My dad’s a pretty bad alcoholic. As in, gets very agressive and angry when he gets drunk, not goofy and stupid. He grew up on a reservation (Native American), and at least in our part of the USA, reservations really suck, haha. Very poor, very few jobs, crappy schools and hospitals, lots of crime, lots of drugs, and not enough people making anything of themselves to give new generations examples of what they can become.
He grew up around some pretty crazy stuff. Lost his dad around age 6-8, his stepdad was physically abusive to him and his mom, his mom abandoned him and moved a couple hours away when he was 12, he basically dropped out of school at that age, was homeless, and began drinking and doings drugs daily. He reunited with his mom, two younger half sisters, and stepdad around age 15, went back to school, met my mom, they got pregnant with me at ages 16 & 17, had me at 17 & 18, was working full time while finishing high school, almost didn’t graduate due to a racist gym teacher failing him (my mom’s mom, a teacher in the high school, was able to help resolve the issue), and has since worked a very tough job where his body has been very beaten down, and he deals with some pretty crappy people daily. Like verbally abusive and extremely racist coworkers/bosses. He really enjoys the work, but hates the company. It’s his best option with a wife, 5 kids, and no college degree though, so he’s been there for 15+ years. He lost his mom a few years ago, his two sisters are both now meth addicts, him and my mom seperated last year, he’s got a few assault charges, 1 or 2 DUI’s, and has depression and anger issues. I’m his oldest child and we have had a very strained relationship most of my life, which I know bears heavily on him.
Anywhoooo, that’s my dad’s biography, haha. I mentioned a few assualt charges. He’s luckily never had to go to prison, but he’s spent a few nights in jail. He’s pretty tough. I’ve seen him pick up a guy with 4 inches of height and 50 pounds of muscle on him by the belt buckle and shirt collar and throw him across the hood of a car. I’ve seen him take on 3 guys at once and win. I guess in high school he and another kid from school had a scheduled fight. I don’t know why. A bunch of people showed up to watch. The other guy brought a wooden baseball bat, and cracked my dad across the head with it. My dad spun around and dropped to the ground, out cold. Apparently within 10 seconds he was back up, and after breaking the bat over his knee, broke the other guy’s arm quite badly. He’s not trained in martial arts or boxing, he just hits hard, can handle getting hit, and has enough anger and toughness that he doesn’t go down very easily.
He’s very intimidating, if you don’t know him. I had a bit of a rivalry this past summer with a guy who started chatting up my girlfriend, and after speaking with him and ending it, I heard the guy said I was scary. My buddy said it was true. I asked why, and he said I’m not very physically imposing - average height, average weight, but I can give some mean looks and people just know when I’m pissed at them. I get very short with them and make it well known if I’m mad. I spoke to my mom about it and she said I’m very much like my dad in that sense. He’s like 5’11", 200lbs or so, but can be fucking scary to deal with it you’re not familiar with his good, fun, happy side.
Anyway, Duke, my point is this: my dad isn’t a happy guy. He’s tough, he’s hurt people, he can fight better than most untrained people, he can get revenge, he can give the world a big middle finger and not be hurt by anything, but…he’s not happy. It’s not worth it. Deep down, he’s just the scared little kid who’s dad died and who’s mom went of the deep end due to her sadness and abandoned him. He’s the scared little kid who watched his uncle who helped raise him get stabbed in front of him, and who watched the adults strung out on meth and crack fight in front of him. Who wasn’t shown the love he should’ve been shown as a child, and now struggles to show it to others. He doesn’t lead a happy life, and he’s not happy with himself.
Don’t be that guy Duke. You’ve got a lot of very wise men giving you advice here. I’ve seen bullying going on, but never been on the giving or receiving end of it, but in 10 years, hell, even 2 years, it won’t seem worth it. Violence/revenge might seem fun, and as young dudes, we tend to even romanticize it, but it’s not the right answer. Life is tough, and sometimes just honestly sucks, but being angry at the world for it won’t solve anything. It won’t make you any happier, or a better man. Listen to the advice you’ve been given.
My apologies to everyone for the long post, I just thought I’d share the story.
