T Nation

Retroactive Jealousy on Test/Deca, Help


#1

I will start out by outlining a little about my workout history, supplements, anabolics.
I am 39 years old, for most of my life I was slim until about 30 years old, packed on a few pounds but always fluctuating between 150-190lbs. I’m 5foot11. Started working out about a year and a half ago because of severe weight gain after a bad sports injury. Worked out doing the usual rookie stuff, an hour on the treadmill, light weights and way to much time in the gym. After about 6 months I wasn’t seeing much if any results. My weight may have dropped about 5lbs in that 6 months. Something wasn’t working. I had a co-worker suggest trying some “stuff”, I tried some orals like Winstrol, Dbol, clenbutural with very little success. After the first year I was so unhappy with my results that I decided to really do some research, change up my routine and look into doing a real cycle. I got rid of the cardio and started focusing on lifting heavier, and started taking some testocyp. I started with 250mcg every 3 days for about 12-16 weeks, I started to see some real progress. I then decided to ramp it up a bit and try using test with Deca as I had previously heard some good things about it. 200Deca/250test injected every 3 days. The first 5-6 weeks were unremarkable but now that I am into about week 8 of this cycle, I have started to have some unhealthy mental issues.

I am a happily married father of 3 beautiful children and have a very devoted wife of 14 years. We’ve been together for close to 17 years now. I started having jealous thoughts of her being unfaithful but more than just that I started having visions of her actually being unfaithful, like a movie playing out in my head. It felt so real that I started having major anxiety, self doubt, and It made me sick to my stomach. I have no doubt that she is 100% faithful, no doubt at all but I can’t get the thought of her having sex whether it be with a past lover or some dickhead who happens to look her way while she’s walking the dog. The thoughts just came out of the blue like a light switch.

I have been under a lot of stress lately with being out of work, attending a training program in school, we are moving in a month, just a lot to think about. Sometimes the thoughts are all consuming. I hear a song on the radio that came out before we were married and it takes me right back to those crazy thoughts. I know they are irrational thoughts but I just can’t shake them because my mind makes them so real.

I need some help, is this caused by the stress? the Test/Deca? Something more sinister? I love my wife and she doesn’t deserve this. I have spoken to her about it so am not hiding this but it’s unfair to her. Should I drop the Deca as I didn’t have an issue until I added it.


#2

Most people here will tell you its all in your head and that you’re overreacting etc.

Most people dont know shit. Steroids do fuck with your head. Especially 19-nor’s. I’ve experienced the exact same while I was on Tren, even on test when oestrogen is out of whack.
Im not sure if you are taking anything for prolactin but that could be it, also dont know if you’re taking an AI either so your oestrogen could also be too high (which is known to cause negative and depressive thoughts).

You need to take comfort in the fact that its just the drugs causing this, get some bloods for oestrogen and prolactin and also think about coming off.

SB


#3

I dont know know much, etc but I loled


#4

Thanks for the reply SinghBuilder, as quickly as it came on and as severe as it was, it has become manageable now. The thoughts still pop in my head once in a while but the visions have subsided, so much that I can’t even force a thought like it. It’s such a relief as it was so severe, I felt like I was having a mental breakdown. I’m glad I could speak with my wife about it openly. I did some reading on how to resolve it in a healthy way and what to avoid and it seems to have worked. I will never use Deca again as it seems to be the only variable that has changed and seems to be the trigger. I’m glad that I could make the second poster “LOL” but until you have experienced this yourself, you won’t know what this feels like so keep laughing. Stress seems to also be a factor as I have managed to reduce my stress and it has helped alot. Keeping a busy productive mind has helped as well. It was pretty debilitating at first but now it’s merely a nuisance that is almost gone. Thank goodness.


#5

This is exactly what I was going to say. In fact, I’m forbidden from using Tren again. Are you sure none of your injectables are blended with Tren?


#6

People have no conception of how these drugs interact with neurotransmitters. They only think about hormone levels etc. neurotransmitter effects can be downright devastating


#7

I ended up dropping the deca from my cycle and it did help to eliminate the anxiety and jealousy. It was a very strange side effect that I hope to never have again. My marriage is very strong but I can imagine how this stuff would have ruined a less secure relationship. I’ve heard the same stories about tren. The one thing I miss about deca was the strength gains it gave me. I’m also struggling with some joint pain that the deca helped me with. Looking for another option for that but will never go back to deca.


#8

What dosage of deca were you running? Low doses of deca can help with joint pain

Yea man I have an amazing wife and children and tren makes me hate the world. So no using that again ever.


#9

Holy shit.
Exactly the same thing happened to me. Have 4 kids, beautiful wife, wholly committed.

It was March 16 2014, came on like a light switch. Was watching a short porn and there was a huge cumshot. I thought, I bet my wife loved big cumshots from other guys. Weird thought cause I married a virgin, she basically hates cum, but did hook up with one guy before we married 14 years prior. No sex just a little oral and she said she only did it cause she was dating a guy and didn’t want to have sex with him.
It was out of the blue and I became completely absorbed with this, almost thinking of doing oral with another guy 24/7, to the point I couldn’t sleep or even function. I got weak in the knees all day and nauseated thinking about it. Most depressed I ever got and never had a history of depression.
I was in test and deca at the time. I started to see hair thinning so I dropped the test and was on 400 deca. Really messed me up!
I read so much stuff on blogs to help but nothing did. I stopped everting and went on pct and was off everything for months after pct.
the only thing I read was a psychiatrist who responded to someone with same issue and said it was essentially a disruption of serotonin in my brain.
I got labs done and my TT was 140 so I hopped on test and about a few months later I was much better. Took about 2 years to fully recover and I’ve been excellent for past year an a half.

Not sure what exactly happened, it was 9 months after having twins but I never want to revisit that phase ever again!

Crazy you posted that, it was so scary. I remember one night crying in bed praying for God to fix me.

I must say, one good thing came of it, it really brought me closer to my wife and love her 2000x more after that incident.


#10

I was taking 250mcg test cyp and 300mcg deca every 3 days. Like I mentioned before I loved the strength gains but the odd thing is that it really didn’t do much for my muscle mass. I’ve gained more on test alone. I’ve thought about trying a small dose to help with my joint pain but how much is enough to help but not enough to make me crazy again.


#11

That’s a lot of deca bro. I wouldn’t go over 150 a week for you
If any.