T Nation

Rock Bottom

In the past 4 months things have been a bit stressful. I lost both my grandfather and a freind/neighbor (both of whom I cared about deaply) to cancer. Consequentially every day since I’ve been dealing with the aftermath and those affected by it. My widowed grandmother has alzheimer’s and is getting worse and worse. As a result my mother is completely on edge and my father has mostly been covering things up like most men tend to with anger. My brother (who has been battling many addictions) was arrested for the second time a few weeks ago and is now in a rehab out of state. And while I’m bitching, I still can’t pet my one dog who I’ve owned for over a year now (and never have so much as raised my voice to):frowning:

During this time I’ve been doing what I thought was the the right thing. Working a steady job, going to school, working out, doing juice, and tapping numerous women. That doesn’t hurt anyone…right? Well I’m not soo sure anymore. I’ve kinda fallen for this one particular girl and 2 say the least it’s been taking it’s toll on me both emotionally and physically (I sleep like shit although the tren never helps). In the past 2 weeks I’ve gotten three tickets ( only 1 was actually my fault). I also got in a car accident (I was hit) but still have to go through all the bs involved. Oh yeah I almost forgot that I spent the last month of my summer recovering from blood poisoning and spent a few weeks packing/unpacking my large open wound from my surgery.

So I can only wonder have I been living a fouler life than I led myself to believe. Have my drug use, and promiscuous attitude been the root of what is going on all around me? Or is that very thought just doubt instilled by the constant drilling of other’s religiously based morals finally finding it’s way into my head. As for the death’s, I have to just accept that’s part of life and obviously is beyond my control. However, I seriously have to consider if the other negatives that I impose in my life are what’s been causing all of this? That being said simply realizing that something is a “negative” should be reason enough to drop it from my life. Overall I’ve always thought that as long as I don’t intentionally hurt other and live as a good person things will even out. Now I’m not so sure. Is simply not intentionally hurting someone good enough? Am I simply in a streak of terribly bad luck? Well I know one thing, I’m not gonna be able to figure this one out right away, espec. 2 night.

Sounds like tough times wideguy. Last year was a tough one for me. I got arrested three times, a couple felonies, and almost went to jail. I am a senior in college set to graduate in May with honors and a degree in business, and I’ve had a great job for over two years. My goal for this year was to just “do better than last year”. The point of my story is that my girlfriend has been a huge help for me. My life sounds a lot like yours(work, school, gym, juice, etc.) and having a steady woman in my life has been a plus. Don’t get me wrong, chasing pussy is fun for a while, but eventually it gets old. If you can find that you like and enjoy spending time with, give her a chance. I think you’ll find that there’s lots to gain, including a close friend to help get you through times like these. No matter what happens, I hope things turn around for you.
Good luck,
TF

You know the answers to all of those questions, it’s just hard to accept them.

It’s a run of bad luck. It will pass. The same discipline that keeps you in the gym will get you through this, one day at a time. At some point, you’ll suddenly realize that life sucks less than it did when you wrote this, and you’ll be glad you stuck with being true to yourself.

As for the girl: Use the time with her to relax and forget all the rest of the troubles. (Wideguy, are you thinking about becoming a one-woman man?)

No I’m done thinking about it. In fact, my mind is completely out of the picture and my heart has taken over. Last friday I went with my freind to visit his girl at school. Well, we went to a house party and there was this very scantilly clad young coed selling shots. Clearly every guy in the place was gunning for her and I’ll admit I considered hitting it. I went into my mode and ended up talking with her for awhile, then she grabbed me and took me down into the basement where there was a dj and alot of people dancing ect. I don’t dance so I just leaned back while she did her little thing. I won’t lie it was fun and due to the little bit of cialis and the lot of test in my system I swiped her with the pine a few times. She got tired and wanted to go back upstairs…to her room! I went up to her room walking in there commented on the canopy over her bed and was then offered a place to sleep as long as I only “cuddle” with her. I didn’t do it. And what’s even crazier is I don’t regret not doing it and didn’t even have to convince myself not to do it. I JUST WASN’T INTERESTED. I didn’t even have to think about it, it was there in my subconcious the whole time.

