T Nation

Serving a Piece of Justice


Anyone have any stories about catching a criminal in act? Mine's not as exciting as I was hoping for it to be but here it is anyways. Maybe you have a better story to tell:

I was driving home from hockey one saturday night and as I pass my neighbour's driveway (5ft from where I park...I live in a townhouse), I see some young punk in a basketball jersey hovering over my neighbour's car. As I slow down to turn into my parking spot, I see him dash towards the back of the building. I was like, wtf that's odd.

So I get in the house, think for a second, grabbed the biggest wrench I could find and went outside and sat on my porch. It was dark and light wasn't on so I was well hidden. It was dead silent for a few minutes and I was about to go back inside, thinking I scared him away until all of a sudden I hear the faint sound of jingling change. I hear it get louder and I see the douchebag cross the street and start checking if the other car doors were unlocked.

I knew I had to do something so I stood up, started walking towards him and when I was about 10 feet away, I screamed "HEY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?" He swiftly looked up, looked back, saw me standing there, and bolted to the alley by our townhouse. I start walking around the complex looking for this ass and I see him come around the corner with... a CAKE. Yea. A birthday cake. Big square white one. I was like, WTF. I start walking towards him to intercept where he's going and he starts walking faster.

I yell out "what are you doing?"
He says "taking this cake home"
I say "wtf you doing over by the cars" pointing in the direction of my house"
he says "nothing F*** off!"
I say "You come here again and I'll smash your face in"
He says "F*** you" and quickly walks away... cake in hand.

I didn't want to hurt him because I didnt' want him to torch my house or car. I told my friends later and they said I should have called the cops. I will next time. When I see the cruiser pull around the corner, I'll run and tackle the kid so he doesn't run away.


lol cake.
the house at the bottom of my roads always been broken into, cos they leave their big ass tv on show. the first time, th burglars got away before anyone noticed. then a neighbour saw the open door and called the police and a few other neighbours (the owners were away). we were all standing around chatting when the theives came BACK (?????) we didnt know it was them, but they were acting real suspicious like, so me and another guy walked over to them. they cursed and ran off, we gave chase (squats really help with sprinting!) but they go in a car and drove off.


Wow, best story I can come up with: maybe 3 years ago now, a guy tried to get into our house at like 11 at night. He knocked on the door asking to use our phone. My dad figured it was one of my friends, since I hang out with a bunch of the neighborhood guys. Shortly after opening the main door (but not the screen door) the guy pulls a small gun on my dad and tells him to back the f up. As he is reaching to open the screen door, my dad slams the door in his face and yells real loud for me to call the police. He shot a couple shots, probably cuz he was pissed. One left a small bullet hole above our front door. Quick reaction time from my dad saved the day, I guess.


Okay... So Im driving home from school and about 500 ft away is a T stop with a light. I'm on the top of the T the part that goes straight and my light goes from red to green when I'm at like 300 feet away.

At about 200 ft a car that has to turn onto the straightaway begins to move and blast pass the light. Now this seems weird to me as I have the green light he should have the red. Now I start to honk, at the time a Cadillac Deville basically my horn was a boat horn, to make it known that I know full well what he is doing and I know its illegal. As we pass eachother I point in a "Hey good move, I see what you did there" manner, I mean I live in Massachusetts where everyone drives like and asshole and if you have never blown a red light you have never have really lived.

So as I stop honking like like 5 ft from the light cosmic justice or karma or divine intervention or whatever you want to call it comes into play. And a cop from out of nowhere bags this guy that blasted through the red light. I like to say that my horn honking caused the cop to wake up and get the guy.


Back in college, I threw a surprise birthday party at my place for my best friends' girl. The guest list was pretty small, with just really close friends of ours; probably 20-25 people total was all, but one of our buddies brought a guy that we all knew to be a sketchball. Halfway through the night, the birthday girl's purse went missing. We just figured she was drunk and misplaced it, but when someone was outside taking a leak, they spotted it tossed into the weeds. Of course it was empty.

Everybody there knew what was up, and we cornered the guy and made him empty his pockets. The girl's credit cards and cash were in there, along with a bottle of my cologne and a couple other random things. I start wailing on the guy and a couple others join in. We ended up beating the guy up pretty badly, but the funniest part was we threw him in the back of a pickup and stripped him down and threw him down a hill about 5 miles from campus. Fucker got what he deserved. How you gonna come in to a party with free booze, food, & women and steal from the birthday girl? Karma is a bitch!


