T Nation

Seagal's Lightning Bolt Energy Drink

I guess they will sell anything these days.

quoting from their website

“The name Lightning Bolt was an inevitable afterthought. When Steven Seagal finished creating a drink that holds untold natural power, there was only one equivalent in nature- The Lightning Bolt. Both mysterious and powerful, it is a symbol of the untold energy the earth has to offer- Such is Steven Seagals Lighting Bolt energy drink”

LOL!

I actually looked it up thinking it would be a bunch of crap. I was pleasantly surprised not to find HFCS and large amounts of sugar and or other said crap listed as ingredients. However, the website claims it is:

“100% Pure Steven Seagal Juice”

Umm…ewwww.

However, the website claims it is:

“100% Pure Steven Seagal Juice”

Umm…ewwww. [/quote]

Hahahaha! Yea, deffinately eeewww…

Does it make you want to make shitty movies and always wear a jacket to hide your ever increaing girth?

With a constant constipated expression?

Yep. It does make me want to do that.

When I was younger I liked his earlier movies like ‘hard to kill’ and ‘out for justice’, but all the ones in the past 5 or so years have sucked.
Seems like he didn’t know when to quit. He and his movies are getting old.

Don’t know if the link will work but it’s amazon.com’s page for Steven Seagal’s album. Read the review on the bottom. It’s in the form of a letter.

Holy shit, just read every review there for his album it’s the funniest stuff ever.

Hah ha ha! I really liked his films…back in the day when he weighed 100lbs less and actually did his own fights.

Check out the reviews for Today You Die if you’re in need of some more amusement:

Where did you go wrong, Stevie? Did Kelly do this to you? Tell me, Stevie…

[quote]NNNNate wrote:
Holy shit, just read every review there for his album it’s the funniest stuff ever.[/quote]

This one was a fave of mine:

“I must say, after several listens in the comforts of my mom’s basement and while drinking unsweetened grape Kool Aid from a goblet I made for a lady friend who didn’t want it nor me, this album makes The Beatles look like The Monkees. Mr. Seagal, who is able to hit the high notes as if he was eunuch, really made me yorn for the days of when The Torkelsons was still on tv. This man needs to go on tour sharing his gift like Tom Cruise shares herpes. Bravo, ol’ chap. Bravo.”

Beautiful.

[quote]gojira wrote:
Does it make you want to make shitty movies and always wear a jacket to hide your ever increaing girth?[/quote]

No, but it does make you grow a ponytail.

Every person that reviewed the cd on Amazon seems to mention Seagal having AIDS. I was not aware of that fact.

Seagal may be a fat fart today, but back in the day I trained with his number one student (Larry Reynosa) and that dude was freaky scary. He is like 5’9" and 185lbs and these 6’4" 250lb guys were going all out on him and the dude just beat the crap out of them. Threw them around like they were nothing.

Then, and this is the point, Reynosa stated that he was totally scared of Seagal because he was much better, faster, etc than he. Now that is some scary ass stuff.

[quote]Lorisco wrote:
Seagal may be a fat fart today, but back in the day I trained with his number one student (Larry Reynosa) and that dude was freaky scary. He is like 5’9" and 185lbs and these 6’4" 250lb guys were going all out on him and the dude just beat the crap out of them. Threw them around like they were nothing.

Then, and this is the point, Reynosa stated that he was totally scared of Seagal because he was much better, faster, etc than he. Now that is some scary ass stuff.
[/quote]

Aikido at it`s best. Or some very close martial arts with the same defensive spirit.

Seagal was the first westener to be chief instructor of a dojo in Japan, so that should say something about his Aikido abilities. The dojo did belong to his japanese wife’s parents, but still.

He has several schools around California which his students operate for him. He trains with his senior students in his home.

I’m still not buying Seagul Juice, though.