T Nation

Rough Draft Rap

Here’s a rough draft of a rap I wrote n recorded. Actually it’s only a verse, not a whole rap. Still some polishing to do with the delivery which will probably improve when I stop having to read the rap off of a paper, and the audio’s a little off at some points but I decided to put it up to see what the hip hop heads think.

Nice try but you have no delivery. You lack enunciation and rhythm. Try more, you’ll get it. Where are you from? The South?

[quote]Rohnyn wrote:
Nice try but you have no delivery. You lack enunciation and rhythm. Try more, you’ll get it. Where are you from? The South?[/quote]

Yeah I’m from the South, how can you tell? haha, but yeah I don’t expect my delivery or rhythm to be close, since I’m still reading off a paper. When I get back home I’ll actually have access to a legit booth which will be fun, right now I"m just speaking into my Mac.

i suggest you rap with no beat at first…If you cut the beat out, you will hear that your flow is all over the place…

if you don’t sound good without a beat…chances are you won’t sound good with one…

focus on building your confidence and rhythm…

then start learning how to build rhythms and lyrics around the beat itself…

I suggest that you make sure you have an education, trade and/or you do not quit your day job.

If you put the same verse on a track like this, you’ll see mane.

Lyrics and rhymes are actually pretty good, as is the beat, but like others said, you don’t have any delivery or flow.

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
I suggest that you make sure you have an education, trade and/or you do not quit your day job.[/quote]

Haha I won’t I wonder why rapping is the only endeavor that overwhelmingly receives responses like this. When someone picks up a guitar, automatically people don’t say “Don’t quit your day job.” or when they start or ask “So you think you’re going to be in a major band soon or what?”

It’s like people think there is no reason to start rapping and writing unless you think you will get big for it.

[quote]D Public wrote:
i suggest you rap with no beat at first…If you cut the beat out, you will hear that your flow is all over the place…

if you don’t sound good without a beat…chances are you won’t sound good with one…

focus on building your confidence and rhythm…

then start learning how to build rhythms and lyrics around the beat itself…[/quote]

Cool I’ll mess around with that when classes are done.

You sound like you’re trying to be quiet. To get that flow down you need to get into it. I have some friends who may not have the coolest sounding voices, but they have energy in their voices and it makes them sound pretty sick. Try rapping louder, I think it’ll help.

[quote]That One Guy wrote:

Here’s a rough draft of a rap I wrote n recorded. Actually it’s only a verse, not a whole rap. Still some polishing to do with the delivery which will probably improve when I stop having to read the rap off of a paper, and the audio’s a little off at some points but I decided to put it up to see what the hip hop heads think.[/quote]

You pretty much nailed your flaws in your own post. I bet there’d be an immediate improvement if you had your lines memorized. There are a few things I think I could add:

-yeah you do sort of sound soft [no shots], but if I recall correctly, you’re around the same age as me. In which case, a big part of your future improvement will probably come with age. Listen to a song like “Brain Damage” of Eminem’s first album. He sounded like a twirp [even if he was sort of using it for a sound]. Drake’s sounded like a twirp two years ago, and to a large extent still does [he gets around it, too]. Of course, practice is still in order.

-I know people are going to disagree with me on this, but really make the highest priority sounding good over a beat. People like to emphasize lyrical themes, and verbal acrobatics when explaining why their favourite rapper is great, so it’s pretty easy to forget this. Honestly, people come up with the weirdest theories as to why hip hop sounds different [or why it;s dying] every year but aside from longer periods [decade to decade] it’s pretty simple. Different styles of production become popular, and the rapper that get big are usually guys who can flow over those beats. There are a few guys who have built careers being able to change their styles to suit new production styles.

-don’t be afraid to jack a famous rappers flow for now, or borrow elements. You’ll eventually start to add in your own elements as you find your own voice.

Of course, you and I have different taste in hip hop, but I think some of the tips would still apply.

[quote]That One Guy wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
I suggest that you make sure you have an education, trade and/or you do not quit your day job.[/quote]

Haha I won’t I wonder why rapping is the only endeavor that overwhelmingly receives responses like this. When someone picks up a guitar, automatically people don’t say “Don’t quit your day job.” or when they start or ask “So you think you’re going to be in a major band soon or what?”

