T Nation

Retroactive Jealousy on Test/Deca, Help


#1

I will start out by outlining a little about my workout history, supplements, anabolics.
I am 39 years old, for most of my life I was slim until about 30 years old, packed on a few pounds but always fluctuating between 150-190lbs. I’m 5foot11. Started working out about a year and a half ago because of severe weight gain after a bad sports injury. Worked out doing the usual rookie stuff, an hour on the treadmill, light weights and way to much time in the gym. After about 6 months I wasn’t seeing much if any results. My weight may have dropped about 5lbs in that 6 months. Something wasn’t working. I had a co-worker suggest trying some “stuff”, I tried some orals like Winstrol, Dbol, clenbutural with very little success. After the first year I was so unhappy with my results that I decided to really do some research, change up my routine and look into doing a real cycle. I got rid of the cardio and started focusing on lifting heavier, and started taking some testocyp. I started with 250mcg every 3 days for about 12-16 weeks, I started to see some real progress. I then decided to ramp it up a bit and try using test with Deca as I had previously heard some good things about it. 200Deca/250test injected every 3 days. The first 5-6 weeks were unremarkable but now that I am into about week 8 of this cycle, I have started to have some unhealthy mental issues.

I am a happily married father of 3 beautiful children and have a very devoted wife of 14 years. We’ve been together for close to 17 years now. I started having jealous thoughts of her being unfaithful but more than just that I started having visions of her actually being unfaithful, like a movie playing out in my head. It felt so real that I started having major anxiety, self doubt, and It made me sick to my stomach. I have no doubt that she is 100% faithful, no doubt at all but I can’t get the thought of her having sex whether it be with a past lover or some dickhead who happens to look her way while she’s walking the dog. The thoughts just came out of the blue like a light switch.

I have been under a lot of stress lately with being out of work, attending a training program in school, we are moving in a month, just a lot to think about. Sometimes the thoughts are all consuming. I hear a song on the radio that came out before we were married and it takes me right back to those crazy thoughts. I know they are irrational thoughts but I just can’t shake them because my mind makes them so real.

I need some help, is this caused by the stress? the Test/Deca? Something more sinister? I love my wife and she doesn’t deserve this. I have spoken to her about it so am not hiding this but it’s unfair to her. Should I drop the Deca as I didn’t have an issue until I added it.


#2

Most people here will tell you its all in your head and that you’re overreacting etc.

Most people dont know shit. Steroids do fuck with your head. Especially 19-nor’s. I’ve experienced the exact same while I was on Tren, even on test when oestrogen is out of whack.
Im not sure if you are taking anything for prolactin but that could be it, also dont know if you’re taking an AI either so your oestrogen could also be too high (which is known to cause negative and depressive thoughts).

You need to take comfort in the fact that its just the drugs causing this, get some bloods for oestrogen and prolactin and also think about coming off.

SB


#3

I dont know know much, etc but I loled


#4

Thanks for the reply SinghBuilder, as quickly as it came on and as severe as it was, it has become manageable now. The thoughts still pop in my head once in a while but the visions have subsided, so much that I can’t even force a thought like it. It’s such a relief as it was so severe, I felt like I was having a mental breakdown. I’m glad I could speak with my wife about it openly. I did some reading on how to resolve it in a healthy way and what to avoid and it seems to have worked. I will never use Deca again as it seems to be the only variable that has changed and seems to be the trigger. I’m glad that I could make the second poster “LOL” but until you have experienced this yourself, you won’t know what this feels like so keep laughing. Stress seems to also be a factor as I have managed to reduce my stress and it has helped alot. Keeping a busy productive mind has helped as well. It was pretty debilitating at first but now it’s merely a nuisance that is almost gone. Thank goodness.