Republicans Today

This is in response to the “Sick and Tired of Liberals” thread. Enjoy!

Subject: The Good Republican

To be a Republican today, you must believe that:

Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime-- unless you’re a conservative media host. Then it’s an “illness,” and you need our prayers for your recovery.

The United States should get out of the United Nations, but our highest national priority is enforcing United Nations resolutions against Iraq.

“Standing Tall for America” means firing your workers and moving their jobs to India.

A woman can’t be trusted with decisions about her own body, but multi-national corporations can make decisions affecting all mankind without regulation.

Jesus loves you, and He shares your hatred of homosexuals, environmentalists, and Hillary Clinton.

The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches while slashing veterans’ benefits and combat pay.

Daily prayer in school is important for the moral teaching of our youth–as long as it is a Christian prayer. Jews, Muslims, Hindus, and others should convert or keep quiet.

Group sex and drug use are degenerate sins – unless you someday run for governor of California as a Republican.

If condoms are kept out of schools, teenagers won’t have sex.

Unregulated free trade is capitalism at its best–unless it adversely affects a business sector key to your re-election.

The United States alone is above international law.

Government should relax regulation of Big Business, Big Energy, and Big Money, but crack down on individuals who use marijuana to relieve the pain of terminal illness.

A good way to eliminate terrorism is to belittle our long-time allies, then demand their cooperation and money. A better way to eliminate terrorism is to attack much smaller,poor countries without provocation.

HMOs and insurance companies have the public interest at heart.

Revocations of individual freedoms due to perceived security threats should not be questioned. Those who ask for justification are unpatriotic.

Randomly-timed alteration of congressional districts solely to increase Republican seats is what the Founding Fathers had in mind.

Second Amendment rights (as interpreted by Charlton Heston) are more important than First Amendment rights.

Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy. Providing health care to all Americans is socialism.

Losing the popular vote still gives you a public mandate for radical change.

Global warming, alternative fuels, and tobacco’s link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should replace evolution in school curricula.

The media that supports the Bush wars, the Bush tax cuts, and the “Patriot” Act but spent 8 years pursuing and embarrassing Clinton is still too liberal.

Government regulation of individual rights must be limited as a hallmark of our free society–unless you’re talking about what consenting adults do in private.

Saddam Hussein was a good guy when Reagan armed and financed him, a bad guy when Bush Sr. made war on him, a good guy when Cheney conducted business with him, and a bad guy when Bush Jr. needed a “we can’t find Bin Laden” diversion.

A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense. A president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die and millions are left destitute is solid defense policy.

Invoking the phrase “September 11th” gives you the right to take any policy steps you deem necessary.

Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

The US government knows what’s right for all other cultures and has the right to overthrow foreign governments and change economic systems as it sees fit.

To kill is utterly immoral and wrong. To show how wrong it is, you will be righteously killed if you kill.

Democracy and free debate are the foundations of our great country and should be encouraged worldwide–unless you’re an ally who disagrees with a US policy, in which case you should be isolated and ridiculed.

The public has a right to know about Hillary’s cattle trades, but George Bush’s driving record is none of our business.

Treating all people equally and fairly is the root of our justice system–unless you’re a Muslim male, in which case you’re automatically regarded as suspicious.

Letting our children see anything more loving than a kiss on television will corrupt their minds and lead to ill-behavior. But letting them watch gratuitous violence with weapons is a patriotic tradition.

You support States’ Rights, which means Attorney General John Ashcroft can tell states what local voter initiatives they have a right to adopt.

Invading Islamic countries is a good excuse for ignoring severe recession and other social ills at home.

What Bill Clinton did in the 1960s is of vital national interest, but what Bush did in the '80s is irrelevant.

Trade with Cuba is wrong because their government is communist, but trade with communist China and Vietnam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

You need Jesus.

Don’t waste your time on the asshole Goldie. He is destined to a life of lonely masturbation.

AR, he will never have it even that good.

Hey lumpy I don’t know why those guys came down on you for that list, it was a good read.
The problem we have as voting Americans is that the list for the democrats would be just as long.
It seems the far left and the far right don’t have much of a sense of humor, at least when it comes to looking at themselves.

