T Nation

Reflective Frustration

Well Ive managed to renew my strength and muscle mass to some what of what I consider a respective level for myself.

But I must admit I am hampered by a few things.

4 years ago I was in an accident that completely curtailed my training. Back problems , problems in my intestines. It toook a long long time to get where I could train and eat without pain and discomfort.

Its hard looking back to before the accident when I reached a physique that I considered first class. Power, symetry, leaness.

I clawed my way back this last 9 months from a body that lost all its muscle. I managed to get my deadlift up to 550, I managed to incline 315 for 2 reps. I managed more pullups weighted than ever.

but to tell you the truth inside im still frustrated, I still suffer from digestion problems, motility ( that nothing has helped), but I battle and battle every which way and many times my strength and physiqe will ebb and flow cause I cant hold my food charege somtimes cause I cant eat 6 meals the way I used to.

My stomach is very slow to empty its contents (lack of contraction), often I have to force feed even 4 meals, but I do it and am actually amazed that ive been able to get my strength up to where its been , mostly from muscle memory and shere discipline.

well I had to just vent alittle, as no one around me understand what pain I feel sometimes. I feel like a race horse with a broken limb , when it comes to my potential.

Im not about to list the million things ive tried and done, cause nothing worked except ignoring it.

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