T Nation

See, just like I said!

Hi guys. A couple of months ago, I won the Dog Pound with my entry on what keeps people motivated to exercise and eat right. (Issue #111) I’m not bragging, I just wanted to relate what happened to my family last weekend while fishing.

You see, my the point that I made in the contest was that even though there are many reasons people workout, for me it was not so much the buff-daddy part of it, but being fit and able for my family - you know, run with my kids, have the strength and energy to maintain my house and yes, be able to kick ass to defend them, if need be. Don’t get me wrong, I am one of the most non-violent people you will ever meet. The problem is not everyone is like me, so it helps to be in good condition.

Back to the story. Me, my wife and two of my three kids were fishing from a river bank in Maryland. We stayed out later than usually and the sun was almost down. Our position on the bank was isolated and a dead-end. We had to leave using the route we came in on. There was no other.

My wife spied a large racoon out of the corner of her eye. She “calmly” ran behind me grabbing the kids on the way. The animal began to rifle through my tackle box, backpack and buckets looking for food. It even chewed on some rags we had for wiping our hands. As we were trapped by a bridge support to our rear the racoon began advancing on us. ( Can you say rabies shots for me?) Fortunately, it didn’t come to that. I threw some sticks at it, but it did not faze it in the least - it kept coming. When it was four feet from me, I picked up a six foot log and swung with considerable force; that was enough to send it five or six feet into the river.

We quickly gathered our stuff and left. The racoon was fortunately not seriously hurt, as it swam off with no hesitation. (I hated hitting it, but my family is more important).

Now many of you are hunters or trappers or just general bad-asses and you think me a wuss or punk or whatever. And I am not saying that this was a super-human or super-brave thing I did. My point is that I was able, physically, to do what needed to be done. I work with many people who could not defend their loved ones if pressed to.

If I was weak or fat and out-of-shape, I would have probably hurt myself or panicked and gotten someone else hurt, including the animal who was really in its own surroundings - we were the real intruders.

I guess what I’m trying to relate is that I stay in shape so I can think calmly in a bad situation, so I can shield my family with confidence and so I can swing that big stick when I have to. Hope you can relate. Peace . . . in the Middle East!!!

ALG

Clap, clap, clap. Way to go. Hehehe…hahahah. Laugh out loud!!

I am sorry, but that had to be the lamest story I have ever had the misfortune of hearing. Man you told the story like you had fought off a man eating tiger instead of a raccoon.

More people in the United States contract rabies from racoons than from any other animal. A full grown racoon is nothing to sneeze at. Good going man! Nick

Yeah, once I had to fight of a 6 month old kitten. Hey, don’t laugh they have claws and teeth. They’re nothing to sneeze at either. Thank god I had that bat.

ALG, congratulations on your triumph over the sinister nocturnal scavenger. It leads me to recall the time when I was a summer camp counselor and a crazed squirrel got into my cabin. I made for the door but it pursued and jumped up on a bed right next to it. The little bugger then preceeded to make weird hissing noises at me. I decided not to move, lest the rabid creature pounce. While keeping my gaze looked on the lethal pest’s beady eyes I felt around the ground with my right foot. Aha! Left out of its case and on the floor as usual was Andy’s Wilson Hyper-Hammer Widehead (damn rich kids). Just as Arnold did in “True Lies” I wedged my foot under the weapon and then flipped it into my hand. With a powerful overhead slam that would have made Agassi proud, I bore the racket down on the furry menace.

Andy was not too happy about the bloody racket, or the woodland creature essentually laminated into his bedspread. Now though, years later, I’m sure Andy and his fellow compadres of Bear Lodge can fully appreciate the good fortune they had in having a fearless, resourcefull and brave Tennis player (me) on hand to protect their promising futures as investment bankers and corporate litigation specialists.

ALG, we have stared into the eyes of the sinister rodent. We have fought the sinister rodent. We have defeated the sinister rodent. We share an eternal brotherhood and bond that few men will ever understand. To all: stay strong and keep the lids on your outdoor trash cans.

To WUPASS:

Hey man, don’t be sorry, no one likes sorry people! And by the way, it may sound lame, but that’s what happened.

Consider this. A raccoon you CAN fight off - A tiger will just kill you or eat your arm (remember the news a few weeks ago?) Anyway like I said, the point wasn’t that I did somethiing great, the point was that there are practical reasons for being fit, not just to look at yourself in the mirror. Anyway your response was funny and welcome. Later.
ALG

Did you fight off a racoon or a grizzly bear??? Get serious.

Hey alg. Don’t let wupass get you down. The only thing he has probably ever whooped up on was a one eyed snake. And he probably lost. The best thing is that you didn’t touch it with your hands. If a raccoon or any other none domestic animal approaches you its probably sick or really hungry. Don’t feel bad about hitting it with a stick. You never know you may have saved someone else from having to do it. I have had to whoop ass on a pit bull more then once and I’d rather have the raccoon at least he is small enough to beat off with a stick.

I’ve had to chase hungry racoons away a couple of times as we live in a rural area, judging from scratches they’ve left trying to climb in my truck or hearing them fighting a coyote I’d say you or someone in your family definitely would have wound up with some stiches at least, if you hadnt SammySosad the little bastard,anybody that doesnt appreciate your story has probably not confronted one to eye.Maybe its not a bear but what the hell I bet your family was relieved.