T Nation

Seeking Some Life Advice


#1

First off I want to say that I have been lurking this website for awhile so I'm not necessarily "new" to the site but I am new to posting and this is my first post and I'm looking for some advice.

I'm 21 and have been overweight for awhile, I'm 6'1 and weigh about 240, a lot of that is fat. I have always been lazy and have wanted to change my eating habits and my life for a long time but have never found the motivation to actually do it. I feel addicted to shitty food, like hamburgers and shit. It doesn't help that I work at a fast food restaurant and have free breaks to eat all the shitty hamburgers and drink the sugary soft drinks that I want. I'm not sure if any of you have ever been that "chubby" or "fat" guy but if you have then you know where I'm at socially too. Never get with the ladies and always "somewhat" of an outcast in your group of friends.

My next issue that is leading me into a downward spiral is I don't know what I want to do with my life. I took time off from college for a year, and in December it will be a year and a half. I don't know what kind of career I want, I just know that I like to be of service and talk to people. I've always been told to "go to school" and get a "career" but it really hit me one day that I have no idea what that is so I took a year off and didn't really accomplish anything but saving up some cash.

That's really all I have, I appreciate any advice you guys can give me, I also look forward to posting here and learning about fitness/bodybuilding.

KD


#2

[quote]KD0 wrote:
First off I want to say that I have been lurking this website for awhile so I’m not necessarily “new” to the site but I am new to posting and this is my first post and I’m looking for some advice.

I’m 21 and have been overweight for awhile, I’m 6’1 and weigh about 240, a lot of that is fat. I have always been lazy and have wanted to change my eating habits and my life for a long time but have never found the motivation to actually do it. I feel addicted to shitty food, like hamburgers and shit. It doesn’t help that I work at a fast food restaurant and have free breaks to eat all the shitty hamburgers and drink the sugary soft drinks that I want. I’m not sure if any of you have ever been that “chubby” or “fat” guy but if you have then you know where I’m at socially too. Never get with the ladies and always “somewhat” of an outcast in your group of friends.

My next issue that is leading me into a downward spiral is I don’t know what I want to do with my life. I took time off from college for a year, and in December it will be a year and a half. I don’t know what kind of career I want, I just know that I like to be of service and talk to people. I’ve always been told to “go to school” and get a “career” but it really hit me one day that I have no idea what that is so I took a year off and didn’t really accomplish anything but saving up some cash.

That’s really all I have, I appreciate any advice you guys can give me, I also look forward to posting here and learning about fitness/bodybuilding.

KD[/quote]

I don’t know how to help with the career thing but I can give you some on the exercise and diet thing.

First thing I say is do not be scared of anything related to exercise because it is all fun. That’s the best word I can think of to describe exercise in the sense of things in life going in a “good” column and a "bad’ column sort of thing.

There’s a reason why there are dozens of magazines and hundreds of web sites devoted to exercise and that’s because it is a hobby people enjoy. You just may be seeing yourself as an outsider and that the insiders are all elite, iron willed giants like myself but it’s best to look at it like some movie everyone tells you is great but you don’t really care to see and think it will bore you…then you happen to see it and you’re converted and understand why it’s seen as a great movie. Exercise is just like that. It feels so good.

The diet is a thing many guys struggle with as we’ll put in lots of wonderful effort in the gym, then feel like we earned the right to gorge on pizza and beer.
This is another one where once you turn the corner and change and get a plan going, you’ll feel like sticking with it and enjoy seeing the food as a fuel…though having a “cheat” meal on Saturday night is something to look forward too and if you cheat once a week you’ll be surprised how fast the next Saturday night rolls around again.

It’s great that you’re 21 because if you’re anything like me at that age you should lose fat and gain muscle relatively easily. Being only 24 is good too. You’ll probably be in great shape by next Monday.


#3

[quote]KD0 wrote:
I have always been lazy and have wanted to change my eating habits and my life for a long time but have never found the motivation to actually do it.
KD[/quote]

100% of your issues, lie in this sentence.

Are you afraid?
Have you found comfort in your “place” or your “lot in life”?
Do you find it easier to just do the things you loath about yourself, and almost enjoy loathing yourself?

(If any of those answers are “yes” you should check with a competent doctor that you aren’t depressed, btw.)

If those answers are a resounding no, then you just need to get going and it will snow ball. Personally I got a lot of motivation by beating people, being better than them, or otherwise just being a better person. But I’m sort of a competitive guy, so… I’d pick someone I hated (like my father at your age) and would do absolutely everything in my power to be a bigger, better, stronger, faster, smarter, richer man than he was… That alone got me through school, a damn good career and a sweet wife and kids…

If you aren’t competitive, do it for the pussy. As shallow as that sounds, it works. I mean, doing it for yourself doesn’t seem to have the gruff to kick you in the ass hard enough to get up off it, so maybe do it for the chicks man. Read more, diversify your interests, know enough “celebrity gossip” to not be a social outcast, but be above that fucking drivel.