Now here is where things get a little fucked up. I clearly care about this amazing young woman and have no doubts that she cares about me. Now here’s the catch. Asisdes from her being hesistant about my reputation which I’ve assured her I can only prove to be untrue with time and my actions. She called me up a few nights back sobbing her eyes out. Apparently she had been in a 1 1/2 year relationship with this guy who she stopped seeing because of distance. He said he’d make an effort to see her and never did so it didn’t work out. She says she still loves him, which is fine as I still love my ex. BUT I’m not in love with her and know that things will never work. She said the exact same thing and says she really wants to move on. Unfortunately this guy still calls her now and then (which is fine with me) and starts telling her how much he still loves her and basically mind fucks her. I can understand how uppsetting this can be as my ex used to do the exact same thing until I told her that if she expects to be my friend (which is all she’ll ever be) then she can’t do that because it hurts and makes it too difficult to move on. On top of that if you really care about someone then you wouldn’t be soo selfish as to do something like that. She agrees with that and I know that she really wants to move on. However one the things that draws me to her might be what keeps me from being with her, and that would be her unconditional kindness and warmth (a big heart).

I know that she told me this because she wants to put everything out on the table and show me how serious she is about being with me. However, she realizes that my ego will not be able to handle her getting upset by some other guy. And while it may sound selfish she’s right. So at this point she says that she really needs some time to staighten her head out. She calls me every day and while things are a little weird I know that she cares. The only problem is I don’t know how long I can wait. Just the idea of waiting makes me feel like a bitch, but I’m quite sure that’s my ego. The other part of me says waiting is exactly what I need to do since patience with women has never been one of my strong suits. That and like I said, even if I wanted to go back to the the “fuck a bitch tip” I couldn’t. Probably not ever again. Not that it wasn’t fun but, there’s a time and a place and it’s past and I’m not there anymore :slight_smile:

I hope you’re not thinking about karma, cause I don’t believe in it. It’s just a string of bad luck. I don’t think the drug use and promiscuity are the root of your stress. Being monogamous seems like the larger stressor. It doesn’t sound like you’re used to it so it may take some time to get the hang of it.

It looks like a string of bad luck. A lot of what’s happened to you is beyond your control, i.e. grandmother and grandfather, brother, car accident. I’m not sure if the blood problem was from using injectibles or not, but everything just looks like a build up of stress that eventually will pass. Going to school and working a lot per week can be stressful in of itself. Add on a few disasters and the stress will catch up with you.

Perhaps it may be better to simplify your life for a bit till everything passes. Try to work less if possible, drop a course or 2, give yourself some more time to relax and try and do more things that relieves stress for you, whatever it is.

I am sorry to hear about your troubles. Remember that the strongest tree is the one with the deepest roots, and the deepest roots are caused by the strongest winds. I think that the best way to overcome troubles is (1) re-write, re-define your goals-be specific. I once made a list of the ten worst things that have ever happened to me ( believe me, it was was quite a list) and then the ten best things, I found an exact correlation between the two lists, that is all of the worst things DIRECTLY led to the best things, and the best things have all been long lasting. (2) Look around and help someone who is worse off than you-this will really put things in perspective-visit a hospital, a nursing home, put together a care package and send it to Florida, etc, etc, you get the idea.

Finally, If you care about this girl, you should probably not write about her ( or what you did with her) in a less than honorable wayon an internet message board-I know that may sting a bit, but its true

best of luck

Keith W.

I do sort of believe in karma (and I’m not reffering to the goddes/t-vixen that posts on this board cause I know she’s real :-). It just seems to make sense with the eb and flow of things that every action should have an equal and opposite reaction. I’d like to think that living right and making the right choices results in good fortune as opposed to being a self-serving waste of a human being who ultimately should end up getting the snotty end of the dick in the long run.

Wow, wideguy I have read many of your posts, but never responded to one. From what I have read I think you are starting that healthy, but at times uncomfortable journey of introspection. When you start to look at your behaviors and how they truly make you feel inside… you can learn a lot about yourself.

It can be painful at times, but it is necessary for the goal of individuation! Continue to analyze your self and you will continue to grow.

Yes and no. I’ve been giving this alot of thought and know that I’m not being punished it’s just a streak of bad luck in most cases. However, as far as the womanizing goes? I’m still uncertain. For awhile I simply(like many people) was not able or interested in being with just one person and letting them see everything about me good or bad. It was never about fucking girls over, just not getting fucked over myself. In fact I always preferred to remain freindly with the girls I’ve seen. It just doesn’t always work out that way and honestly I can’t do anything about that.

I am certain that in light of what’s been going on around me. I’ve had no choice but to take a good hard look at who I am and why. Is it scary sometimes? Yes…but as vain as it may sound, I’m amazed at times.

Hey Wideguy

I agree that it is just a string of bad luck. However, I do believe that how a person percieves their own lifestyle will greatly affect how they deal with situations.

