T Nation

Sarah Palin Jokes

I found these jokes quite funny and wanted to share them with you all.

“John McCain’s VP pick is the governor of Alaska, a unknown hockey mom named Sarah Palin that no one ever heard of. The only other job she had in politics was the mayor of a small town known as Wasilla, Alaska, and now she has the opportunity to be on a ticket opposite of Barack Obama, the first black man she’s ever seen.” �??Bill Maher

“This isn’t a presidential ticket, this is a sitcom. The maverick and the MILF.” �??Bill Maher

“She’s not bad looking. She looks like one of those women in the Van Halen videos who takes off her glasses, shakes out her hair, and then all of a sudden, she’s in high heels and a bikini. All of a sudden, I am FOR drilling in Alaska.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Are you kidding me, the mayor of Wasilla, Alaska? Yeah, that�??s who you want in the White House during a time of crisis. When she got a phone call at 3 in the morning, it was because a moose had gotten in the garbage can.” --Bill Maher

“They’re selling Sarah Palin action figures online. I don’t know where they get the outfits for these, but she looks like the sluttiest librarian of all time. Sad incident at Toys ‘R’ Us today – a Sarah Palin doll shot My Little Pony.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Because of Sarah Palin, people are now asking the question: Is she ready to be president? If, God forbid, something happens to John McCain, is Sarah Palin ready to be president? I don’t think we need to worry about that, because Bush has lowered the bar so tremendously.” --David Letterman

“I kind of like that Sarah Palin. You know, she reminds me, she looks like the flight attendant who won’t give you a second can of Pepsi. No, you’ve had enough. We’re landing. Looks like the waitress at the coffee shop who draws a little smiley face on your check. Have a nice day.” --David Letterman

“Of course, now everyone’s digging into Sarah Palin’s past. There’s an old picture of Sarah Palin circulating on the internet right now, and she’s wearing a t-shirt that says, ‘I may be broke, but I’m not flat-busted.’ Yeah, John McCain was upset when he heard this and asked, ‘What’s the internet?’” --Conan O’Brien

“The Wall Street Journal said today Democrats are sending an army of lawyers and investigators up to Alaska to look into the background of Sarah Palin. And of course, John McCain is furious. He said, ‘Hey, if I didn’t look into her background, there’s no reason you should be looking into her background.’” --Jay Leno

“Experts say – this is interesting – that since Sarah Palin became the vice presidential nominee, there’s been an actual spike in the sales of her style of eyeglasses. Gone way up. Yeah. Yeah, with Palin’s glasses, you’ll be able to see everything, except what the hell your teenage daughter’s up to.” --Conan O’Brien

“Dick Cheney told reporters this week, there’s no reason why Sarah Palin cannot be a successful vice president in the McCain administration. In fact, not only can she shoot a lawyer in the face, she can field dress him as well.” --Jay Leno

“And the big guns are out. The Democrats have sent Hillary to Florida to go after Sarah Palin. So, that makes two Clintons trying to nail her now.” --Jay Leno

“Oprah Winfrey’s in the middle of a big scandal, because she is refusing to have Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin on her show. The friction started because Palin said if she’s elected, she’ll be the most powerful woman in the country. And Oprah said, ‘The hell you will!’” -Conan O’Brien

“Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is out on the campaign trail. Today, she attended a rally in Wisconsin. The Alaska Governor said she was thrilled to visit Wisconsin because she’s never been to the Deep South.” -Conan O’Brien

“And how are you going to be the vice president of the United States with five kids to take care of? She’s got a four-month-old of her own, she’s about to become a grandmother, and she’s partnered with John McCain. How many diapers can one woman possibly change?” --Jimmy Kimmel

“How many of you folks saw that last night, the Vice President, Republican Sarah Palin? Whoa, man, I like that Sarah Palin �?? looks like the weekend anchor on Channel 9. She looks like the hygienist who makes you feel guilty about not flossing. She looks like the relieved mom in a Tide commercial.” --David Letterman

“All the Republicans are heaping praise on Governor Palin. Fred Thompson said, as an actor, he could see them making a movie about Sarah Palin and her family. Didn’t they already make that movie? I think it was called ‘Knocked Up.’” --Jay Leno

“She said at her church, Governor Palin, said she asked everyone to pray for a natural gas pipeline, which she said was God’s will. And today, God said, ‘Hey lady, I don’t deal with oil companies. That’s more Satan’s area.’” --Jay Leno

“I guess there are some problems with Palin, though. Have you heard about this ‘Troopergate’ scandal? Palin allegedly�?�used her power as governor to pressure officials to fire her former brother-in-law from his state trooper job. Now, maybe I’m wrong, but wasn�??t that an episode of ‘Dukes of Hazzard?’” --Jay Leno

“Speaking of Sarah Palin, she said she’s a life-long member of the National Rifle Association. Which may explain why she’s in favor of shotgun weddings.” --Conan O’Brien

“Vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has many views. She says she’s opposed to same-sex marriage. Did you know that? Yeah, Palin says everyone knows marriage isn’t for gay people; it’s for pregnant teenagers.” --Conan O’Brien

“Oh, and all those Internet photos of Sarah Palin in a bikini holding a gun. But they are all photoshopped. Like those photos of Bill and Hillary dancing, all fake.” --Jay Leno

“You know, Sarah Palin, John McCain selected her to be the vice presidential running mate on the Republican ticket, and she’s also the governor of Alaska, and outdoors, like the outdoors, likes assault rifles, has a collection of rifles, likes to shoot assault rifles. I’ll say this for her daughter’s boyfriend: the kid’s got guts.” --David Letterman

“In her speech last night, Sarah Palin mocked Barack Obama for giving speeches in front of adoring crowds and standing in front of a stage backdrop. Ironically, Palin did so in front of an adoring crowd standing in front of a stage backdrop.” --Jay Leno

“The whole extended Palin family arrived this morning in St. Paul. They even brought the high-school kid who knocked her daughter up along. His name is Levi Johnston. That’s gotta be a fun trip for him with the in-laws.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Senator McCain met the Palins as they got off the plane and had especially warm greetings for the young father-to-be [Doctored video of McCain discreetly slipping Johnston a prophylactic] Better late than never, I guess.” --Jimmy Kimmel

“Governor Sarah Palin gave her speech tonight at the GOP Convention, and it gave people who didn’t know anything about her the chance to finally meet her, you know, like John McCain.” --Jay Leno

How many traditional, conservative women does it take to ruin a liberals life?

1

The shotgun wedding bit was quite funny.

So a racist marxist pastor, an unapologetic domestic terrorist, and the Democrat presidential nominee walk into a bar…

Oh, hell! Who needs a punchline with a start like that!