Whatever you do, find something, an idea, a hobby, whatever, can be big or small, latch on to it, and get fucking good at it. (Preferable it is a social hobby and not Xbox, where you sit in your room all night.) Then lower your standards and go and try and have some fun.

Be sure your hygiene is on point 110% of the time. Don’t nee dot be dressed up all metro, but son you need ot smell good, and look presentable at all times. No skank breath, no “my cloths smell like a locker room” bullshit.

Simple shit like keeping your living space clean and orderly can do wonders for your mental perspective of the world.


#4

trade school. /thread


#5

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]KD0 wrote:

[ do it for the pussy.

[/quote]

words to live by.

mf


#6

[quote]KD0 wrote:
First off I want to say that I have been lurking this website for awhile so I’m not necessarily “new” to the site but I am new to posting and this is my first post and I’m looking for some advice.

I’m 21 and have been overweight for awhile, I’m 6’1 and weigh about 240, a lot of that is fat. I have always been lazy and have wanted to change my eating habits and my life for a long time but have never found the motivation to actually do it. I feel addicted to shitty food, like hamburgers and shit. It doesn’t help that I work at a fast food restaurant and have free breaks to eat all the shitty hamburgers and drink the sugary soft drinks that I want. I’m not sure if any of you have ever been that “chubby” or “fat” guy but if you have then you know where I’m at socially too. Never get with the ladies and always “somewhat” of an outcast in your group of friends.

[/quote]

You’ve come to the right place. T-Nation has a wealth of information and people who will help you. To put it simply, losing fat is easy once you know what you’re doing. Once you get your diet down pat you’ll feel much better and have more energy. I love eating clean and never for a moment want to cheat because bad food makes me feel like shit.

There’s a number of options - you could go for rapid fat loss with v-diet or something similar. Personally I found just speeding up my metabolism and eating clean works remarkably well. 6 small meals a day will get your metabolism rolling. Slow carbs in the morning / pre-workout then no carbs for the rest of the day except for veges(no white potato). Lots of quality protein(casein protein shakes, chicken breast, salmon, tuna, egg whites etc). Good fats, some fish oil and flaxseed oil capsules. That’s all there is to it really and you’ll want to count how many calories you’re eating and try to get macro ratios(percentage of carbs, fats, protein) where they should be. Fat will melt away and as an untrained beginner you’ll be able to rapidly build lean mass at the same time. Spend some time reading up on nutrition and find a good workout program. 5/3/1 is pretty popular but anything based around squat/deadlift. To be honest I didn’t really do cardio and still slack off on cardio but get good results. Not recommending that but that has been my experience. Good luck.


#7

[quote]countingbeans wrote:
If you aren’t competitive, do it for the pussy.
[/quote]

This is what got me into working out in the first place


#8

Try tackling one small change at a time. It’s easier to accumulate small changes than to go all out for a massive overhaul of how you live.

For example, don’t have any sugary soft drinks at work for the next week.


#9

I felt similar to you when I was your age in terms of motivation and feeling like I didn’t know what I wanted to do in life. You say you want to be of service, man, there’s no better way to find yourself, figure out what it is you want to do in life AND be of service and meet in new people than by joining the military.

Sign up for 4 years, when you get out you’ll be fit, you’ll have transferable life experience, and when you separate with your Honorable discharge (can’t stress this enough, DO NOT FUCK UP in the military … receiving an Honorable discharge, if you don’t choose to stay in and go career, will at the very least get your resume looked at by most employers once you’re out in the working world) you’ll be 25-26. Plus you’ll have earned your GI Bill which will pay 100% tuition to any in-state public school of your choosing - PLENTY of great schools man. Plus you’ll be older, fit, and the ladies will think you’re secksay!

I spent my time serving this great country, as did many other posters here, who I’m sure can attest to helping them get their shit together, like it did me, and when I separated, I got my degree with 0 student debt, I have a great job and am gearing up to go back for a masters in statistics (because I found what I wanted to do IN THE MILITARY). Disclaimer, I joined the Air Force which is a little more work-life balance friendly than other branches, from what I understand. We also had sweet accommodations around the world, especially compared to other branches.

Bottom line, you’re asking the right questions and seeking out ways to improve yourself. Explore ALL your options and don’t settle for just one avenue (school over work over gym, etc). Become a well rounded individual with a multitude of interests … you’ll be better informed and more interesting to a more diverse group of people. Also, and this is key, is no matter your decision, you must DO DO DO. Keep doing and trying and doing. Plan and execute execute execute. If you fail, reexamine then get back at whatever it is.


#10

I’ll echo a bit of what beans said. There is nothing wrong with going to a professional if you feel you are depressed. Depression is a real thing and can make getting started very challenging.

If you don’t feel the issue is depression, there are many fitness coaches and life coaches out there that can help you figure out your goals and get you started. Sometimes it can be challenging to figure it all out on your own and it’s easier to have a coach who can break down your long term goals into short term behaviour actions. I’m a big fan of Precision Nutrition coaching and if thats the direction you want to go.

