T Nation

Rumble of the Fitness Icons


#1


Who do you think would win a no holds barred fitness icon cage match? Think about it.... an all out bloody grudge match for infomercial superiority!

The contenders are Tony Little, John Basedow, Body by Jake and Richard Simmons.

They could use signature moves, etc.
Discuss...


#2

Tony Little! He would handle them all easily if he's allowed to take whatever it is that he takes during his infomercials.


#3

John Basedow, i think he would get that old lady that is on his infomercials to come in and take care of them all.

Would not really matter though because chuck norris would come in to rep the total gym by bending the steal cage with the hairs of his beard and destroy everyone.


#4

LMAO!!!! This is......fucking true!


#5

With a flying kick that is somewhat gazelle -like?


#6

What about putting TC in the lineup?


#7

You mean meth amphatamine?


#8

My money is on Tony Little. And I sincerely hope that John Basedow dies a slow and painful death for all the agony he has caused me over the years. People watch his video, then come and hire me thinking they can actually make fitness simple, ie no work involved. John Basedow can burn for all I care.


#9

richard simmons all the way. remember when he slapped ole boy in the airport for poking fun? i don't even want to think about the severity of damage he could potentially inflict on a body by jake...yikes


#10

I don't know. I'm second guessing my first answer.

Jake looks like a scrapper, and he looks like he could handle business if he needed to.

It would definitly come down to Jake or Tony.

Tony Little would have to burn out faster than any other, though Richard Simmons would be crying in the corner like a little girl as soon as it started, so there's a chance he might be safe for a few rounds.

As soon as he gets on his high-horse and tries being tough, he'd get flattened by any one of them.

Maybe John and Richard will be consoling each other while Tony and Jake go at it.

I predict a marriage out of John and Richard, of course Richard would be the bride (bitch).


#11

bahaha, classic


#12

Simmons couldn't be in it. He'd be to busy running away. That would leave Jake, John, and Tony. Tony has that "back injury" and would sit on the sidelines while Jake and John duked it out. Then Tony would grab a shotgun and shoot the winner, shouting "I'm Tony Fucking Little! I win!"

Then Chuck Norris would show up and "give" him the "gift of beard", yelling manically "Juggernaut ain't got nothing on me, bitch!"


#13

The hell are you people thinking?!?!?!!

Richard Simmons would kick major ass in this.....sheeeeesh


#14

"I just saved hundreds of dollars on my car insurance by switching to Geico! Yeah baby!"

...

"You can do itttt!!"

Still one of my favorite commercials. Seeing Tony rock the Gazelle screaming for a split second at the end is hilarious.

It's Tony's Gazelle-like reflexes that make me believe he would take this battle.


#15

Fitness Celebrity John Basedow is the only one of them - perhaps the only person ever - to have earned the elusive and magnificent title of "Fitness Celebrity". Do you really want to fuck with that?

But Richard Simmons and Tony Little would win in a tie. Nobody wants to touch them, even with a fist, for fear of catching "gay".


#16

Well, Simmons, using some form of Fat Magic, could probably summon a force of sweaty lardasses, and have them all form a phalanx around him. He'd be invincible. When anyone tries to take the offensive, he will summon a dessert tray and then throw cheesecake on the others, dooming them to be swarmed, and then crushed to death under thousands of pounds of sweaty ass.


#17


Without a doubt, Richard Simmons. HE'S A DREAM MAKER.


#18

Hmmmm.. forgot about Chuck Norris. Yeah, but he'd have an unfair advantage. After all...he did fight Bruce Lee once....