Sex before marriage

Sexual, monetary and emotional incompatability are the three biggest things to overcome, if they can. I say get it as often as seems appropriate, but be true if in a committed relationship.

Yeah, you can catch stuff even while using condoms. Which, if you think about it, actually helps my argument out in a way. If you’re going to say that you can catch stuff just through, say, kissing someone (and you can), then the people who are worried about this sort of thing should, logically, extend the no-sex-before-marriage ban to kissing as well. (mace.J, are you going to argue against premarital kissing as well?) This would make perfect hygenic sense. However, feeling up a girl’s breasts would be okay no matter what, as there are no diseases that one could catch that way.


Yet, oddly enough, no one is advocating this sort of behavior. (Can you imagine parents telling their children “Hey, second base is okay, but none of that kissing!”?) So it seems clear to me that, no matter how someone may protest to the contrary, a no-premarital sex attitude is conditioned mainly by socio-religous values, with the health stuff thrown in as a sort of additional argument to help persuade those who have no religious agenda of their own and aren’t swayed by such arguments.


As for the efficacity of condom usage, no, they’re not perfect. But if you look at the statistics for sexual diseases in Japan (where condom use is and has been widespread for decades), you’ll find that it has by FAR the lowest incidence of STDs (including AIDS) of any country in the world. I don’t know what the number is at the moment, but in 1995 there were only about 200 cases of AIDS reported here - and despite its small geographic size, Japan has about half the population of the US. It’s hard to argue with numbers like that.

haha, why must you continuously disagree with me!!! haha, im only kidding, you are also correct which only illustrates that every relationship is going to be “traumatizing” in one way or another. People are fucked up…end of story.

Fuck any girl thats hott while u can man!!! Anyone who says they dont believe in sex before getting married other then religous reasons is stupid. They probably cant get laid or if so with there damn mom. Sex is not boring. Sex is for the high testosterone men. If she is hott fuck her. Then when your married you’ll be a porn star for your wife.

Char-dawg says “a no pre-marital sex attitude is conditioned mainly by socio-religion values, with health stuff thrown in…” Do you truly think logic and reason don’t weigh heavily too? Like the fact that 13 yr olds and alot of older teens aren’t mentally mature enough to handle sex, let alone a child( an actual response to the question of “are you sexually active” was “no I just lay there”, given by a 15 year old). Or even that a lot of 20 somethings aren’t ready to be a mom or dad, and there are more than just religious studies to prove the hard ships faced in a single parent setting.
And MIke am I to understand your last couple of sentences to mean that you become better at sex by having more sex and not by focussing on your partner? And that just because someone chooses not to get laid, do you truly feel it’s because they can’t or because they have more self-control and discipline, or perhaps goals to achieve that they will not sacrifice for anything?
Peace, Tmofa

Yes.

Has anyone here ever tried on a pair of new shoes? Did you think you were the only person to try those on? Did you see some other guy with sweaty, ugly, stinky feet try those brand new shoes on? Without socks? Did it make you want to put your face right down in that shoe? Or did you go looking for another cute pair to try on?
What about underwear? I go commando myself, but if I needed a pair of drawers I would look for an unopened package.
What if that potential life partner of yours has been with say only three other people than you? Three lovers is bordering on cold fish prude to look at some of these responses. Maybe it was two serious, commited relationships, and one rebound “let’s do it against the wall in the elevator to get me over number one?” Do you find all this out before or after becoming number four, or getting married?
My point is this: Dating is like trying clothes on. We can choose to try on outer wear, or we can choose to try on more intimate things. The problem is when we don’t choose to keep what we’ve tried on (get married), we put the stuff back on the rack. Pretty soon that “pair of shoes” has been worn and returned so many times they’re scuffed and worn and they end up on the discount rack. Even if they look new they don’t feel as if they are worth the same as a new pair.
Bottom line: Dating is a deliberate couse of action a person takes to find a mate they will be with the rest of their life. Sex should not be a part of that.
Ask yourself, have you been tried on and put back? How does that make YOU feel?

And Clint, you knew I’d say all of that, but I felt like it needed to be part of the conversation.

I understand what you’re saying, and agree that we shouldn’t go with something off the “discount rack”, but I don’t know if that analogy is very respectful. Is having sex with someone a process by which you make someone “dirty”, as trying on shoes and wearing them makes them dirty? Thus, is the wife of 20 years a ragged piece of cloth that no one would want to be with? I would assume you would say not, but assuming is quite dangerous. I get new shoes every year. Should I swap out my dirty old wife after the first year? Of course not. I just think comparing people to pieces of clothing in this way is quite deceptive. If you focus on what you say, it would be easy for a rational person to agree with you, but if you look for any hidden messages (which I completely believe are unintentional on your part), you could see a Purtian view of sex (“Ewww, that’s dirty honey, get it over with”). Also, as a side note, what constitutes “tried on”? Sex? Sex in a caring relationship? A one-night stand? A blow-job? Make out session? People are also emotionally “tried on”, so reducing sex to just an act is definitely excluding the religious aspect of this issue, if you are coming from that point of view. If not, please disregard the last comment. I agree that life would be better, in general, for people if they found one partner and stuck with them. There would be much heartache and hurt avoided. I just don’t agree with making sex a process by which people are devalued.