Obviously,we are he most evil people to ever walk the face of the planet.
I certainly get tired of walking over all the mass graves around my house,helps with the cardio a bit, however.
What really drives me crazy is the ability to go and do just about anything I want to do.My God,what sort of people deserve that kind of freedom?Certainly not any of the evil U.S.citizens.
OK,I know you guys recognize sarcasm when you hear it,maybe not Lumpy,but it’s probably over his head.
Here what we should do.Lets just let any and everyone in the States.Lets abandon our traditional ways,you know,the ones that make everyone aspire to come here.Lets embrace all the third world lifestyles we can.I’d enjoy living in a thatch hut in the winter.If nothing else maybe we could cover up all the fat women from head to toe in burkahs.Oh ,wait a minute,that would have to apply to all the women.One thing, and this is a personal rant of mine.Don’t come to this country and try to turn it into the way things were back home.If you miss home so much,go back,hell I’ll even help with the ticket.
The easiest thing in the world to do is to criticize the U.S. Because you’re allowed and even encouraged to do so.Even easier is telling the opposition
all of their faults.
Yes.I’m a Republican,thru default.I’ve stated before that the people who run for president cannot be the best this country has to offer.At least I hope they aren’t!!Are we perfect,noooo.Are we the best.Yes.
So,the next time you want to criticize,do yourself a little favor and do some research,and comparison.
B.T.W,the only democrat who hasn’t talked out of both sides of his mouth is Lieberman.A seemingly very honorable man.

I thought it was a pretty funny list. And accurate as hell, too.

Notice that the list was in response to threads bashing liberals…but this thread was aimed at Rebublicans…who are also extraordinarily liberal in their own way… we call their thinking “conservative”, but it is not conservative, it is a very liberal interpretation of conservatism. They are liberal in their thinking, but in different directions than so-called liberals. Both parties have abandoned the basic tenets of sound government, and as can be pointed out by both posts, are extraordinarily hypocritical. It has become big business run by many of the worst businessmen in America. Think about it, the biggest employer in the country is our government…is something wrong with this picture?

Many points were very on, but many points in the thread versus liberals are very accurate.

Instead of saying, I am liberal, or I am conservative, we need a group of leaders to rise up who define themselves as principled. Being intelligent would help also… a trait so often forgotten. We all love West Wing with a president who scored 1580 on his SAT, and who is a very principled decision-maker… but that is TV.

The funny thing is we all know what principles underlie our way of living… but, who is intelligent enough to apply these to governing…to leading.

I would love to see a debate where the candidates actually debate…these sorry fuckers rarely even address the question… never define where they actually stand on the issue… and can’t put together a coherent argument based on principle to back up what they believe. Their whole existance is based on taking a set of beliefs and applying them to real-life situations… but when asked about their beliefs…none will answer… it is a sad state.

Plus, the system perpetuates this mess… i truly feel we need a cleansing…

In the end, we will probably end up shifting to the liberal side as a nation…

This is why: the Democratic party is pushing towards a modified Socialism. This system they are trying for allows us as a nation to move further down the trendline of being a nation of sorry-assed non-producing, finger pointing, excuse making, name calling blamers. If you look at the way we are pushing, we are becoming more and more democratic… exactly what the founding fathers did not want. The reason for this is simple… it would perpetuate power by the people who appeal to the dumb and worthless, because these people have 1 vote each, but contribute nothing. The evil Bill Gates on the other had, who gives hundreds of million to the government each year in taxes also gets one vote… This system allows the party who caters to the largest group of people who also have the same beiliefs…in this case, it is the Democrats.

As a business person, I constantly laugh, because whoever is head of Democratic marketing should be killed…and raped…and then killed…maybe even thrown in the Silence of the Lambs pit to ‘rub the lotion on its skin’. Here is why: if you just motivated the weak, dumb, non-producing blamers to go vote…there would be no Republican party…period.

The country is absolutely full of them, but getting them to actually vote is the tough part. How do you motivate a person who fucked aound all through high-school, stole and made fun of the kids who actually studied, but then expect those very kids to pay for all of the social programs they desire…hmmm. sound familiar? It is funny that we have all of these re-training the work-force initiatives… hehe. I just think back to high school when these assholes were too lazy to be part of our athletic programs, smoked J’s behind the school and cut class, and made fun of those of us who studied and didn’t disrespect the teahcers… Now, my tax dollars are supposed to fund training these sorry fuckers to get a job…hmmm… well that went real well the first time around…when it was my father’s tax dollars they were wasting.

Sorry for the rant there…

Here is another short one…we here at T-Mag make sacrifices to choose a healthy lifestyle. we work extraordinarily hard at staying in shape and spend money on vitamins and fresh foods. Does it strike you as odd that we should be paying for medical aid for all those smokers and fat-assed diabetics who trashed what their creator (GOD, Mother-Nature, whoever…)gave them… not my dollars… fuck that… I didn’t eat it, I didn’t smoke it… if I didn’t get the pleasure…why should I have to pay for the after affects? No way. They made the choices to die early… fuck’em…let’em.

So as we move further away from a Republic, and further towards a Democracy…which was NEVER intended… as we elect men who are poll followers, and not principled thinkers and leaders… we will inevitably become more socialistic…socialism rewards the weak masses of non-producers… it does this by stealing the fruits of producers labors, and ‘re-distributing’ these fruits to the masses. So, if we keep moving towards Democracy, then the party who caters to and motivates the lazy, un-educated, non-producers, will eventually win… it is inevitable.

