I will start out by outlining a little about my workout history, supplements, anabolics.
I am 39 years old, for most of my life I was slim until about 30 years old, packed on a few pounds but always fluctuating between 150-190lbs. I'm 5foot11. Started working out about a year and a half ago because of severe weight gain after a bad sports injury. Worked out doing the usual rookie stuff, an hour on the treadmill, light weights and way to much time in the gym. After about 6 months I wasn't seeing much if any results. My weight may have dropped about 5lbs in that 6 months. Something wasn't working. I had a co-worker suggest trying some "stuff", I tried some orals like Winstrol, Dbol, clenbutural with very little success. After the first year I was so unhappy with my results that I decided to really do some research, change up my routine and look into doing a real cycle. I got rid of the cardio and started focusing on lifting heavier, and started taking some testocyp. I started with 250mcg every 3 days for about 12-16 weeks, I started to see some real progress. I then decided to ramp it up a bit and try using test with Deca as I had previously heard some good things about it. 200Deca/250test injected every 3 days. The first 5-6 weeks were unremarkable but now that I am into about week 8 of this cycle, I have started to have some unhealthy mental issues.
I am a happily married father of 3 beautiful children and have a very devoted wife of 14 years. We've been together for close to 17 years now. I started having jealous thoughts of her being unfaithful but more than just that I started having visions of her actually being unfaithful, like a movie playing out in my head. It felt so real that I started having major anxiety, self doubt, and It made me sick to my stomach. I have no doubt that she is 100% faithful, no doubt at all but I can't get the thought of her having sex whether it be with a past lover or some dickhead who happens to look her way while she's walking the dog. The thoughts just came out of the blue like a light switch.
I have been under a lot of stress lately with being out of work, attending a training program in school, we are moving in a month, just a lot to think about. Sometimes the thoughts are all consuming. I hear a song on the radio that came out before we were married and it takes me right back to those crazy thoughts. I know they are irrational thoughts but I just can't shake them because my mind makes them so real.
I need some help, is this caused by the stress? the Test/Deca? Something more sinister? I love my wife and she doesn't deserve this. I have spoken to her about it so am not hiding this but it's unfair to her. Should I drop the Deca as I didn't have an issue until I added it.