I’ve been reading posts on T-Nation since about 2007. I’m honestly not sure if I’ve ever posted anything on the site (I had to jump through hoops just to reactivate my account and track down my password, etc). I’m feeling compelled to post something, though, because I need SOMETHING. Here’s the story:
I used to be cool. I’ve been back “home” from Afghanistan for a little over a year now. It was my first deployment and the bottom line of that deployment is this; I used to be cool. I’d blow off steam every day by lifting for a minimum of one hour. I was deadlifting over 500, squatting a solid 405 for reps and my 1RM was 365 for bench. All the while, I was doing dismounted patrols for 1 to 10 hours a day, wearing full kit (about 45 lbs). Hell, I listened to “Dig Up Her Bones” by the Misfits every morning that I tossed on my plate carrier, donned my helmet, and grabbed my M4, all the while praying that today was the day that a battalion of Taliban would descend upon my platoon and be torn to pieces in the process. However, that never happened. Nope, I left Trashganistan a year ago and have since left my post as Platoon Leader.
I’m now a Company Executive Officer, meaning I’m chained to a desk. A typical day of wake up every morning at around 0400. I’m in to work by about 0445. If I’m lucky, I do PT for an hour (with the Army’s stretching/warm up procedures, it’s actually about 30 minutes of “real work”). Then I do paperwork and BS on my computer or in meetings until, if I’m lucky, about 1900. I go home and pray to God I have a beer in the house to maintain my sanity. I usually do, so I drink that plus about six more, then I pass out and wake up tired with cotton mouth for another bullshit day.
The bottom line is this: I used to be cool. When I got back from Afghanistan, I was 10 pounds lighter and a million times stronger (I was also better at math, so bear with me). I miss being deployed. I had purpose, I had motivation, and I wasn’t exposed to the crappy food/drink that I now consume regularly. Now, I just sit around and read this website, wondering how great it would be if I could actually WORK OUT! I’m going to Special Forces Assessment and Selection in about 6 months and honestly, I just want to be not-embarrassed. I don’t know how this happened. I have tits now, for Christ’s sake. (note: I’d love to do a demotivational B/A photo session, but let’s be honest, I’m so close to eliminating my own map that the embarrassment that would ensue would surely push me over the limit and my wife would find me dead in a freak auto-erotic-asphyxiation situation, which is the last thing either of us need)
Aaaaaand that’s my piece.