T Nation

Rude Email

My oldest son plays on a soccer team that just finished their season. Of course EVERYONE has to get a tropy. Problem is 18 players and only 12 trophies. Luckily we have 6 1st place trophies from another season that we can change up the name plates on and hand out.

The other coaches (I’m one of 4) decided to hand out the 1st place trophies to the kids that were best offense, defense, all around, etc. and they wanted input from me on who I thought should be awarded these trophies.

I provided my input and then watched the Pittsburgh game. I try not to get too involved with the decision making process as 4 coaches is way too many and I don’t want to add to the clutter. I also coach 2 other teams all by myself so I don’t need the hassle of making these decisions.

When the game was over (4 hours later basically) I had like 15-20 emails with these clowns debating the merits of Johnny over Billy, etc…

So…I sent out an email saying, “Another option is to not give anyone a tropy”.

This seemed logical to me and was meant mostly in jest. We won one game all season and we kept stressing how the whole point was to learn more about soccer and have fun. So…who the fuck wants a trophy for winning only one game.

Anyway…about an hour later I got an email from one of the other coaches. The trophies are to be handed out at a party on Saturday. This is the email:

"You know what Sen? I so badly want to say “you win”, because I’m just done with it. It’s been a very loooong season of soccer. I would think that you would just go with me on this since I’ve been the main coach all season, but I can see that you are going to just be an ass. You’ll probably continue to be an ass on Saturday. You probably won’t let your kid enjoy it because it’s just
a stupid “Rec league” with a bunch of shitty teenagers right?

I’m not sure why… but hey… you got it. You win. You email the parents and tell them that we have nothing to give the kids. You come and get the CD with the pictures and get them printed for them and you organize the pizza
party. If you don’t want to do those things… piss off."

The 2 other coaches called him on this and said I was great, etc. I’ve been coaching with these guys for 8 years. I took a league that had about 50 kids and over 8 years grew it to over 500 kids.

Anyway, the coach that called me an ass in his email followed up with an epistle explaining we took it out of context and he didn’t mean any harm and that’s just how he talks.

What say you? Should I let it roll off, or take offense?

If you take offense, you are admitting that this person deserves to have control over your thinking.

Do you like him that much?

I’d get a trophy made saying #1 Jackass and mail it to him :smiley:

It’s just soccer, who cares?

No, seriously, the guy probably realizes now he was being an ass and is embarrassed, so I doubt you will hear any more from him. Personally, I usually just let things like that roll off.

I’d make a point the trophies are for encouragement for the coaches so they can feel like they made a difference.

True but if you let people get away with walking all over you and other people they will allways do it. Then again when I talk I use curse words all the time to. Who cares its soccer

[quote]hazarddude334 wrote:
True but if you let people get away with walking all over you and other people they will allways do it. Then again when I talk I use curse words all the time to. Who cares its soccer[/quote]

Dude didn’t walk all over him.

[quote]hazarddude334 wrote:
True but if you let people get away with walking all over you and other people they will allways do it. Then again when I talk I use curse words all the time to. Who cares its soccer[/quote]

The flip side, as some of the bigger guys already know, is that when a guy who is seen as physically or even socially “superior” to the group, if he goes off when he is confronted, he will very often be seen as the loose cannon no matter what the other guy did to instigate it. This can occur even if he just handles this situation professionally but makes an issue of it.

I personally wouldn’t worry about it and, since it is in writing through email, he doesn’t even have to document it. He just has to save the email and move on.

I see no reason at all to drag this out further.

That guy is a douche. Extra douche points for writing the extra “oh I didn’t mean it when I got all crabby before, I’m on the rag” email.

If your going to be a dick, have the balls to be a dick in person, and if you want to apologize, admit you were a dick and not play it off as being some incredibly entertaining aspect of your personality that you are normally a huge assclown.

I fucking hate people like that.

On a side note, drama like this is why my nephew doesn’t play soccer anymore. That and he thought tackling was part of the game.