Now, all the Dems need is a marketing director who understands basic human nature, motivation, and political science… I would do it, but I am principled…a wee problem.

The Rebublican Party must work to stymie this trend towards catering to the whims of the masses. They must re-establish this nation as a republic. If they do not, they are done… Mr. Smith is coming for them… it is inevitable.

I will not mourn their passing, but will loathe the rise of ‘Liberal’ power here…

Like I said before…since we are slipping faster and faster… as all democracies do eventually (why we were set up as a REPUBLIC), I would rather the cleanse come sooner than later… i am very sick of those in power now… no leaders… no principled men with the ability stay uncorrupted… NO MEN.

From the principled corner… my .02.

Didn’t I say something about liberals being ill-educated, prejudiced and dreamers? I guess this helps prove it.

Not that Republicans are necessarily better somehow. They have their share of screw ups too.

I appreciate the intelligent comments.

Even if the sentiments are disturbing…

“the dumb and worthless… these people have 1 vote each, but contribute nothing.”

Goebbels would be proud.

Lumpy, that is a retarded article. Nothing of value.

What Silverback said.

I think that distilling things down to ‘liberal’ and ‘republican’ agendas is pure B/S - it’s all about special interest groups. To paraphrase P J O’Rourke, if you took the left and right wing members of both parties the wingspan would represent a bird you sure as fuck wouldn’t want to sit under.

Funny that you’re giving this shit Avoids, since you thought the “What it takes to be a liberal” thread of a similar type was so damn hilarious :slight_smile:

You’re too - ostensibly - intelligent to blindly accept one load of mindless propaganda and write off the next. There’s truth in both, just because you don’t like; and while winding up the liberals may be a national sport for you it’s getting pretty tired.
it don’t make it wrong.

Hey thanks a lot lumpy. I was on the fence for a little while because I am not 100% behind Bush and his semi personal vendettas; because too many fellow republicans have been crying/ bashing liberal canidates. But, after reading your post, reading the replys(especially silverbacks) and looking at the political race going on right now I am back to my good old America rules way of thinking.
There will always be a need to feed the poor and the hungry but, not if they put themselves there and are doing nothing to get into a better situation.

Judgemental, sure. But, aren’t we all.
Anyway make your own choices and vote the way you see fit. Not here to even try to sway anyone just wanted to voice my opinion.

Those aren’t Republicans today. Those are a few career politicians today, with some digs on traditional Republican stands or issues Democrats hold dear. Democratic politicians aren’t that different. They just screw you in slightly different ways. I don’t think most people identify with either party. They just latch on to a few moral views and call that their party, or don’t give a crap one way or the other. I take the Daily Show view: Everything is stupid and should be made fun of. Stuff like this list or Al Franken or whatever, would be funny if they didn’t seem so angry and hateful and was a little lighter.

Iscariot! You’re back! I thought maybe you fell off the underside of the world down there in Kiwi land. How’s the flock?

Actually, I haven’t even read this original post. I don’t go for those long posts…on either side. If you can’t say what you want to in less than 150 words, I probably won’t read it. (At my age, we have to be picky as to where we waste our few remaining days here on earth.) I just know that if a post is signed by the Lumpster, it has to be inflamatory and I didn’t want my southern homie, Goldie, wasting too much talent on Lumpy. I have to agree, though, that Bush’s speech wasn’t his best. He needs a new speech writer. I wonder if the guy who wrote “I did not have sex with that woman” is available?


I think what lumpy needs to realize is that stereo typing people is not only idiotic but dangerous. Not all Republicans think alike just not all Democrats think alike. People need to use that lump three feet above their asses and not be so freakin close minded. Saavy?

Hell i agree with most of that, except the diabetics. What did they do wrong except take the advice given to them by government and doctors?. Sure they could of read up, yet it is impossible to read up on everything…

I see both sides of the political spectrum catering to one of the two markets. I dont think you will ever have a universally united nation. As long as people have different opinions, and to fullfill a position you have to please elements of a nation that you dont agree with, its guaranteed the above bullshit will perpetuate itself. So i just ignore it.

Darkangel said
"There will always be a need to feed the poor and the hungry but, not if they put themselves there and are doing nothing to get into a better situation.

Judgemental, sure. But, aren’t we all."

There are approximately 35 million people living in poverty in the United States, and half of them are children.

What do you suggest that we do about them?

To the guys who posted on this thread with nothing but insults, I think it is pretty funny that when something runs contrary to your world view, it provokes your anger and you can’t address any of the points.

That is weak.

I say we give Canada all our sissies using up our tax dollars being fat and lazy. Canada’s a socialist country anyways, they like helping people that drag down society. Or blow it up for that matter.