My buddy got blindsided by some dude outside of a bar in Buffalo a few years ago. I destroyed the guy's face and ended up spending 2 days in the clink. Ahhhh, justice.


And they say you can't have your cake and eat it too.


My buddies and I jacked up some Mexican guys trying to rape a girl in an alley. 2 guys held her against a wall while the 3rd tried to get her clothes off, while she struggled and cried her ass off. It was scary, but honestly those guys deserved it. I am the smallest by far among my buddies, and we tuned them up real nice.


Kudos to you my man.




In the 1980s I lived in the South End of Boston, over by City Hospital. One day when I was carrying my bike up the front stoop of the building these two guys approached and walked up the stairs. When the closest guy was about arms length away he said something to me. I didn't hear what he said because the train was going by. At that time the train still ran down Washington Street on elevated tracks. "What?!", I said.

"This is a thickup", he said. He had a lisp.

"Stick up huh? I'll show you a mother fucking stickup", I yelled as I hit him over the head with my Kryptonite bike lock.

I then chased the two clowns down the street. Eventually I called the cops. They came. I rode around the block and we saw the guys walking over by the old hospital burying grounds. The cops arrested them. I went to court. I testified. One of them got 3 to 5. I don't know what happened to the other one. They were junkies.


A while back, a friend of mine (livivng in London) was walking to his front door (the 'inner' one with small square panes of glass set in it) when a burglar smashed one of the panes ( 5" square) and put his arm through to let himself in. John (who was about 6ft 2in and 360lb) grabbed his arm, pulling it through, then rotated it around the broken glass lining that part of the door. As John says "You should've heard that Bastard squeal!" He never saw the burglar again!


Shot a few tires out after hit and run, with unstable tanks in the back of an S-10.


When I was about 17 I was working in a mall selling pretzels. I had a kiosk that was kind of out in the middle of everything. Then this one night there was a kid that was screaming and screaming bloody murder. I mean I heard kinds crying all the time, but this one was the worst I ever heard, and the reason why was because his mother was beating him and pulling his ears really hard.

I tried to look away. I really did, but it was no good. They finally walked past me. I could see the kids ear was bleeding a little and i got so mad I started to shake. The woman gave the bleeding ear another hard tug, and I more or less took leave of my senses. before I even knew what i was doing I picked up a metal napkin dispenser and cold hummed that bad boy right at the bitches head. I was still realizing what I had done when I heard a loud KLANK. I took about one and a half seconds to watch the woman go down, and then I walked out into the crowd. I made my way to the upper floor to look from above and see how things went down. The woman and kid were gone. I found the napkin dispenser on the floor, and no one ever said anything to me about it. I don't know if that was justice but I believe I did the right thing.


One time I went camping all by myself. I was out in the middle of the woods when I heard a bunch of girls screaming. I ran toward the screaming and I saw 3 really big grizzly bears tearing the girls campsite up. I raced over there and drop-kicked one of the bears in the face, he went out like a light. I turned around to see one of the other bears charging at me. I stood my ground, backed up, then landed a haymaker right to the bear's chin. He was stunned for a few seconds, so I picked him up and suplexed him on a rock. He was out like a light. The last bear wasn't that big, so I shot in for the takedown, rear naked choke, and finished him off with a ground and pound. Now I have a blanket made out of bear skin.

Another time I was scuba diving off the coast of Mexico, all by myself. There were some rookie scuba divers about 100 yards from me, when I noticed a pack of 4 Great White sharks approaching them. I swam over there as quickly as I could. The rookies saw the sharks and started screaming and flailing about, I knew this wasn't going to be easy. The first shark saw me swimming toward them, and tried to sneak around behind me. I spun around just in time to catch him with an uppercut that sent him flying out of the water about 50 yards back. When he landed, he quickly swam off. The other three tried to surround me, I managed to swim behind one of them, grab his tail, and spin him around using him as a club to fight off the other two sharks. I was swinging the one-ton shark over my head like a basball bat, clubbing the other two sharks into submission. I let the shark go, shot in for the takedown, rear naked choke, then ground and pound. I ate shark stew that night.... It was pretty fucking good.

Another time I rescued the neighbor kid's cat from a tree. True story.


yeah, but chuck norris would have just stared the bears down


So, shooting out tires, how did that work out for you? Tell more of the story.


That was not the right thing to do. Im sure the bitch kept on abusing the kid, you shoulda called the cops and had them take her away.


Warning- Long post
Probably not what you had in mind since I did this for a living.

