‘I’m willing to tell you everything about me, what are YOU hiding? What’s YOUR number?’ It’s just immaturity. And I mean, she’s 20. So that’s just how it is, I get it. I just wish I had understood these things when I was that age.

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Hol up.

I am at 0 for that count (not that there is anything wrong with it, just not my thing).

That would be an interesting way to spin that conversation.

Her: I have slept with 4 guys how about you?
Him: 0 guys so far.

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Typo or not, made me smile.

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No. Real life. Actually though - I’m 21, and many dudes my age will exchange “nudes” with girls on Snapchat, and maybe go as far as to masturbate over the phone or FaceTime or something. This was at the beginning of when nudes became a really common thing, probably 2016 or so.

But they’ll have never met the girls in real life (most of them are from the area/town - wouldn’t be that hard), are awkward when they do like they’re really meeting for the first time (like…you’ve seen her boobs, she’s seen your dong…), and haven’t ever had sex. Like this is becoming super common, and my peers’ little brothers are starting even younger.

:grin::+1:

I’m glad it didn’t slip through the cracks.

Her : I’ve slept with 4 guys…

Him : I’ve been with about 30. We never really slept though.

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This reminds of a story a former Mr Iowa told me back in about 1974 before it was common that women lifted weights.

He was at a bar and noticed a pretty, young woman, he walked over to test his luck, and asked, “Have you ever slept with a bodybuilder?” She replied, “NO. Have you?”

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a former friend of mine from the gym sent unsolicited dick pics about a year ago- immediately cut off all contact.

While I was offended, it was useful in affirming my suspicions that I do not want one anywhere near me

Sharp one, she was!