The juice isn’t a bad thing, it is illegal, and may cause some health problems, but probably far less than eating at McDicks everyday. The promiscuity, while a taboo in religious circles, is ultimately a personal choice, and if everyone is treated with respect then nothing bad should come of it.

In all likelyhood, this won’t help you very much, but you should make sure that everything you do makes YOU feel good, not instantly, but when you look back on your actions, will you be proud, or ashamed. Whether God is watching, or if He doesn’t exist, the one thing I know for sure is that every morning I look at myself in the mirror and more often than not I like whats looking back. Thats how I know if I am doing the right thing.

-Dave

-I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there’ and it will move.

The Bible
Matthew 17:20

-Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.

Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

[quote]ShortDave wrote:
one thing I know for sure is that every morning I look at myself in the mirror and more often than not I like whats looking back. Thats how I know if I am doing the right thing.

-Dave[/quote]

Word. My thoughts exactly.

I realize what you’re saying to be the truth dave. It’s just sometimes things get soo out of order that even something as simple as what you said can become unclear. I suppose how unclear, and for how long it remains unclear is what makes a person who they are ie. strong or weak.

Wideguy,

I have no idea what your whole situation is and I don’t pretend to. But, if my closest friend told me what you had posted, I would have to say “You might want to ask God if he’s trying to show you something.” Again, I don’t know you from Adam so this may not be the case.

One thing to think about though; when/if you do get married, the women from past relationships will have some effect on your marraige. In my experience, the women of sexual relationships has a very negative effect. (Comparisons kill)

You will pull through this mess, but learning something in the process is what its all about.

Good luck.

Be careful. Believing in karma can be a self fulfilling prophecy. If you think you deserve bad things, then subconciously you will attract these things to your life. As Dave said, it’s your perception of what you think is good or bad.

Wide –

It’s interesting to me that your focus is on the womanizing. I remember an ongoing debate I had with some of my friends in law school, back when I was in a bit of a “womanizing” mode - mostly because my long-term relationship had broken up due to distance. Being the legal dorks that we were (or are, depending on your outlook), we discussed the idea in terms of “duties.”

My position was similar to yours: full upfront disclosure, with no intent to deceive, was the extent of what I believed I needed to do in order to be a “good guy.”

A few of my friends, on the other hand, took the position that the duty went a step further – basically, if you could tell (or, really, if you thought) the girl was creating her own reality with the passage of time concerning “relationship” stuff, irrespective of the fact you were straight with her up front you had the duty to disabuse her of any such notions. Especially after you became acquainted in the Biblical sense.

Needless to say, I followed my own advice – mostly to good effect, but at least one girl from that time still hates me, although I didn’t lead her on.

I don’t know what the ultimate right or wrong position is - probably somewhere in the middle. I’d guess it would depend upon how certain you were she’s under a misimpression of the proper status - and, of course, how much responsibility you think you have to update information based on changing circumstances (such as Biblical knowledge, as it were).

Were that the type of question you’re considering?

Well last night I had to end the indecision and let this amazing girl know that I can’t wait for her to make up her mind. I shouldn’t have to. Nor would I ask anyone to do that for me(at least for very long). I know we’ll be on good terms in time and perhaps when things are less uncertain for her and less fucked up for me things will be…? Anyway, with that off my shoulders I’m beggining to realize that I’m not being punished. I’ll continue trying to be a good person and treat others as I would want to be treated with honesty and kindness. Beyond that whatever happens is out of my hands.

Will I go back to juggling multiple girls at once? If they’re ok with it, maybe. Right now? no. In fact I’m thinking celebacy might be a good idea…for awhile…like maybe till friday. LMFAO!

Wideguy:

We havn’t talked in a while. Sorry to hear about your hard times. Like I told you a long time ago, I’m in your corner! If you want to PM me and talk don’t hesitate. If not I understand.
Either way, I hope things get better for you in the near future.

Wideguy, For once I agree with Elk. Due to certain life events that you mentioned, you are starting to realize there is really two you’s. One is your ego, or outer shell, which by previous posts you basically let run the show. The other is your core, this is probably where you get the desire to treat others well.

These life events have caused you to self reflect and perhaps evaluate if there is balance between your ego and your core. Your ego is what wants money, cars, chicks, basically any material or status wealth. Your core desires love and affection, both giving and recieving. Since you lost several loved ones perhaps your core is looking to fill those gaps with a new one… like this girl you are pining over. give your ego a break at the wheel and be patient with her.

Vegita ~ Prince of all Sayajins