I don’t think you’ll find 100% of the answers in one thread and there will always be some growing pains so it can help to have a guy who has done it before working through it with you as you make progress. That can come from doing a log on a forum site with no official support but a strong community (ie here), real life friends who have gone on the journey and want to help, or a fitness/life coach who does it for a living. Also, if you want to do it “for the pussy” then find a coach who can help you become the best version of yourself, which will automatically bring confidence and pussy into your life.


#11

"How to Get Better at Anything

How to Turn Small Habits into Big Successes

by Dan John | 06/19/15 "

Read this a great article!


#12

If there’s any one thing that I can stress to you that hasn’t been mentioned, yet (that I saw) it’s that you must be in it for the long haul.

Results will not come overnight and don’t get discouraged when they don’t. Keep at it and over time you’ll start to see it and that will make you want to continue. Patience and consistency are key.

Fortunately, you’ll see a lot of results quickly in the weight room once you get started, but when I say quickly I mean in a matter of weeks (for beginners) instead of months or even years for people who are more advanced. Many people hit the gym for like a week and get discouraged enough to quit before they’re really getting started at all. They expect to add 2 inches to their arms and lose 30 pounds within a week or 2 of work and unforunately, it doesn’t work that way.

If you can understand this one concept and grow some patience and be willing to stick with it and adjust accordingingly as time goes on, then you’ll be more mentally ready than a large amount of the people around you and it will show. Just not immediately. Which is fine, because the most rewarding things in life are achieved over time. Just as quickly as you attain something, that’s how quickly it can be gone.

May I suggest, assuming you go back to school (which I’d say you should if you’re close to finishing, but weigh your options), taking a weight training class and a nutrition class. For the weight training class, you’ll be forced to adopt the habits as part of a class you’re taking. The first time I started lifting regularly was in college because of a class, myself. It started the habit, which I continued on with long after that semester was over. Or join the military like Polo said, by the time you get out the problems you listed above will be taken care of.


#13

Thanks for the replies guys, it means a lot that you’re willing to help a stranger. I’m not going to bother quoting everyone but I’m going to reply to the “broad” range of responses you guys gave me!

I have always had an interest in the military, but I’m not sure if I’m ready for the commitment even if it is the “right” thing I should do now. I don’t remember if I mentioned in my OP but I have 2 years under my belt and an associates degree as of now, so about half way done. But then again, I don’t know what I want to major in. I know I want to be able “to be of service” in some way or form like I said before, I wouldn’t say I get tired of mundane and routine tasks because I’m usually very good at anything I do if I put in enough practice. I like seeing results when it comes to work and life. I want to finish up college but I also don’t want to take on that loan debt that plagues many young people in this country. I’ve tried computer science classes but I don’t think I’m very interested, that or it was the “depression” talking to me.

I’m not sure if trade school is where I want to head either, if I had to rank my options it would be 1. College/Military 2. Trade School because trade jobs in the U.S. depend heavily on the economy, on the national and local scale and at times it’s hard to find work. A lot of men in my family have been tradesman and have always done “well” for themselves but none necessarily “recommend” doing trades.


#14

Well I tried. Look kid, you don’t want to aspire to serve people. Most people are pretty shitty and will shit all over you. Trust me.


#15

#16

It sounds like you’re having difficulty making the decision and may be focusing too much on all the cons of every route you could take.

There will be pros and cons for anything you choose to do. Just weigh your options and go with it. Man up and pick something, not to say that you shouldn’t put a lot of thought into it. Draw a line and once you’ve crossed that line go with whatever you’re feeling in your gut after you’ve put all the thought into it. Eventually you’ll reach a point of diminishing returns and there will be no reason to continue putting so much thought into it. By then you’ll already know what you want/have to do and you’re just stalling and/or are in denial about it.

Consult with close family and friends, as well. They know you well and will be able to give you insight with that knowledge more than we could here.

You’re young, so if you come to realize you made a bad choice you can decide to make a switch a little down the road and you’ll probably still be very young. This is a big part of life and something you should embrace rather than be so worried about. There will be times when a change is called for or even forced on you. So if you can get accustomed to rolling with it now, then you’ll be better for it when it happens again (which it will).

Keep in mind that the people around you who seem to be emracing it and rolling with it so easily are probably just as afraid of it on the inside as you are, that’s how change works. They’re just not letting that fear stop them from moving forward. They’re embracing it in the hopes that they’ll be better for it.

Also, don’t regret your choices down the road. Just learn from them and keep moving forward.


#17

[quote]TDub301 wrote:

Also, don’t regret your choices down the road. Just learn from them and keep moving forward.[/quote]

Unless you do heroin, meth or catch herpes… Then regret that shit.


#18

OP: Are you having regular sex with an attractive woman? If she’s fat she’s not attractive.

If the answer is no then that should be your motivation.


#19

[quote]countingbeans wrote:

[quote]TDub301 wrote:

Also, don’t regret your choices down the road. Just learn from them and keep moving forward.[/quote]

Unless you do heroin, meth or catch herpes… Then regret that shit.
[/quote]

Haha, well there’s exceptions to everything


#20

I meant serve like help people I guess, but there are plenty of ways to do that, you’re right. People are shitty.