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Sex Conversation: How Many Partners?

Hi everyone, This is a tough question but I thought here may be the best place. I’ve always found my gym friends to be the most honest.

I was talking to my friend last night about my boyfriend and she asked if we had sex. I told her we had and then she asked my how many guys I’d slept with. I told her I lost my virginity at 16 to a guy I dated for a year in high school until his parents were relocated to a different state. I dated another guy in high school for about a year and then he went on to college. After that at the start of college I had a short relationship with a guy who was a few years older than me for about 8 months until one of his friends told me he was engaged and I broke it off right away. Now at almost 20 im with my current boyfriend. She made me feel like that was way too many guys.

My question is does 4 boyfriends by my age put me in a bad category. What really is considered average.


Is your friend fat?


Considering there are no one night flings in your total, that speaks to a reasonable amount of discretion.

I got a slow start, having sex with only one by the age 20. It was a very short “affair” of three occasions at her apartment. Now at age 72 I had been with about 18 different girls, some marriages and long term connections, and some short “affairs” and one night stands.

Nah, you good

Of course, everyone has their own standards when it comes to sex, but, based on your described experience, it seems like you have a mature approach to sex.

There is no correct answer for a question like this, it will vary case by case.


Feel like there’s been a few brand new users popping up lately…I’m just hoping for a greenboy 2.0

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I agree with this. It’s less about a number to me than it is about lack of discretion.

Never tell anyone how many partners you’ve had, what you earn or where you buried the bodies.


Exactly! These things are absolutely nobody’s business but your own.

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This is one of those things that will depend on who you ask. To some, it matters way too much, to others, so long as you’re looking out for your reproductive health it really wouldn’t matter.

I think any questions had, should be personal ones. As in, how, pertaining to yourself, do you view the number of sexual partners in terms of how that makes you feel, and anything that would cause mental/emotional disruption.

There’s plenty of science to back up the seeming normalcy of either high amounts of sexual partners, and/or lower amounts of sexual partners. But I don’t think biological explanations do not, to a degree, operate without some influence from emotional/mental explanations/mechanisms (Either for or against).

What I personally think doesn’t matter all that much, but what you think should matter the most. If you find issues with 4, that’s okay. Is there anything you’d like to do to help with your state of mind concerning that? If you do not find issues with 4, that is also okay.

Your friend may be passing judgment, and that’s what people do. There’s nothing wrong with you though.

Thanks, Part of the reason this conversation hit me so hard is that I love my current boyfriend and feel the need to tell him about my previous relationships. I know a few here have said not to but I feel it’s necessary. I don’t want to be in love with someone who doesn’t know everything about me.

I guess I feel guilty now.

It sound like you’re doing this more for your sake than for his.


I would suggest that if honesty in a relationship is important to you, then you should be honest. That means that you wouldn’t lie to him about these things but doesn’t mean you have to come out and tell him without being asked.

Do you want him to know the person you are or the person you were? Not everyone can tell the difference.

  1. This is very much an answer that requires the context of your local culture
  2. Average is going to be hard because people lie through their teeth about stuff like this
  3. This may seem important now but won’t when you are older
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I want him to know everything about me so I can move forward freely.

Do you mind if I ask you to say how you feel about my age and number of partners and let’s assume he is the last. From my friends it’s right in the middle. With some only having 1 and a few others having more.

I’m not asking for a judgment, just some insight as to what others think?

I have no opinion whatsoever on whether it’s a little or a lot. Not being evasive, I really don’t know, and it’s not something I would fret about.

From what you indicated in your original post I inferred you never were unfaithful toward any of your partners. That might be the most important aspect of your sex life.

“Everything?” Do you really want to your partner to know how often you lie to other people. That is a very important characteristic of a person too.

I suppose if you feel your sexual life is important to share with your partner, it should come up organically. And maybe the details should be kept to the absolute minimum, otherwise you might inflict more relationship problems than you solve.

I just cannot imagine that I would want to know the name of every person my wife had been sexual with, or even the actual number of them.

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4 partners is equivalent to what I have (met my wife at age 22, she is the last). From my days in college I can tell you 4 is a very low number compared to the general population. Many people (guys and girls) I knew had that many partners in a month. I say you are riding the straight and narrow here, but it only matters what you and your current boyfriend think. If he has a problem with your (tame) past, that’s a big red flag.

Thanks. It’s a tense subject for me. I really regret my last boyfriend, I did not know he was engaged and went into the relationship thinking it would work.