But that does not change what needs to be done. You can't stay at 188 and hope to magically build muscle out of nothing. However bad you may feel or how you have suffered in the past does not have any effect on the eventual outcome of your actions.
I told you that you can either bulk and accept the fat gain or cut and accept that you are going to look small and may not get stronger for some time. You have not been willing to make a decision for months. Instead, you are looking for new exercises, different splits and funny ways to make the muscle burn and all that shit instead of solving the actual problem.
In life, that is like waiting for a handout or praying to strike the lottery while staying financially stagnant despite wanting much more, instead of making objective decisions and the required sacrifices for your goals. It's how losers think. I grew up around these types of people. Your situation is different but the thought process is always the same. After nothing happens for too long, you start to want to bring others down to your level or use your problems in the past as an excuse instead of trying to advance yourself.
I think all of us here are willing to spend time helping you because we were impressed by the effort you displayed in your initial transformation. I personally do not think you are a loser nor do I doubt your conviction. It is your inability to man up and make a decision that's holding you back. Don't be a fucking Nancy.