It’s like people think there is no reason to start rapping and writing unless you think you will get big for it.[/quote]

Fair response, so I’ll respond in kind. I guess some of us see no point in pursuing something unless its going to lead somewhere. I’m an all or nothing personality. If I do something, I’m in all the way and I want to be the best.

Anyway, you’re not much of a rapper, but there are other ways to make it “big”. Like writing. The writing isn’t bad. Rapping now is like trying to make a professional sports team. So many people trying to make it, some very talented, others not so.

In the end, I guess I don’t understand “dabbling” in something.

[quote]LarryDavid wrote:

[quote]That One Guy wrote:

Here’s a rough draft of a rap I wrote n recorded. Actually it’s only a verse, not a whole rap. Still some polishing to do with the delivery which will probably improve when I stop having to read the rap off of a paper, and the audio’s a little off at some points but I decided to put it up to see what the hip hop heads think.[/quote]

You pretty much nailed your flaws in your own post. I bet there’d be an immediate improvement if you had your lines memorized. There are a few things I think I could add:

-yeah you do sort of sound soft [no shots], but if I recall correctly, you’re around the same age as me. In which case, a big part of your future improvement will probably come with age. Listen to a song like “Brain Damage” of Eminem’s first album. He sounded like a twirp [even if he was sort of using it for a sound]. Drake’s sounded like a twirp two years ago, and to a large extent still does [he gets around it, too]. Of course, practice is still in order.

-I know people are going to disagree with me on this, but really make the highest priority sounding good over a beat. People like to emphasize lyrical themes, and verbal acrobatics when explaining why their favourite rapper is great, so it’s pretty easy to forget this. Honestly, people come up with the weirdest theories as to why hip hop sounds different [or why it;s dying] every year but aside from longer periods [decade to decade] it’s pretty simple. Different styles of production become popular, and the rapper that get big are usually guys who can flow over those beats. There are a few guys who have built careers being able to change their styles to suit new production styles.

-don’t be afraid to jack a famous rappers flow for now, or borrow elements. You’ll eventually start to add in your own elements as you find your own voice.

Of course, you and I have different taste in hip hop, but I think some of the tips would still apply.
[/quote]

I basically agree with you, I was tinkering with some ideas before I fell asleep and thought that lowering the recording volume might help so that I have to enunciate and be loud to be heard.

Edit: obviously the plan is to be able to have delivery under any circumstances but for the most part I think “rhythm: you have it or you don’t” is a fallacy (+5 points to whoever knows where that’s from without googling it) and delivery and vocal prescence is probably the last thing that any rapper develops.

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]That One Guy wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
I suggest that you make sure you have an education, trade and/or you do not quit your day job.[/quote]

Haha I won’t I wonder why rapping is the only endeavor that overwhelmingly receives responses like this. When someone picks up a guitar, automatically people don’t say “Don’t quit your day job.” or when they start or ask “So you think you’re going to be in a major band soon or what?”

It’s like people think there is no reason to start rapping and writing unless you think you will get big for it.[/quote]

Fair response, so I’ll respond in kind. I guess some of us see no point in pursuing something unless its going to lead somewhere. I’m an all or nothing personality. If I do something, I’m in all the way and I want to be the best.

Anyway, you’re not much of a rapper, but there are other ways to make it “big”. Like writing. The writing isn’t bad. Rapping now is like trying to make a professional sports team. So many people trying to make it, some very talented, others not so.

In the end, I guess I don’t understand “dabbling” in something.
[/quote]

Ah your analogy is perfect for commercially successful rappers, but there are those that get good at their trade and never try to succeed commercially, because succeeding commercially is as likely as getting to the NFL, maybe even less so due to how few successful rappers there are compared to the numbers of paid NFL players. But I’m not “dabbling”, I want to be as good as I can get, like learning any skill I know I have to be persistent, not just consistent, and strive to critique myself and improve my flaws. It takes years for someone to be very good at rapping, much like it takes years to build a great physique, but I’m not going to stop just because it’s a marathon, just like I will continue to lift for the rest of my life.

[quote]That One Guy wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:

[quote]That One Guy wrote:

[quote]TheBodyGuard wrote:
I suggest that you make sure you have an education, trade and/or you do not quit your day job.[/quote]

Haha I won’t I wonder why rapping is the only endeavor that overwhelmingly receives responses like this. When someone picks up a guitar, automatically people don’t say “Don’t quit your day job.” or when they start or ask “So you think you’re going to be in a major band soon or what?”

