I'm not even sure how to say this without sounding like a giant pussy, but i'll just go ahead and try..
For a while now, i've been having a bit of a problem.. I don't really like my personality. Im considered by most people to be extremely nice and pretty easy to get along with, which are really cool, and I like that about myself, but I don't consider myself to have many of the qualities that most, and I, would consider "manly".
First of all, i'm not very self confident at all. I used to be pretty fat, and am in the process of still getting rid of more, and even though everyone tells me im not fat at all, I still have what I might call "self image problems", and still think of myself as overweight despite what people tell me and what I tell myself.
Another group of issues I have myself is that I have a LOT of trouble with being assertive or confrontational. dont know what it is, but anytime anyone challenges something I say or something like that I tend to back down out of nervousness or fear. What of? I dont really know, but liek I said, anytime im challenged or someoine tells me im wrong or anything like that, I just freak out (not violently, if you hadnt caught that yet =P).
I also seem to be too friendly with people I think.. even when someones messing with me, whether it be serious or just ribbing me, I just try to avoid it and kind of smile/laugh out of.. again, nervousness or fear, or something like that.
Im not saying here I wish I was violent or anything, I just with I was a little more "badass" nd, well, "manly". It really sucks because ive been trying hard to be more like how I want, but its extremely hard to change from being a pussy to.. uh.. not a pussy. Over the course of the last few months its actually been making me pretty depressed.
Now im not looking for attention or someone to tell me "Its all going to be okay!" or pulling depression out to get pity. Sorry I know this was probably kind of long and I appreciate anyone reading it.. any of you guys got some "pointers" or words of wisdom? I dont even know what im trying to get from this post.. its gotta be one of the worst wored posts ive had..