Another way to look at this is if you have a shiny new car you don’t care how many people test drove the car before you, your just happy it’s in your garage.

Man is this not t-mag? Sounds like estrogen mag to me. Dont we have any guys out here that want to go have sex with all the hott chicks and live a little before they are married. Everyday we are brainwash by sexual advertisements. The whole world pushs sex on us. I mean look at all the adds. They all have a hott girls or attractive male on it. Sex is fun! We all should do it. It doesnt matter if you love them or not cause its still fun.

Mike, Nobody said sex was boring and not fun. Or that it becomes so once you are in a committed relationship. Sex is still great and fun after 6 years of marriage. I can tell you her scent and the feel of her breath. And as far as the “T” vs “E” comment. Your own perceived successes and failures are what cause changes in “T”. I have so much success daily in my life that my “T” levels are just fine. And again Mr. Cassanova, the amount of sex you have, doesn’t make you a better lover if you’re only out to get YOUR own rocks off. In fact it probably makes you more in the anti-social/egocentric categories. Peace, Tmofa

Jared, I think you missed my point. I love sex, am married, and have a great sex life. I will not trade my wife in for a newer model ever! Sex does not make anyone “dirty” unless they contract an STD. However, almost nobody is a virgin when they get married anymore, and that means there is a lot of baggage to deal with in each others’ past. My bet is that if someone were to be 100% honest, they would have preferred to marry a virgin if just to avoid that baggage. To define “tried on” is different for everyone, but I mean it to be oral, anal, or vaginal sex. Safe doesn’t matter. What I mean by “discount rack” is, how does the girl who’s been “tried on” feel about herself? After a girl (or guy) has been tried on and then broken up with over the years-“Sorry darlin’ I gotta get with someone new now”-how they view themselves and their own worth or value. They begin to think they belong on that discount rack. And as you say,“Life would be better if…” As T-Men, aren’t we supposed to DO better?

I agree with you that sex before marriage results in a lot of baggage. I just thought the analogy you used could be misleading if taken the wrong way. I honestly think you and I think pretty similarly about sex, but there are others that view the experience of sex differently. Some may see sex as a growth experience - learning about themselves, others, sex, etc. Others may think of sex along the same lines of the analogy you mentioned - just that they are the ones trying on and thus they feel like an informed consumer rather than a used piece of merchandise. I also think you broached a subject this is often avoided on this site - what it is to be a man in general (or in this case a “T-Man”). Morals are often overlooked in determining one’s masculinity (less often with femininity) in our society, and I fear that as they are one of the things that separate us from mere animals. I guess my original point was that if you were trying to get others to think about how much “better” monogamy after virginity, that the analogy might actually deter some, but it was good food for thought.

I am firmly, FIRMLY against sex before marriage. I mean, what are you going to do, bang some girl at the church, throw your tux back on, and walk up the aisle? No way! For me, no sex directly before marriage. We are talking about directly before the service right? As in, the 2-3 hours before???

Virginity is one of the most precious gifts God has given you. Sex is enjoyed the most under God’s plan for a marriage between a male and female. Evidence of that can be found Song of Songs 7 in the bible describing the intimacy between King Solomon and his wife. Sex before marriage is a risk in which can lead to pregnancy, Stds, and other health risks. If there is one piece of advice I could leave you with it would be this Virginity is a once in life time thing once you give it up you can never get it back.

I don’t believe there is a universal answer to this. I’m not about to tell people they should or should not have sex prior to marriage - just that they need to really, reeeaaally, REEAAALLY think about what’s right for them and to then analyze why they came to that conclusion. Whatever the answer is, fine. So be it. Just be sure you are making up your own mind for yourself and not buying into something someone else told you.

I also think a person has the right to change their mind on the matter. A lot of us didn’t grow up in the nicest of households with the best role models and behaved in ways that were detrimental without really realizing that there was an option. The ability to rethink this at a later date and have the option of revising your stance on the subject is necessary for growth. While you cannot regain your physical virginity, I believe you can regain your emotional/spiritual/psychological virginity. And the latter should be just as important as the former.

There are all kinds of social, economic, health, religious and cultural reasons for virginity being an issue. The various pros and cons have been discussed already and anyone with half a brain can see both sides, independent of what side they happen to be on. Now, here's a question for you.....why are you asking? Do you need ammo for something?