Another Officer and I received an alarm call around midnight, one year in late December. We arrived on scene and checked the perimeter of the building. Everything was secure and no vehicle or individuals there. The alarm company, which monitors for sound as well, had heard something and we were contacted and sent. This was a large pole barn type building and makes noise in wind, which was present. We advised dispatch that the building appeared secure and to contact the owner. we were advised the owner was enroute, ETA 15-20 minutes. We were waiting on the parking lot and a third officer arrived. Dispatch advised that the alarm company called back and was still hearing something, possibly on the roof.

One officer exited her vehicle and began rechecking the perimeter and the other officer and I peeled out to the street and shined our spotlights on the roof. No one was visible and the perimeter was secure, no ladders etc. The owner arrived and the officer that was assigned with me went inside to check the business, while the owner reset the alarm. I was checking the south door, when the other Officer called me to come to the middle of the store. She pointed up. About dead center of the tore was a hole and some insulation hanging down. we then heard a voice and saw a hand com through the hole. Our portable radios were very poor at the time and I had to go back outside to advise the other officer and dispatch.

Two other officers were dispatched and I went around the north end of the building, while The other Officer stayed out front. I didn't see anyone or a way to the roof, so I took a position on the southeast corner of the building. Another officer was on the northeast, one out front and one still inside. The officer inside hollered at the subject on the roof and heard foot step headed towards the front lot. He then went back to the hole and began working again. When he stuck his head through the hole, he saw an Officer pointing a gun at him. He then ran towards the back of the building. I heard him coming and saw a pair of legs hang over the edge of the guttering. It would have been about 20 feet to the ground.

I ran up and pointing my .357 (at the time) at him, hollered common on down. He pulled his legs back up and ran up the roof. Looking and the back wall of the building in the middle, I saw some went pipes and a large water-main valve. I holstered and began to climb towards the roof. No radio meant no one was advised of what I was doing. I felt along the edge of the gutter thinking I didn't know which would hurt worse, getting my head punted like a football or the fall to the ground. Since my finger were stepped on, I peeked over the edge and didn't see anyone. I pulled myself onto the roof and re-drew my weapon. I moved towards the only cover on the roof, air conditioner units.

I heard him coming back my direction. He came over the roof ridge, headed toward the north end of the building. With his back to me, I hollered for him to stop. He did. I advised him to put his hands up over his head and drop down to his knees. He did. I advised him to lay down, with his arms and legs spread out. He did, except he was laying on his left hand. I advised him to slowly pull his left hand out. Nothing. I began angling towards his feet, still the only Officer on the roof. I grabbed his left arm, while placing the tip of my barrel on his temple. When I tried to pull his arm out, he rolled his bodyweight over it.

Finally another Officer figured out how to get on the roof. He provided cover, while I holstered and used both hands to pull out his arm. Several Officers had gathered on the ground on the north end of the building, which I was about 3 feet away from. When I pulled his arm, I saw the barrel of a gun. he had pulled it out of the front of his pants while moving to the prone position. I holler "Shit Frank, he's got a gun". I heard a shotgun rack a round in, and frank hollered back, "throw that mother-fucker off the roof, I'll shoot him on the way down". Instead, I struck him in the back of the head with my mag-light (no, he wasn't busted open", but did knock him out and the pistol slid up the roof.

I hand cuffed him, then called dispatch to call out the Fire Department with a ladder truck to get the three of us off the roof. Turns out the wind kept him from hearing us. He was on the opposite side of the roof, from our spotlight check and did not know we were there. He had came to town, dropped off drugs, and was going to break in, steal some guns and head back to Michigan.


Maybe your right. I didn't think things through at the time.
I just maxed out on the rage factor. It was like on Gomer Pyle when Sargent Carter turns beet red and that vein stands out on his forehead and he looks like he's about to have an aneurysm. That was how mad I got.
Of course calling the popo would have been the LEGAL thing to do. I know it would have ruined my life if the woman or anybody around had identified me so your point is totally valid dude.

But sometimes... for certain kinds of crimes jail just doesn't seem good enough, you know what I mean?
Does she deserve prison? WOMEN'S prison? or think about maniacs like Casey Anthony. Or that motherfucker that smothered her kid to death on a playground and then buried him in the sandbox. Is jail good enough? Is that really justice for an innocent child that suffered?
Is it sometimes necessary to sacrifice our own humanity for justices sake? Sometimes i really think so. I think serial rapists, pedaphiles, and child molesters and abusers should all be tortured to death. When you see the devastation these people create in their victim's lives, you can't help but feel that way.