It’s like people think there is no reason to start rapping and writing unless you think you will get big for it.[/quote]

Fair response, so I’ll respond in kind. I guess some of us see no point in pursuing something unless its going to lead somewhere. I’m an all or nothing personality. If I do something, I’m in all the way and I want to be the best.

Anyway, you’re not much of a rapper, but there are other ways to make it “big”. Like writing. The writing isn’t bad. Rapping now is like trying to make a professional sports team. So many people trying to make it, some very talented, others not so.

In the end, I guess I don’t understand “dabbling” in something.
[/quote]

Ah your analogy is perfect for commercially successful rappers, but there are those that get good at their trade and never try to succeed commercially, because succeeding commercially is as likely as getting to the NFL, maybe even less so due to how few successful rappers there are compared to the numbers of paid NFL players. But I’m not “dabbling”, I want to be as good as I can get, like learning any skill I know I have to be persistent, not just consistent, and strive to critique myself and improve my flaws. It takes years for someone to be very good at rapping, much like it takes years to build a great physique, but I’m not going to stop just because it’s a marathon, just like I will continue to lift for the rest of my life.
[/quote]

yay happy ending!

I’d say you’re pretty good but you’re not pissed off or very complex, you understand?
To elucidate, you have rappers and groups like Dre and the Wu-Tang that say things like ‘if you fuck with me I’ll tear out your fucking intestines and strangle you with them.’, as well as less mainstream groups like Why? and Eyedea and Abilities that say things like ‘I sleep on my back because it’s good for the spine, and coffin rehearsal’. But you have your own weird thing going on where your delivery is very chill and detached but your lyrics are mildly belligerent, but (no asshole here) slightly boring. Either get angry or get weird, as long as you get imaginative. In summary, find a rap forum and post on it.

good luck with your passion

When I was lurkin, a guy posted a rap on here and get torn apart.
Honestly imo it was better than this, not by much, but still better.
I guess the trolls jumped ship or something.

To me, it was bad dude. Maybe it would sound better once you memorize it, but it’s easy to tell you’re reading it. Like some suggested, work on your delivery and mostly your voice…you sound scared and MCing is all about attitude and just killin’ the mic. The suggestion to put that over a Dilla beat is just nonsense considering he’s one of the best beatmakers EVER. Yes, you can rhyme your words, but your rhymes are elementary/simple. Get creative, rhyme more syllables together…not just “tame, game, brain, maintain”…make sense?

Not trying to rip you, just give you advice. I used to be in a hip hop group back in my college days and did shows all over the Midwest opening up for people like Slum Village, One Be lo and El Da Sensai to name a few. I’m not bragging, I just know what it takes. When I first began I started out the same way just throwing words together making no sense. Keep practicing and you’ll get better. The more you write, the better you’ll get…be creative and work on your voice. MCing is a craft you sharpen, similar to bodybuidling.

[quote]jlutz3 wrote:
To me, it was bad dude. Maybe it would sound better once you memorize it, but it’s easy to tell you’re reading it. Like some suggested, work on your delivery and mostly your voice…you sound scared and MCing is all about attitude and just killin’ the mic. The suggestion to put that over a Dilla beat is just nonsense considering he’s one of the best beatmakers EVER. Yes, you can rhyme your words, but your rhymes are elementary/simple. Get creative, rhyme more syllables together…not just “tame, game, brain, maintain”…make sense?

Not trying to rip you, just give you advice. I used to be in a hip hop group back in my college days and did shows all over the Midwest opening up for people like Slum Village, One Be lo and El Da Sensai to name a few. I’m not bragging, I just know what it takes. When I first began I started out the same way just throwing words together making no sense. Keep practicing and you’ll get better. The more you write, the better you’ll get…be creative and work on your voice. MCing is a craft you sharpen, similar to bodybuidling. [/quote]

Fsho man, I know it’s gonna be bad, unlike a lot of people I am able to admit that when I first start picking up a skill that I will suck, and I expect to. Right now I was thinking of keeping the rhyming simple, so that I could focus on the delivery and flo, instead of worrying about rhyming “hippopatamus” with “rock anonymous” or something like that. What do you think? How’d you progress in this thing.