If the other two coaches called him out on it already, then I’d just let it go at this point.

let it go. He got all butt hurt because as the “main” coach their poor season reflects his coaching skills.

[quote]Professor X wrote:
I see no reason at all to drag this out further.[/quote]

Yeah…I agree…I sent this last night in reply about 15 minutes after he sent his out:

I wasn’t trying to give you any grief. I wasn’t trying to do anything but goof around after a long day. I figured after several years of working together you and I would be able to laugh at ourselves and the situations we find ourselves in.

"I don’t even know how to respond to your “not letting my kid enjoy it, stupid rec league and shitty teenagers” comments…I’ve been coaching for 8 years…that’s 16 seasons of soccer…I’m not known for being the winningest coach in the league as I place more value on fun and learning the game AND on enjoying the game…this rec league is basically my life for 6 months out of the year…I love recreational soccer…shitty teenagers is something I would not say.

You’ve done a great job and I’m terribly sorry if my comments upset you."

[quote]Professor X wrote:
hazarddude334 wrote:
True but if you let people get away with walking all over you and other people they will allways do it. Then again when I talk I use curse words all the time to. Who cares its soccer

The flip side, as some of the bigger guys already know, is that when a guy who is seen as physically or even socially “superior” to the group, if he goes off when he is confronted, he will very often be seen as the loose cannon no matter what the other guy did to instigate it. This can occur even if he just handles this situation professionally but makes an issue of it.

I personally wouldn’t worry about it and, since it is in writing through email, he doesn’t even have to document it. He just has to save the email and move on.

I see no reason at all to drag this out further.[/quote]

Also, even it is not the “bigger guy,” the mere paradox of reacting is that people tend to notice the reaction and not what set OFF the reaction. Look at sports and how fouls are called, and when players retaliate. Sucks.

I don’t think you discard what the kids put into the season by not giving them anything. It may not seem like much to us but they are kids and who knows what kind of impact it could have on the fat slow kid to get recognized for his work. No disrepect to slow, fat kids…your magic time will come.

From reading your posts, I would have no idea you were a father of multiple children, teenagers, none the less.

Good luck.

I liked your email response sen. It also allowed him to save face and smooth things out between you for any future meetings.

but… what is it with giving kids trophies just for showing up these days?

I am not knocking you sen! I just see it all over now.

how do they learn to earn?

/off topic

[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:

I liked your email response sen. It also allowed him to save face and smooth things out between you for any future meetings.

but… what is it with giving kids trophies just for showing up these days?

I am not knocking you sen! I just see it all over now.

how do they learn to earn?

/off topic

[/quote]

I call it the YMCA complex.

Here kids everyone gets a trophy even though you suck but hey you tried hard now go into the real world and see how that works.

/off topicer

[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:

I liked your email response sen. It also allowed him to save face and smooth things out between you for any future meetings.

but… what is it with giving kids trophies just for showing up these days?

I am not knocking you sen! I just see it all over now.

how do they learn to earn?

/off topic

[/quote]

my dad was acaulyl against that when i played hockey as a kid and i was kind of also. I wanted to work for a trophy and if we were the best then we get it but to get it regardless of the season standings is dumb because its not like that 5 years later haha

Tell him to clean the sand out of his vagina or stop taking his wife’s birth control or something.

[quote]OctoberGirl wrote:

I liked your email response sen. It also allowed him to save face and smooth things out between you for any future meetings.

but… what is it with giving kids trophies just for showing up these days?

I am not knocking you sen! I just see it all over now.

how do they learn to earn?

/off topic

[/quote]

I read through this thread and this is what I was wondering as well.

Have a pizza party or whatever, but trophies should be given to winners.

My boss doesn’t give me a pat on the back when I screw up. On the contrary, anything less than perfection is not acceptable at my job. No one ever says, “Well, at least you tried your very best.”

[quote]Steel Nation wrote:
Tell him to clean the sand out of his vagina or stop taking his wife’s birth control or something.[/quote]

Dammit I wish I woulda thought of this last night !!!