In the past 4 months things have been a bit stressful. I lost both my grandfather and a freind/neighbor (both of whom I cared about deaply) to cancer. Consequentially every day since I’ve been dealing with the aftermath and those affected by it. My widowed grandmother has alzheimer’s and is getting worse and worse. As a result my mother is completely on edge and my father has mostly been covering things up like most men tend to with anger. My brother (who has been battling many addictions) was arrested for the second time a few weeks ago and is now in a rehab out of state. And while I’m bitching, I still can’t pet my one dog who I’ve owned for over a year now (and never have so much as raised my voice to)
During this time I’ve been doing what I thought was the the right thing. Working a steady job, going to school, working out, doing juice, and tapping numerous women. That doesn’t hurt anyone…right? Well I’m not soo sure anymore. I’ve kinda fallen for this one particular girl and 2 say the least it’s been taking it’s toll on me both emotionally and physically (I sleep like shit although the tren never helps). In the past 2 weeks I’ve gotten three tickets ( only 1 was actually my fault). I also got in a car accident (I was hit) but still have to go through all the bs involved. Oh yeah I almost forgot that I spent the last month of my summer recovering from blood poisoning and spent a few weeks packing/unpacking my large open wound from my surgery.
So I can only wonder have I been living a fouler life than I led myself to believe. Have my drug use, and promiscuous attitude been the root of what is going on all around me? Or is that very thought just doubt instilled by the constant drilling of other’s religiously based morals finally finding it’s way into my head. As for the death’s, I have to just accept that’s part of life and obviously is beyond my control. However, I seriously have to consider if the other negatives that I impose in my life are what’s been causing all of this? That being said simply realizing that something is a “negative” should be reason enough to drop it from my life. Overall I’ve always thought that as long as I don’t intentionally hurt other and live as a good person things will even out. Now I’m not so sure. Is simply not intentionally hurting someone good enough? Am I simply in a streak of terribly bad luck? Well I know one thing, I’m not gonna be able to figure this one out right away, espec. 2 night.